MIL lives alone. She fell and broke her leg. The ER says she needs surgery but they discharged her. She has Alzheimer's and is prone to falls. Someone has to make an appointment for her to see an orthopedic specialist tomorrow. If they don't do surgery she will still need help and I'm not qualified, no one in the family is. She can't navigate crutches.
But this is HILARIOUS - "everyone in the family works except for me." No, everyone in the family gets to leave the house to work except for you - not the same thing at all! Two small children, you work.
Okay, whose mother is it anyway? You can't cope with MIL on your own, agreed. So her children are going to have to take some Family Leave, aren't they. She's their mother…
By the way, that is why you should put your foot down - that you have a job and MIL is not it. Your other worries, not to be dismissive, are what any sane person feels when faced with The Elder Care Challenge. But you'd be surprised how fast you learn.
The thing is, when you ask what resources are available, what kind of resources did you have in mind? If you're looking for short-term placement I'd have thought your hospital would have been the place to start asking - they'll be familiar with local facilities. Try them. And next time don't agree to the discharge - the woman has a broken leg requiring surgery, for heaven's sake. If that won't get you admitted, what will?
One point of order. There are qualified professionals on the forum, and their experience and advice is very valuable. But I would guess that the sizeable majority of caregivers here have no qualifications and are not turning cartwheels either at the thought of providing hands on care for their elders, some of whom are far from ideal parents. Or ideal human beings, come to that. The care needs doing, so we do it. Asking why you can't is not an unreasonable question, always granted that you in no way have to justify yourself.
Thank you for restoring my faith in family. I apologize for jumping to a less than flattering conclusion. My bad. Actually, I admire your insight in what will and won't work for you. I understand completely.
In an emergency pinch, a nursing home for even a day would give you breathing room. A more permanent option might be (for a few weeks) to have day help thru a service come in. If she's unable to get on her feet, that's a real issue and sorely limits options.
But maybe you COULD manage for a day or so until you could arrange day help -- even if it meant your husband took a vacation day or two.
If your MIL was still in the ER, I would advise you to talk to a social worker there about your dilemma. Perhaps you should call the social services dept very first thing in the morning and ask them for their help. I'm betting they have some ideas that can really help your family.
Again, my apologies for thinking the worst.
While I'm in good shape, I'm not strong enough to lift her if she needed lifting. I do care about her and because of that I want her to have the best care that she can get. I just don't think I'm the best person for the job. If it was me I would want a trained professional looking after me because I would be scared of my husband or child getting hurt or me falling and can't get up.
Thanks CM, it is true that being a stay at home mom is a job. Some don't realize or appreciate that. Sometimes it feels like the ils take a bit of advantage, like oh MB can do this that or the other, she's home all day anyway. Like I sit around doing nothing just waiting for something to do. I worry that this will be the approach if she gets sent home, that I don't work outside the home so therefore I'm available to wait on MIL hand and foot and I don't get a say in the matter in their minds. That if I put my foot down I'm a hateful heartless person or something.
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