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Mom is missing meals, not taking meds right, calling dr for more meds. Cancelling upper GI which was scheduled to figure out why she isn’t eating and why she claims she is nauseous all the time. We need her to be cared for and be safe. Her home has dangerous stairs that we fear she will fall down. How do we force the move?

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The next step is to read your PoA document and see when the authority is activated. If it is "durable" it was active at signing and when the need arrives to work on her behalf. If it is "springing" it will require 1 or 2 medical diagnosis of incapacity.

If she doesn't already have a diagnosis of dementia, you will need to make sure that the symptoms she's experiencing are indeed dementia and not from something like a UTI, thyroid problems, diabetes, high blood pressure, tumor, etc. which can mimic dementia-like symptoms.

Can you tell us if your PoA is now active? This will determine the answers you get from the forum.
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melstevens Feb 2022
Yes Acitive now, we have moved her. Now we are trying to solve the nausea issue daily. Care givers at AL are getting frustrated that she doesn’t feel well and won’t go down for her meals.
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"Forcing" isn't the word I would use... more like "make it happen without necessarily having Mom agree". Does Mom have any dementia symptoms or is she sharp as a tack but careless about her health? If the former, you can work with that, using "fiblets" to move her to a memory care facility. There has been a ton written on how to do that. Personally, my mom was diagnosed with dementia and having delusions/paranoia that someone was living in her home and stealing her stuff... she begged me to "do something about it". Told her law enforcement would be setting up a sting operation to catch the person, but she had to move out in the meantime. Took her to a fantastic memory care place "for lunch" and that was that. Mom is adjusting well, and we never had a discussion about moving.
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Sighopinion Feb 2022
It is forcing, but forcing for the better good. We should not sugar coat what we actually have to do to keep a parent safe.
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Active POA, and we have moved mom to AL. She is not happy we are breaking down her home of 42 years. She is giving the staff a run for their money asking for nausea meds daily. She has been taking the same med for years and it doesn’t help. She cancelled her upper GI which we had hoped would give us answers “or not” and then we can determine if a psychiatrist is needed for dementia diagnoses. She is on repeat of questions and concerns. We have written answers down for her to reference, (executive assistant) so she takes copious notes. She won’t refer to the note pad.
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Your mom is what used to be called “pitching a hissy fit”. And extreme anguish can make one nauseated and all sorts of other things.
If your mom is not incompetent in the “legal” sense, she can change her POA. I wouldn’t encourage her to use electronics too much.
How does she know you are breaking down her home?
I don’t understand when some people (not saying you did this) manipulate, force, “make it happen” on one hand and then while the loved one is reeling, they or other “friends” feel it’s okay to share painful, devastating news.
If she has dementia it is much kinder to say, you are making needed adjustments for safety or some other phrase that she can wrap her mind around.
I feel very bad for your mother. At the same time I don’t blame you for doing what she gave you the right to do and what you feel is right. It is a tough time for you and mom right now.
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Sounds like she could have anxiety. You could see if her Dr would prescibe an anti-anxiety into her meds either daily or as needed. That alone could ease her nausea and attitude all at once.
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She is “settled” haha, into AL but every few days she ask when she is going home. Then clarity comes and she thanks us for our love and for handling things.
We are waiting on her primary to initiate the dementia diagnosis. The care givers at AL feel she has some memory issues. Meds are balanced and three meals a day are happening. Safe caring environment with others in her stage of life, lots of activities to keep her busy if she wants so we have some peace of mind she is safe. She says “I don’t care about any of those things” like she is giving up?
But how do you deal with those random calls/messages of confusion, betrayal, “why didn’t y’all discuss with me.” It’s sad! We have discussed the move, the breakdown of house, storing family heirlooms, etc many times but she isn’t remembering that.
Depression, Dementia….I’m not sure what she needs.
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Nausea seems to be subsiding, however sometimes she just says it when nothing better to say. LOL
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