My mother probably has dementia. She was referred to a neurologist but never went for an evaluation. Her medical records state “self neglect” and “cognitive impairment.” She failed her drivers test a couple years ago so no longer drives. She became overwhelmed by doing her own banking and bill paying - was falling behind, losing credit cards, etc so my sister stepped in to help her with her banking. A month after my sister stepped in to help with the finances, my sister convinced my mom to sell a property in her estate/trust and she also convinced my mom to sell a different property to my sister. My mom had no representation in these deals. No appraisals, etc. There are 6 adult children in our family and no one knew about these transactions until after the fact. We have asked my sister to show proof that she actually paid mom a down payment for the property she’s buying from the estate, as well as proof she’s making monthly payments and she won’t comply. When we ask mom how much money she has left from outright selling the first property, she says “I don’t know, I’d have to ask ‘Sally’.” We filed police reports and had APS visit. My mom outright lied to the police and APS to protect my sister. She basically said she wanted to sell the property to them, she sold it at a huge discount because it needed work and she doesn’t need the money. She said she’s completely independent at home (cooks, cleans, handles finances) and this is false. She has help everyday from family members who clean and bring her meals. The police and APS didn’t access her bank statements to see if my sister is embezzling from my mom because my mom convinced them everything is fine and exactly how she wants it. Rewind- my mom has said selling the home to my sister was a mistake on several occasions and she asked my sister to reverse the transaction. Now my sister and her husband are isolating my mom from other family members: they changed the locks on my mom’s door. They bought her a new iPhone and added her line to their wireless account. It’s incredibly frustrating to have a trail of documentation proving my mom was manipulated; only to have the police and APS take her for her word (without even investigating.) I spoke with an attorney and they said guardianship is probably our only option and this sounds like a nightmare to put my mom through. Feeling so discouraged right now. Thanks for reading.
APS is manned by experienced, qualified social workers. You shouldn't need to tell them that they need to interview your mother sensitively and when she is free to express her true meaning without fear of repercussions. You shouldn't need to. But you might want to bring the point meekly to their attention all the same.
Isolation & financial exploitation of the elderly is very common nowadays and is usually done by a trusted family member.
Laws need to change to hold these people accountable!
The Elder Care Attorney can also request a detailed report of assets, what was sold to whom and where the money went.
If you want to protect your mom, her assets then those are the steps you will have to take. Good possibility that mom will not have to appear in court so she will be spared that.
Sounds like sister is a real winner--and is going to continue on being who she is and robbing mom as long as mom is not cognizant of what's really going on.
My OB stole from my parents over the years, and they just make excuses one after another to 'protect' him. We gave up.
Sadly, they wound up essentially losing their home and having to move in with YB, where mom is now living alone. She's not happy, but it is what it is.
We never did anything 'legal' against brother. I know a lot of people do. Getting guardianship of mom is going to be painful for her and you and will enrage sister, so be prepared.
You probably can't do much, going forth, but protect mom from the scamming sister. This is almost certain to cause a 'forever' break in the family, but you need to do what needs doing to protect mom.
As for the realitor and the low ball offer. I would have done the same thing. I actually do everyday when "charites" call asking for donations.
The only thing you may have is breach of responsibility, conflict of interest and at this point, it is civil not criminal and for probate court.
Your case is totally different. Your mom has cognitive issues which complicates the matter further. I’m so sorry that this is happening in your family. I don’t know what you could do to stop this issue.
Best wishes to your family.
It seems a pity that communication has broken down to this extent, so that no one can talk to the woman enough to reason with her and convince her to set everyone's mind at rest.
Also, yourself excepted, are you sure there was no family monkey business previously? None of the other four accepting gifts or payments that perfect children would have said no to?
Are you all (or any of you) still able to visit to support your mother as previously?
I know exactly how you’re feeling. If your mom included you & other siblings before & is shutting you out now sis & her husband could be lying to her about you & your other siblings.
This is the exact same thing my brother did to myself & my family. They might be telling her lies about you to scare her into not speaking to you. Mine told my mom I was trying to get her money & put her in a nursing home none of which was true. I questioned him as to why he was writing checks to himself to cash every week out of mom’s acct. She had all three of us on the acct
As for protecting them from police & APS, she might be afraid of what will happen to them if she tells the truth or she doesn’t want to appear that she can no longer control her life. My mom lied to APS because brother would yell at her not to speak to any of us. Even with her dementia she protected him because he has no one & she wanted his attention.
With some people their need for control & greed is so powerful they don’t care who they hurt.
I wish you all the best. Let us know how you make out.
You're guessing that she probably has dementia and in all likelihood you are probably right. Unfortunately, your opinion doesn't matter with the cops, the APS, or the court if it comes to that.
You say that your mother was getting overwhelmed and could no longer handle her own affairs. There are six adult children, just as you say. Yet only one out of six (the sister you're accusing of embezzlement and fraud) is the only one that stepped up to start helping mom.
Before there was a long trail of documentation proving your mom was is being manipulated, she had some time when she was slipping. Not coping with caring for herself and not being able to manage her financial affairs. You even say that her medical records state that she is 'cognitively impaired' and in a state of 'self-neglect'. There are six adult siblings. Only one noticed and took over?
The sister doing for your mom now will probably get a a larger portion of your mother's estate than the rest of you do. If your mother is willing to lie to the police and the state about being taken advantage of by your sister, then what are they supposed to do?
Unless your mother is declared incompetent and someone gets guardianship or conservatorship over her, she can sell whatever she wants or whoever she wants.