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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I don’t see how you will get it back . This is not considered elder abuse. You willingly gave the money to his family . Did you have an agreement in writing where he would pay you back ? If you own your home you could sell it and downsize . If not , call your county to speak to a social worker about section 8 housing , or HUD senior apts where the rent is 30% of your income . Although there may be a waiting list.
This isn't the best forum to answer this legal and financial question since it has nothing to do with caregiving.
If you didn't have him sign a loan document or there's no emails or texts saying it was a loan then there is no legal way to recoup the money from him.
I’m sorry you made this choice as you now have no recourse to get the money back. Please call your local Council on Aging and ask for information on resources to help guide you on your next steps
"We gave a lot of money to son's family while he was incarcerared".
No where do you say you 'lent' your son's family (who by the way is also YOUR family) a lot of money. Or you temporarily helped your son's family out financially with an agreement that they would be payng you back by a certain date.
You're not getting the money back and there's no elder abuse either. You made a choice to start handing out money that you couldn't afford and now you don't have enough to get by on for yourselves. Why come here and tell us? Do you now expect the government (aka the taxpayers) to bail you out?
The taxpayers already paid a fortune to keep your son incarcerated and I'd bet my last dollar that his "family" was probably collecting on every government social program these United States has to offer. It's certainly okay if they were because kids have to be provided for and it's not their fault if their parents are deadbeats or in jail. It's not your fault either.
You're getting that money back so you're going to have to learn to live with less and on less. If you own a house, sell it and downsize. Move somewhere smaller and cheaper to save money. Or keep your house and take in paying guests (boarders) to help with household expenses. My grandmother did this for years because she had pride refused to take money from her kids.
Depdending on your ages and health conditions, go back to work part-time for more income. Let me tell you, homecare agencies everywhere are looking for seniors who are still active and don't have dementia to become companions to seniors with dementia. All you'd be doing is keeping them company and maybe a little light housekeeping. We just hired two ladies ages 71 and 73 for homemaker/companion work a few hours a week and they're doing great.
You have options and it would be a good time to start exploring some.
You say: "We GAVE a lot of money to son's family..............."
Yes, that's exactly what you did. When we "make loans" to family it is best to know going in that likely the money was gifted; it saves time in being disappointed. The important thing is to try to get this validated as a loan that isn't repaid. There is a place on IRS forms to report "unpaid loans". This is important in regards to receiving within the next five years any sort of governmental support in terms of programs requiring five-year-lookbacks (such as Medicaid). You will need to show you did not intend to gift any of this money, or they will say you gifted and now want government support, and you may not qualify.
I am really sorry but you may now be looking at a way to prove this, and that means now "gifting" an attorney yet more money. It was poor decision making to give money to a family you should have pointed toward governmental help for their survival. I am so sorry; there are always consequences to be paid in these matter. I wish you the best.
Two sisters, both single Moms - Older has 4 kids, younger has 2 kids. Both working.
Y.Sis crashed her car, needed help paying for it plus her other bills to get out of a tight spot. Asked O.Sis for money & was given $4K or so.
They front up to Judy's courtroom.. O.Sis says it was a LOAN. Y.Sis says it was GIFT. Said "no-one ever said she had to pay it back". Yet when asked by her sister to start paying it back in small amounts, kept dodging & refusing to pay without explaining her assumption about the *gift status*.
Judy lays down her opinion: That no single Mom with 4 kids is ever going to GIFT $4K to anyone, not even her sister. So Judy declares it a LOAN & therefore needs to be repayed.
I didn't hear any legal proof.. but hey that's TV.. it's more about Judy's common sense.
Judy's final words, to the older: "Be very careful who you lend money to." To the younger: "Pay your own bills".
You never loan/give out money you can't afford to loose. Does your son know that giving his family this money is now causing you hardship? Even with a written agreement, there is no guarentee you will get your money. If you have a paper trail, so hope you wrote checks, then take your son to small claims court. You may get some back.
I can remember my FIL "giving" money to my SIL and her DH for years, my MIL did as well before her death (note: fully financially supporting them for at least 8 of the 15 years they were giving them money). He always had an expectation that it would be paid back. But he never once documented that there was an expectation of pay back. Some were checks, some were cash. And when DH finally had the opportunity to actually research the amount - it was mind boggling.
Every once in a while BIL would get a "windfall" and throw some small amount of money at FIL and say he was "paying it back". But it never made a dent in what he (and MIL) had been giving them for nearly 15 years.
It was enough that FIL told DH that he should take 75+% of his the estate when he died. But never did anything to update his will to make it legal.
And there in lies the rub. No documentation, no dice.
Expectations are one thing. Legally documented requirements are another entirely.
Sadly, you aren't likely going to ever see that money paid back.
I'm very sorry to hear your son is choosing to allow you to struggle to get by rather than repaying you the money you need to live. It's very sad when a child turns their back on a parent in need. My condolences. I sincerely hope some of the suggestions given to you will work to help you make ends meet.
Same here. He’s my husband’s son and I was never allowed to say no to giving money to the son and his family while he was incarcerated. Now we are at retirement age and realizing the son is just a freeloader who now has no concern for our welfare at all even though he’s working and able to pay us back. Hubby is going to have to start a 2nd career at 70 yrs. old. Life ain’t fair.
Was this a loan? Do you have a written contract for giving this money and for its repayment? Does your son have a good job and the means to repay you? Because, sadly, if the answers to any of the above questions is no, I am afraid legally you can't proceed in any way.
I have long told people that, even WITH a good contract, when you loan money to your children you have essentially "gifted it" to them, whether you realize that or not.
You have given us very little information on how all this occurred, when, and about your son's willingness/ability etc to repay you. So this is about the best I can do other than to wish you the very best of luck and hope that things will get better for all involved.
