My husband and I have a darling dog that we adopted as a pup. At the time, newly retired, we thought we'd have lots of time to spend with her. At that time, our mothers (84 and lives 25 minutes away, and 89 and lives 2 hours away) were doing fine. But now they have issues that need our attention. They are not ready for assisted living yet, but it's just a matter of time. My husband has a brother that can help him, but I have no one. Meanwhile, I worry that my dog will not be getting the attention she needs from us, and I already feel that way sometimes now. I know that lots of people are looking to adopt a dog right during this pandemic, and I'm wondering if surrendering my dog is the right thing to do. My husband knows that this is on my mind a lot. He doesn't see the need to "think ahead".
Please understand that I love dogs and only want what's best for my dog in the long run. If things go downhill, there will probably be no choice. Am I wrong to want my dog to be happy with a younger family? Please help!
We impulsively got a Border Collie puppy who was struggling with Parvo and was too young to be taken from his mother, so had major digestive issues. Also was a runt, which was fine, but was going to require a LOT more energy and time than I wanted to put in.
After a week of non-stop cleaning the floors and taking this little guy down 8 icy stairs to the spot DH wanted him to use as his potty (24 hrs a day--no breaks!) I was sick and exhausted. DH went out of town and just called a few times, begging me to ride it out--he'd come home and deal with the dog. Well, he'd been home 3 days with him and simply put the dog on the bed with him and dealt with all the diarrhea and pee in the am. Rather, I did.
This was unfair to the dog. I did not have the connection to him I could have had. It wasn't anyone's fault, it was just a bad decision.
I rehomed the dog through an accredited agency while DH was out of town. He is with a family who sadly, lost THEIR old Border Collie a few days after they took Tucker. It was a win-win. I've seen pics of him and he is so happy with his new family.
After the rescue woman took the dog, my stress level dropped to normal and I wasn't crying all day.
My YD is still mad at me for not keeping him, but that's her problem. Ilearned that I have to care for myself before I can care for a dog again. (We have ALWAYS had a dog and I have ALWAYS been the one who did all the work).
DH REALLY wants a dog, but I told him we can't revisit this until he can be the one responisble for it. That will be never.
You're NOT wrong to want the best for your dog. It shows you are kind and thoughtful. I wish you luck in rehoming--if that is what you choose to do.
You are not wrong at all for wisely seeing that this may not be the best time to have a dog. Just wanted to let you know that dog ownership is great, but it comes with downsides and this is normal. You have not failed in any way. I have 3 sons and we waited until I was working part time to get a dog. I didn't want it to be alone in the house all day. I'm not judging anyone who does this, I just knew I wouldn't feel comfortable with it. So glad I waited. I hope you can look forward to a time when having a puppy will bring you much daily joy.
The problem that I foresee with all of these pandemic adoptions: right now, it's all very wonderful that everyone is working from home, unable to travel, etc. to adopt a new pet; but there will come a day when things will go back to normal. Then what is going to happen to all of these pets adopted during the pandemic? I have this fear that as empty as the shelters are now, they will be full to bursting once things return to normalcy.
Can you guarantee that the family with whom you place your beloved pet will not turn around and rehome the poor thing once their life returns to normal?
We got a puppy (an 8 week old female Samoyed) while I was taking care of my mom 24/7. I personally was so thankful to have her and her cheerful puppy-optimism while everything else was so sad. I myself would not give up my dog - if you have parents and/or in-laws who are expecting you to travel to their homes to take care of them, then they can put up with your dog coming along for the ride. Who knows, they might even benefit from having a pet around - pet therapy is a useful and beneficial tool in nursing homes!
If bringing your pet with you during your travels is absolutely impossible, then there is also the option of doggy-day-care, or services that will come to your home and walk/spend time with you dog when you can't be there. Many people own pets and are gone for extended periods of time during the day working, and the pets are fine.
I agree with Geaton, most dogs can adapt to new situations beautifully, and I would not prematurely give up my pet for adoption until I really had exhausted all other options. I have no doubt you love your dog, but don't let panic make a decision as big as this before you see what else you can do.
Good luck.
How long have you had this dog?
What bothers me is that it sounds as though you're preparing to sacrifice your own wellbeing to your mother's needs when you don't even know that she'll have any, let alone needs so time-consuming that you won't be able to cope with them and a dog. Thinking ahead is all very well, but I'd suggest you're rather getting ahead of yourself, and in a terribly pessimistic way.
I can only speak for myself, but if I'd had to give up my dog to care for my mother I would have resented her for it.
Does your mother like the dog?
Is the dog a good car passenger?
Dogs generally settle into a more manageable and sober middle age at about 4-6 (depending on breed/type, of course). Not that they don't still need plenty of exercise and social contact, but the furry whirlwind impressions become less frequent.
I have to ask, please don't be offended - are you currently feeling you've bitten off more than you can chew?
When I think of "teenage" dogs I remember best my DIL's brother's Staffie, whom DIL was dog-sitting for the weekend. We went as a family party to Richmond Park, human adults and three dogs, DIL responsibly keeping Lola on an extendable lead, but honestly! - it was like a cannon ball on a cheese-wire - I'm sure she cut at least three of us off at the knees at one point. The next occasion when I spent any time with Lola was a big family house party about four years later, and she was a different dog. She divided her time between my MIL and my mother, sitting quietly with her head at patting height next to one elderly human and then padding across the room to the other.
So if Pup is only two, and DH is doing his fair share of the dog care, I honestly should hold tight to her. The exercise, stress-relief, companionship - and, simply, love - that you'll gain will contribute so much to your wellbeing.
There are groups like rover.com that are fantastic in a pinch. You can have them dog sit in your house or theirs.
Best of luck to you. It’s a difficult decision. I adore animals.