Hi. My mother has resided in a nursing home for 3 months now. It is a very good and highly rated facility, and we her family trust and have confidence in the staff. I and my siblings visit her regularly, at least 2 times a week, often more. My aunt (our mom's sister) seems to think that a family member should be with our mom almost every waking moment, i.e., that a family member should be with her for every meal, and to sit with her to watch TV in the evenings until bedtime. I think this may be excessive and wonder if we may even be annoying the staff. I guess my question is: Can family visits be TOO much?
And if she's not willing to do that, then tell her to shut up and mind her own business.
Your mom needs time to herself and also to mingle with the other folks there.
Who in their right mind want to be around their family all the time? Certainly not me!
I once lived in a small town with a small hospital, and the locals always made sure lots of family members were in the room with the sick relative. The noise and traffic and crying and carrying on were a trial and tribulation for the afflicted person's roommate or others in the hospital who wanted to rest or sleep.
Visiting is overrated. It's one of those things that should be kept short and simple, keeping the best interest of the patient in mind.
It's amusing how people, such as your aunt, can make suggestions to others to do things they themselves would never do. When your aunt makes such suggestions, don't engage or try to explain why this would be impossible. Simply say something mundane like "Thank you for your concern" and change the subject.
Visiting twice a week is enough and perhaps more than enough. Are you right down the street or hours away? There are no hard and fast rules, but it is important to keep a regular presence to insure she is receiving good care, which it sounds like you're already doing.
Would be extremely unfair to a roommate. (If she has one.)
He also has very shaky hands and cannot feed himself, Whoever is there for that meal does this for him. We know he is getting a full meal at least once a day. We also help brush his teeth and my brother and i take turns shaving him. He has a fungus on his toenails now, so I have a home made spray I use to treat them and they are looking so much better.
There are other issues that have come up, like sores on his arms and hands, that we would never have known if we did not visit and did not have the cameras in his room. This is what works for us and our dad is very happy to see any of us. Even if he doesn't remember our names, his face lights up. The other residents say he is so lucky to have us and the staff seem to appreciate our visits. We greet and talk to all the residents. This weekend we took a cake, ice cream and balloons for Dads 95th birthday. Many of the residents joined us and my brother sang with his guitar many songs they could sing along with. I love seeing all the residents' smiles and singing. I have a hard time believing any of this is not good for them. So I take 3-4 hour periods of time twice a week to help him. But he did so much for me in my life, I can at least do that. Again, just my opinion.
I have heard of people hiring others to sit with their relatives in the hospital 24/7. I personally think this is too much. The staff at the hospital takes care of the patients needs.
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