My mother recently passed away from dementia. My siblings and I suspect that my father has it, but we have not been successful at getting him to go to the doctor. He refuses to leave his home, but we are concerned that he cannot care for himself. He is mobile and can do a lot for himself, but the home is in poor condition (won't allow anyone to repair because he can "do it himself"). No one visits because he has a ton of aggressive dogs. We have called animal control and they do not come out. Adult Protective Service has been involved because he has been accused of interfering with my mom's care (i.e., dogs and healthcare workers can't come in). APS keeps telling us to take care of it, but has not given us any direction as to what to do, except to get POA. He will not give any of us POA because he does not want to leave his house. Help please as we do not live in the state.
A couple of things, his dogs are his support system. Whether we agree or not, as long as they are being taken care of, they give him comfort and security, nobody is going to break in and harm him with those beasts at the gate. Please do not get them taken away.
If your dad is able to take care of himself but, can't do needed repairs on the house, stop asking, get your siblings and all others willing to help, swoop in and spend the day/weekend getting repairs done. Do NOT ask permission, ask for forgiveness later, when the house is dealt with.
As hard as it is to want to intervene for our parents and not be able to, remember, it is not always the best solution. At 89 he can make the decision how he wants to end his days. That's perfectly okay, even though we live in a world that says otherwise.
My dad said he would rather die in the Walmart parking lot then to ever live in another facility. As long as he was able to understand this concept and wasn't endangering others, I backed off and let him live his life. I think it was the best thing I could have done. He could have lived longer with the proper care but, it would have been a miserable existence.
Try encouraging dad and see if he becomes less resistant to company. Obviously he is on the defensive right now, try to get that calmed down and let him just be him, whatever that looks like.
I am sorry for the loss of your mom. May The Lord lead all of you during this new season. May HE give you all comfort, wisdom and strength.
They have the power to have your father transported by ambulance if he seems to need that intervention. You quite honestly do not if he is on his feet and saying no.
I would call him and check in daily. If he doesn't answer for some time I would attempt to knock at the door. If he doesn't answer you will have to call authorities for a welfare check. But for the life of me I cannot imagine what else can be done. You are unlikely to win a guardianship fight in which he will be supplied an attorney and you, as loser, will pay for it.
We have seen a few Forum members who have known that the parent needs intervention, the parent has refused, and the parent has died at home. This happens. And given we all DO die, this may be the last wishes of the parent.
I am so sorry, wish I had better answers, and hope someone else will. Offer Dad help. Check on him by phone and tell him the best way to keep you off the doorstep is to answer the phone and say he is fine. Offer to take him shopping, get meals on wheels, whatever, but I think there is little else you can do. You have in fact DONE all the right things, though to little avail. I can't think of anything else you might do.
In my city, if you call Animal Control, you will have an officer at your home within 12 hours. Sometimes within an hour, esp if you tell them that the dogs are 'vicious' or causing grief in the neighborhood. In fact, Animal Control is MUCH more 'hands on' than APS.
Perhaps dad can choose one or two of the easiest dogs to keep. Again, we are limited to the # of animals we can own.
I agree that you and family should do a 'swoop' and get together and get the house cleaned and safe. No, dad is never going to do it.
Is there a neighbor who would keep eyes on your dad and report to you? There usually is someone who wouldn't mind doing that--not cleaning or anything, just eyes on the situation.
And, yes, you are probably waiting for the 'fall' that gets him hospitalized. Awful as that seems, it's often the on;y way to get things changed.
Does dad realize that if one of those dogs attacks someone, he could be sued for many thousands of $$.
I can't imagine how bad his yard must look, I doubt he's out cleaning up dog poop every day.
He's not able to care for these dogs. Sadly, as much as he may 'love them'. they can't be happy--if they are vicious, something is wrong with them and they need training and care.
She said he is mobile and can take care of himself, it's the house that is concerning her.
If his wife was having care come in, then the dogs have some place to be put or can be put under control.
Quite frankly, when a stranger comes to a house with dogs, it is the dogs job to warn people. It's what they do, it doesn't mean they are viscous.
You may also want to confer with an Elder Care Attorney where you are for guidance on legal processes, needs etc. etc. ; when something else does happen to him ( fall etc ) you can bet your bottom dollar that the " family" will be contacted by medical authorities... you could be put in an even more difficult position. Learn about your legal requirements etc. and document, document, document all calls to APS and other health care etc. contacts that you make.
APS is unfortunately known for being slow to act in may situations.. Since you say that they have told you to " take care of the situation", you may need to seek legal advice ......
Best regards..
A. Accept home services & aides to visit him to provide care. Including tieing up his dogs & accept help from 'strangers'.
B. Move to a safer environment. Somewhere with staff. Hot meals, company & activities. But no dogs. (Maybe 1 could be brought in to visit).
C. Carry on as he is. Await a crisis to force change. Even if this means risk of falls, minor or major harm or even death.
No-one wants to get old & infirm. But some will accept aging with grace & even enjoy the company in group living.
Others are like an old Sea Captain - choose to go down with their ship.
If your Dad KNEW he was losing some skills &/or developing dementia, what would you guess his wishes would be? Which option fits his life values?