Maybe it's time to tell son that due to your financial situation, you need to move in with him and his family. This may be the kick in the pants he needs to pay you back at least some of what you gave him.
You "gave" money while your son was incarcerated. This apparently was NOT a loan since you did not have a loan agreement with anyone to repay you. Never give money that you can't afford to not be repaid to you. "loaning" money, "giving" money will ruin families, relationships. You "give" money with no expectation that you will get repaid, if you do then that is a windfall for you. Cut your losses. Forgive the money owed. Talk to the person that does your taxes to determine if this can be considered a "gift" and see what tax implications there may be. But I am afraid that the money that you gave is gone.
**If the amount is substantial you could consider suing but that costs money and if they do not have the money to pay you back you probably will still not get repaid.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you own your home you could sell it and downsize .
If not , call your county to speak to a social worker about section 8 housing ,
or HUD senior apts where the rent is 30% of your income . Although there may be a waiting list.
If you didn't have him sign a loan document or there's no emails or texts saying it was a loan then there is no legal way to recoup the money from him.
"We gave a lot of money to son's family while he was incarcerared".
No where do you say you 'lent' your son's family (who by the way is also YOUR family) a lot of money. Or you temporarily helped your son's family out financially with an agreement that they would be payng you back by a certain date.
You're not getting the money back and there's no elder abuse either.
You made a choice to start handing out money that you couldn't afford and now you don't have enough to get by on for yourselves. Why come here and tell us? Do you now expect the government (aka the taxpayers) to bail you out?
The taxpayers already paid a fortune to keep your son incarcerated and I'd bet my last dollar that his "family" was probably collecting on every government social program these United States has to offer. It's certainly okay if they were because kids have to be provided for and it's not their fault if their parents are deadbeats or in jail. It's not your fault either.
You're getting that money back so you're going to have to learn to live with less and on less.
If you own a house, sell it and downsize. Move somewhere smaller and cheaper to save money. Or keep your house and take in paying guests (boarders) to help with household expenses. My grandmother did this for years because she had pride refused to take money from her kids.
Depdending on your ages and health conditions, go back to work part-time for more income. Let me tell you, homecare agencies everywhere are looking for seniors who are still active and don't have dementia to become companions to seniors with dementia. All you'd be doing is keeping them company and maybe a little light housekeeping. We just hired two ladies ages 71 and 73 for homemaker/companion work a few hours a week and they're doing great.
You have options and it would be a good time to start exploring some.
Hubby learned the hard way also , to never co sign on any loan either.
I'm so sorry about this. 😕
Hard lesson learned. Sorry about this.
"We GAVE a lot of money to son's family..............."
Yes, that's exactly what you did.
When we "make loans" to family it is best to know going in that likely the money was gifted; it saves time in being disappointed.
The important thing is to try to get this validated as a loan that isn't repaid. There is a place on IRS forms to report "unpaid loans".
This is important in regards to receiving within the next five years any sort of governmental support in terms of programs requiring five-year-lookbacks (such as Medicaid). You will need to show you did not intend to gift any of this money, or they will say you gifted and now want government support, and you may not qualify.
I am really sorry but you may now be looking at a way to prove this, and that means now "gifting" an attorney yet more money. It was poor decision making to give money to a family you should have pointed toward governmental help for their survival. I am so sorry; there are always consequences to be paid in these matter. I wish you the best.
Two sisters, both single Moms - Older has 4 kids, younger has 2 kids. Both working.
Y.Sis crashed her car, needed help paying for it plus her other bills to get out of a tight spot. Asked O.Sis for money & was given $4K or so.
They front up to Judy's courtroom..
O.Sis says it was a LOAN.
Y.Sis says it was GIFT.
Said "no-one ever said she had to pay it back". Yet when asked by her sister to start paying it back in small amounts, kept dodging & refusing to pay without explaining her assumption about the *gift status*.
Judy lays down her opinion: That no single Mom with 4 kids is ever going to GIFT $4K to anyone, not even her sister. So Judy declares it a LOAN & therefore needs to be repayed.
I didn't hear any legal proof.. but hey that's TV.. it's more about Judy's common sense.
Judy's final words, to the older:
"Be very careful who you lend money to."
To the younger: "Pay your own bills".
I thought. Yep, that's good advice.
Every once in a while BIL would get a "windfall" and throw some small amount of money at FIL and say he was "paying it back". But it never made a dent in what he (and MIL) had been giving them for nearly 15 years.
It was enough that FIL told DH that he should take 75+% of his the estate when he died. But never did anything to update his will to make it legal.
And there in lies the rub. No documentation, no dice.
Expectations are one thing. Legally documented requirements are another entirely.
Sadly, you aren't likely going to ever see that money paid back.
Wishing you good luck and Godspeed.
I have long told people that, even WITH a good contract, when you loan money to your children you have essentially "gifted it" to them, whether you realize that or not.
You have given us very little information on how all this occurred, when, and about your son's willingness/ability etc to repay you. So this is about the best I can do other than to wish you the very best of luck and hope that things will get better for all involved.
This apparently was NOT a loan since you did not have a loan agreement with anyone to repay you.
Never give money that you can't afford to not be repaid to you.
"loaning" money, "giving" money will ruin families, relationships.
You "give" money with no expectation that you will get repaid, if you do then that is a windfall for you.
Cut your losses.
Forgive the money owed.
Talk to the person that does your taxes to determine if this can be considered a "gift" and see what tax implications there may be.
But I am afraid that the money that you gave is gone.
**If the amount is substantial you could consider suing but that costs money and if they do not have the money to pay you back you probably will still not get repaid.