My dad doesn’t like his caregivers anymore. He says they are mean to him and are fat and ugly. He has dementia and I don’t know if this is a ploy to get me to stay with him instead of them. I’ve explained to him that I cannot be with 24/7. It’s very frustrating and tiring to go through this week after week. Any suggestions?
My doctor immediately prescribed Seroquel (Quetiapine) for her and it made a huge difference at only the lowest dose. Now she’s pleasant and not so easily perturbed. She was exhausting herself with her outbursts. Adding the medication was better for her and for me and her other caregiver.
There is no reasoning with dementia patients. Their thought process is not normal. I don’t discuss with her anything that requires her to understand she isn’t being nice or for that matter, what she blurted out is stupid! She just can’t understand. For example, she saw me stub my toe one day and asked why I’d kick the door? She wasn’t being funny it’s just the way she saw it.
I’m fortunate to have the support of my siblings in my decisions for her care. I know it’s hard for yours to understand from afar how you are seeing to the care of your parent. But if it’s up to you to see to overall care, make the right decision for the patient ...and you.
Tell your siblings medication isn’t a bad thing at this stage.
Call Dad's primary doctor to ask about a UTI test [simple, peeing into a cup] to see if there is an infection. If yes, this can be treated with antibiotics.
Sorry Sharona, not taking this less seriously, I had a similar problem with my dad, he used to say the carer wanted to rule his life and he was a free individual... what do you answer to that?!
You know what did the trick, poker! I gave him a deck of cards and the carer was playing with him, he started enjoying the carer immediately again :D
If he needs gorgeous people to wipe his butt and feed him, buy a very large screen tv, plant him right in front of it, and program it so only shows with beautiful skinny people are seen by him. I know you are just trying to help your dad as best you can!
Obviously you can't be their 24/7 but you may need to find different caregivers.
YES ~ old people can be and mostly Are Jerks...to the hired caregivers And to their own families. I've seen it in 90% or more of caregiving jobs I've had. And YES yiur dad is playing you and has Nothing better to do then use you and the caregivers for his entertainment. The more you feed into it the longer it will go on. And I'm sure the caregivers Don't lile him either and I'm sure he's No prize. He thinks they are there to Worship him and take his crap for the little pay they recieve and should be getting quadruple whatever they do recieve to put up with this. Tell him to straighten up and be a Gentlemen and Appreciate that anyone would want to take care of his nasty attitude. And of he has the ability to still understand finances tell him the worse he behaves the More it will cost him to hire someone willing to put up with him. Usually thats the Only way to get people like him to straighten up is hit them in the pocket book. And I would bet that he wants a good looking caregiver to sexually harass her and thinks she'll have to take it as part of her job. I am an attractive caregiver and after learning early in my career how these types of men/most elderly men are I refuse to caregive for men. So think what you want but this is honest feedback from a caregiver thats seen exactly what your discribing many times. If your parent needs a caregiver then the time has come for You to become the parent and make tough adult decisions. If he can't behave like a decent human being then don't give him what he wants and tell him the more abusive/yes ehat he is doing is abusive to your caregivers and to you...the more he wants to be a jerk the more it will cost to keep a caregiver to put up with his crap. And hire the opposite of what he wants. People think caregivers are their property or replacement for a partner. Thats not what we are for. We are there to provide help and friendship. Its not just the elderly men that are innapropriate, Ive been asked by a daughter to flirt with her father who's mother was still in the home. You would think common decency would give people a clue on how caregivers should be treated but it unbelievably tough being a caregiver and you wouldn't believe what your caregivers have had to put up with On Top of the already hard and discusting job they aren't paid enough for.
I pick and choose my clients and stand up for myself and for fair pay. I hope all your father's caregivers do to cause I wouldn't help him for no ammount of pay. He knows exactly what he is doing and its Not a UTI or mental disorder. He's a jerk plain and simple.
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