My father is saying it is the biggest event of his life to come visit for Christmas and if he doesn’t come he will get very depressed. He is in an independent living facility that has been on lockdown during pandemic. He want to fly halfway across country to see California. Not necessarily us. I get it, he needs to get out. But he is not considering the risks flying of getting sick, then potentially giving it to us, the elderly, compromised person, who would give him a ride, not to mention bringing it back to facility where he lives. How do I make him understand it is not about him and we are all making sacrifices during the holidays and everyday? Not to mention the guilt he is placing on us to keep him from getting depressed if we don’t comply?
It’s not like everyone else can travel and he can’t. It’s hard for everyone. But the more people think the rules don’t apply to them, the longer this virus will last.
Tell him he doesn’t have to be depressed if he decides not to be! Making you responsible for his emotions is just manipulation.
Is this "the disease talking" or is this something realistic that your father could actually plan and implement.
I think if the latter is the case I would make it clear to him that in Covid times that is not something you can allow, that depression may be an outcome and you would attempt to help him negotiate care for himself if that happens. That these are tough times with no easy answers, and sad times for so many, but sadly in this case the tough answer is that much you will miss him, he is not welcome to come visit.
What terribly sad and hard decisions we are all faced with now.
"We love you!".
Also, there is no social distancing in the plane. All the passengers are placed next to each other. Hopefully his seat-mates and those in front of him and behind him don't have the virus.
That said, he's an adult, and if he's competent, I guess he can go where he wants. I think it's highly unlikely his place would let him waltz right back in again when he returns, so you might point out that he's going to be quarantined for 10-14 days and stuck in his own place until such time as his facility allows him to be in the general population again.
I think a lot of our older loved ones realize they "can't buy green bananas," so to speak, so holding off another year to do something isn't a guarantee they'll be around in a year. We can't acquiesce to every desire and want, but we need to be cognizant of the different perspective they're coming from. Remember, too, most of these people lived through the polio epidemic and lived before vaccines, and yet they've survived. They probably think the rest of us are a bunch of wimps. :-)
Erase your guilt because the way I see it, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.
Of course you have empathy. So do I. Your dad will get through these tough times. We all will.
We must be smart. Your post has already shown that you are smart! Being cautious during these difficult and challenging times is very smart.
Your dad is blessed to have a very wise and caring daughter.
Take care.
With the virus on another rise yet again, and many numbers soaring higher than the original shut down parameters, the truth is that it isn't safe for compromised people to be able to travel here.
It is also a fact that there's really no serious distancing on airplanes, so there was already a high risk for exposure even before the covid numbers were on the rise.
Try to try to reason with Dad - - show him how the numbers are on the increase. If he can't be reasoned with, then you just have to tell him NO, that traveling right now is a hazardous idea that presents an unreasonable risk.
At least Delta, the only airline he'll fly, has 'distancing' no middle seats are assigned and the restrooms are cleaned as best as possible. Food is all prepackaged and the flight attendants are very cautious.
If dad is capable, I say let him.
I would check flying and airline restrictions. Does California have restrictions? Also, will he have to quarantine when he returns?
Make sure Dad understands all that is required. Carpe diem. Happy holidays!
Let me also say different areas are in different phases of this we’re in Texas where numbers are soaring again. I couldn’t put her on a plane going anywhere because their lockdown IS a lockdown no coming and going unless it’s to a hospital. So you might check with the facility before you go any further.
We spent her birthday/ All holidays masked outside and they’ve had multiple positives. Please check where he’s at first. If the allow it and he's negative and quarantined weigh that too.
You did not cause Corona virus so no need to feel guilty; you will need to call him on that too. If he is living in IL on his own in an area where he has no other family, Christmas is just one day, What does he do the rest of the year? Lots of us are not seeing our families this year.
I agree with others to check with the facility about restrictions before making any plans. He may have to go through 2 weeks of quarantine when he comes back.
Is he "with it enough" to wear his face mask consistently, keep appropriate social distances, and wash his hands frequently or will he need a companion to travel with him to help him maintain these safeguards?
Does he have the finances to pay for round trip tickets for himself and a travel companion?
Since I have travelled via air during this pandemic, please be aware:
Airlines are enforcing mask rules rather strictly.
Planes are full -no empty seats.
On arrival to your home, to take a full shower (including washing hair).
On arrival to your home, to place "travel clothes" straight in the wash with a laundry sanitizer and laundry detergent.
If he can make ALL the arrangements himself he can make the trip.
BUT I would also add this, Tell him in advance that he will not be welcome in your house unless he quarantines in a hotel for 2 weeks. That means no leaving the hotel room for 2 weeks prior to visiting your house.
Also add that you are not having a large gathering and that no more than "X" number of people will be allowed in the house at a time and everyone will wear a mask and everyone will "social distance" this means no hugs, no kisses.
And I would remind him that if at anytime during the time he is visiting if ANYONE feels ill then he will not be allowed to visit.
Tell him that this year is not going to be the way anyone wants it. It is not going to be a large family gathering. It would be best to wait until the trip can be made safely.
We're all in this together--maybe this pandemic will help us to think globally and not so selfishly.
We're just doing a very small Thanksgiving and Christmas with whatever of the 3 families here healthy. Then months from now we will have a full family blowout 'halfway to Hallowthanksmas'.
And yes, we are more than aware that our 90 year old mothers may very likely have had their 'last' traditional Christmas.
I mean no disrespect to flight attendants. It's a hard job and doesn't get near the respect it deserves. But FAs aren't nurses, doctors, researchers, or scientists.
If all of us (non-essentials) would have stayed put, completely, for the first lockdown, this could have ended long ago.
Every, “but I need to go ——-“ could cost tens to thousands of others their life.
If he does not have a computer, or tablet and if you can, get him a tablet or IPad, so that you could do FaceTime calls. Even though that can be done on a cell phone. The tablet gives a much larger picture, so it seems more real. We having been doing that with my sister and family quite often. We have about 5 different connections at one time. It is so nice. We get to see families in different states. Update conversations together. See how the children are growing, laugh together. It is quite wonderful. Once he would have that I would think he would use it often.
There is a problem if he can't understand that he has been in lockdown for a pandemic. If he leaves, they may not allow him back until he guarantines for 14 days. Where is he going to go?
I agree, sorry Dad not this year. We are just staying home. You can plan a trip when things get better. Just keep saying No.