Hey,
Things have gone well for me since I last posted, I do lurk from time-to-time and I have been thinking, what exactly can be done to alleviate the stigma around facility-based care. I just cannot help but think if said stigma was not as prevalent it would be an avenue that could help ease the pain of many families.
This is a question that has been on my mind and does bother me from time-to-time because had my ex been okay with placement maybe our marriage would not have ended. It felt like for one everyone single positive experience people had ten negative ones.
I get it is in our nature to remember and recount negative experiences especially over neutral experiences, but something must change going forward, no? We cannot keep having people give up careers or downscale from the workforce due to this concept that home care is the only viable option.
You see it often here and other forums people wanting to keep their loved one in their home, take them out of memory care because they cannot deal to see their loved one upset. In the case of my ex that was a major factor that held her back, she knew visiting her would break her heart because her mom most assuredly would ask to go home each time.
Even when we did visit faculties and asked questions of the staff, I cannot tell you how many staff told us they would not place their loved one in a place where they work, or how common it is for families to start off being consistent but as time goes on the visits and calls become less frequent.
Can we even fix this situation? I find this topic interesting because while it is a very small sample size and just one person’s experience. I became friends with a Medicaid planner at a higher end private pay month to month facility and a SNF. From what they told me generally they saw a more positive experience from the former over the latter.
Yet I have heart many wonderful things about some Medicaid faculties, but the language used always comes with a but, like the food could be better, could have more staff, facility could use some upgrades. It might just be my naïve mindset, but I do wonder if optics is all that has to be adjusted to solve this issue. Higher wages and more benefits for the staff provide more reasons for people to get into the field of caregiving because it is not like this is a field that can be replaced easily or outsourced easily.
I do understand that LTC has become a topic within the United States but ideas like having Medicare cover in home care is just a band aid fix in my opinion and I doubt it really has any change to become actual policy. It is a lovely idea but doubt it will gain any real traction outside of the voters that face this issue.
For those that have asked for updates before, I am doing well. It has been rough, but I have remained friends with my ex. I do not help her in the physical sense, but I do lend her my ear when she needs to vent and stuff. She is still being stubborn but that is life.
Hope this fosters and interesting conversation because I am very curious how others feel.
I was able to keep them in Assisted Living, a great private pay residence, for the duration, until dad died, and 4 years afterward for mom. Then I had to segue her into their Memory Care building for nearly 3 years. She was running out of money, so I found a very nice and highly rated SNF that would take her with Medicaid. But she'd have a roommate, and she got along with NO women at all. I knew she'd be very unhappy sharing a bathroom and having a roommate, but what could I do? She had advanced dementia and was wheelchair bound by then, at 95.
Mom died unexpectedly shortly before her funds ran out, so the SNF never became a problem.
I believe you CAN find a decent, well run SNF if the need arises and Medicaid is necessary. It's making the best of a bad situation which is old age and infirmity, advanced old age, in many cases. If we visit our loved ones and take care of their needs in LTC, that's doing our best and all that can be expected.
What's ridiculous to me is the stigma folks attach to ALL managed care, including Assisted Living which is more like a hotel and day camp for elders than the dungeon of death many portray it to be! I'd go to AL in a heartbeat if I had the resources when the time came. A Medicaid funded SNF with a roommate and a curtain separating me from my neighbor, not so much. It is what it is.
Having the mindset that in home care is NOT an option from the get-go helps the adult children find suitable places for their loved one.
Having the mindset that nowhere but home is good enough for MY parent creates a situation where NO managed care facility is suitable.
Its all in the mindset.
Basictakes, Good to see you.
What I am missing here I think is your OWN take on Medicaid financed facilities your loved one is in? You don't really say you think the care is stellar. DO you? You DO say that those working in the facility say they wouldn't want their loved one in it.
First let me tell you that my brother was in a private pay ALF. It was FABULOUS in every way, IMHO. It was Pacifica Senior Living in Palm Springs. Might as well give them kudos and a shout out. So no need of details, it was very good.
HOWEVER, I myself am fearful from what little I have seen overall that Medicaid facilities, with less money, have also less staff, fewer excellent meals, less consistent upkeep, and staff that is without a whole lot of great oversite, education, facilitation of care and etc.
I think your comment would live longer in Discussions: And I think it is a wonderful opportunity for those of us here to comment on:
1. What our experience of care is in private pay
2. What our experience of care is in Medicaid supported facilities.
I do know generally speaking yes the higher end places we toured did seem to provide a better standard of care, but that is just a snap shot. I have been told personally when asked from staff no they would not even consider where they work as an option.