Post-visit venting: My brother's in a geriatric psych hospital being assessed for rapidly spiraling dementia. He's terrified; I hear our mother's voice saying "Take care of your little brother." I know, I know. He's not little, and I'm old, and this dragon can't be slayed.
When I walked in his very first words were a snarled accusation---that I had given "them" the keys they used to enter his home and kidnap him. My shocked response was unhelpful---that this was a hospital and he had come here from a rehab facility. I tried again: "I know this is confusing and scary, but you're safe here." More snarling. I should've followed AlvaDeer's advice to be a gray rock. He settled down only after I agreed to "hire an attorney to sue this place."
I was so glad to see him, but now feel my visit didn't help either one of us. An ancient Joni Mitchell line: "Came in as bright as a neon light but burned out right before your eyes." That's me. Will try again in a couple of days.
You cannot reason with a dementia brain, even to calm a paranoid rant. Some times even if you agree, the rant continues to escalate. I think our tone of voice and body language has more effect on the rant than our actual words. Reassuring your brother he was safe were the right words, but it's very difficult to remain calm yourself and keep you tone even while being on the receiving end of a paranoid's raging. When I could remain calm _sometimes_ Dad would calm down too. When I couldn't remain calm, I walked out. It's so sad, but it was the best we could manage.
I try to remind them that true lies are told to protect oneself and/or hurt others. Fibs and little white lies used for those with dementia are to protect them and sometimes yourself. In OP's case, telling her brother she would hire a lawyer and sue was the fib needed to assuage him. They don't always work, but it is at least worth trying - if it calms them down and satisfies, no harm no foul!
That's good you told him you'll take care of it. That's what he wants to hear. Then you can redirect. It takes creativity to come up with something on the spot. Like showing him something in the mail for instance.
Going with the flow is working for us with our mother. We agree to the most outrageous demands or concerns, then forget about them. Mother certainly does.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNznZ2MnV3I
PS..love the Joni Mitchell reference. Brilliant songwriter! Love her music
Just listen and go with the flow.
Great big warm hug!
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