My mother is 71 yrs old. She has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s, Diabetes type 2, Rheumatoid arthritis and osteopathic hypotension. I have had a visiting nurse group send aids to bath her, nurse to check vitals and a physical therapist to help her mobility. Every time she finds a way to convince them she doesn’t need them and they discharge her despite me expressing my concerns. Sure enough she goes back to not bathing, moving, or taking care of her health. When I try to talk to her she gets nasty or just yes me to death. Has anyone else experienced this and how did you resolve it? I work full time and it’s starting to affect my job.
What I would do is find her an apt of her own. Senior apts are handicap accessible. There is low income and those subsidized by HUD. The HUD apts charge 30% of your income for rent. Low income she may able to get a voucher for. My disabled nephew does well on his own. But, he will never live with me because of his hygiene and he is a slob.
For transportation she can sign up for a Senior bus. They accommodate wheelchairs. Call your Office of Aging to see what resources they provide. Social Services maybe able to help you with housing.
Dementia and Parkinsons go hand in hand. IMO a person who won't bath has a mental problem. (which my nephew has) Your Mom probably has a neurologist so I would ask that she be tested cognitively.
I am not beyond threatening. I may tell Mom, my house my rules and if she can't abide by them, then a NH is in her future. Setting boundries is a good thing.
I think the only thing I could think offhand is to let her be a bit more responsible for her own choices, given the absence of any of the things mentioned above paragraph. I don't think you will be able to micromanage her from afar, and may not even be able to were she living with you.
Is it getting close to a time when you think your Mom may need a more in-facility type of care? Have you tried talking with her about these issues?
Sometimes these things become a battle, and it is a who-wins situation. I would take the tact that a failure to keep moving would harm her so much that she could be looking at a in facility care situation earlier than she must otherwise.
I sure do wish you a lot of luck. A lot on her plate, and sounds like it is impacting you.
Do the aids have any suggestions for you?
You've tried helping her by taking her in your home, and as you can see, it's just not working out. You have to at this point, do what's best for you, as you have a lot more life ahead of you. Wishing you the best.