I lost my job in April 2014, had to move in with a friend of mine, who at that time was working overseas, he also lost his job in Feb 2015, when i moved in, i had to look after his mom, who is 84, as she had series of mini steokes and also dementia. I take care of her, do the cooking, cleaning, ironing, shopping, laundry, run errands for them both. When i moved in i had just received my pension from the company i was dismissed from, i bought a car and a foodtrailer as means of income, but after a year and six months had to sell the foodcar, as i just dont have the time to continue with it as i am looking after his mom, and doing all the other things as well. Also when i moved in, i paid R50 000 to have the roof of the backroom fixed as it had rain damage and leaking, and i had to fix it in order to store my furniture there, after a bit more than a year, i moved out, but within 2 months i was back, continuing to do everything. I dont have the use of the fixed room now for storage and had to store my furniture at my parents house in a garage, its getting damaged there with water and also rat infestation. So i have "paid" and "lost" the money i spent to store my things in the room i paid to have fixed. I hardly get time for visiting my kids saw my kids in December 2015, and see my family maybe once a month on a saturday, provided i take the elderly lady with me when i go visit. Her other son and daughter refuses to look after their mother, even for a couple of hours. I often feel like i have no life and i cannot leave her on her own. She refuses to go to a care centre, as we also have no money for that. She receives a small state pension, and i am honestly to my wits end here. We are battling to keep head above water, as both her son and I are still rmployed, but get no help from the siblings. Her son asked me to find out what my remuneration package would be, in order for me to arrange a meetingwith her other two children, as i have been doing this now for almost three years now. I love the lady and dont want to dissapoint her and leave her to own devices as nobody else are willing to look after her. I buy food and prepare all meals, but not paying rent as i am taking care of her. Could you plase advise on what i could tell them with regards to my salary package? Thank you
BUT people don't think about contracts and are fxxxxxxcked
Then again so many of us just don't think
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/personal-care-agreements-compensate-family-caregivers-181562.htm
Quoting one of my favorite contributors to knowledge network groups
Attorney at law Kevin P. Keane:
"agreements not reduced to writing, are NOT worth the paper they ain't written on."
Also always look at "Frail Elder Waivers" ....
If I decided to get a full time arrangement, then I interviewed one lady who would work for $4,000 per month for living in 6 days per week plus I would have to pay for medical insurance, probably about $800 per month plus 15% for taxes on top of the $4,000. Room and board would not be taken into consideration as we have to put her up and provide food since she would be living with mother.
The downside for caregivers is that if they work for an agency, the agency charges around $22 per hour but they take about 50% of that, so the caregiver gets $11 to $12 per hour (until the new minimum wage for California kicks in which will take a couple years).
The caregivers are all licensed CNAs. They provide help with daily activities such as bathing, dressing and bathroom, and they do mild household chores such as cooking, dishes, straightening up the kitchen, changing the bed, some laundry, helping with the pets, grocery shopping, driving to appointments.
I'm sure that expenses vary around the world. California may be quite expensive, but there is a very good labor supply so it may cost less than other places.
I don't understand why some people are telling you not to ask for a salary package. The lady's son is asking you for the information, so it would be odd not to provide the information. The best way to find out is to call local agencies as an interested customer and ask what would it cost to get their service. Then if there are assisted living with memory care or nursing/convalescent homes in your area, you should also call and find out what the cost is in your area for a person in the condition of the lady that you are helping.
Then put the numbers down and show the family how much money they will be spending without you. It is probably going to be a large enough amount to put a scare into them. Then you either offer to work for the same hourly rate as the agency or make them a monthly stipend offer.
Do not take out your room and board from your income. That is not the way that it is done. If I have someone living with my mother, then I pay them a fixed amount for a fixed number of days per week, and some kind of paid vacation. Some get 1 or 2 days off per week. Then I would have to hire an additional person to do the weekend caregiver work so that she will not be left alone.
Everything you do such as grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, those are all the chores for which caregivers are paid, at least in California. I don't know where people live that they expect those things to be done for them for free.
As a live in caregiver, you should receive a salary and should not be responsible for any expenses. You might be able to go to small claims court to get the money back for the roof as that would have been a loan to help someone else benefit their property. Of course, once you take someone to court, you will not be friends.
As far as recouping past wages for the time you have put in, you will have to be dealing with incredibly ethical and generous people to get paid in arrears. It's highly unlikely because they will not have known what it would cost. Your best option is to do your due diligence know. Provide them with the cost information. Then let them do what they want.
If they chose not to give you a salary commensurate with your area, then you should walk. Once you have explained your value and provided proof, then you have to stick up for yourself. Your friend should still give you a good reference, and you can find another family in need of help who will pay you what you are worth.
Your attachment to the elderly lady is beautiful and remarkable. If you have the money and time to devote yourself to her care a volunteer effort, you can make the choice to do so. But do so with your eyes open. Understand your worth and find out if the family will compensate you accordingly. You have given them several years of your volunteer work. No one could ask more of you. Don't look backwards at how much you've lost. Be certain to move forward to a more equal and fair arrangement with this family or move on. We are each responsible for how we let people treat us. Remember, money is not bad, it is how we set value and trade services.
This situation isn't stable, too many things could change even if you were able to finally start receiving a salary. The family might think down the road since you worked for zero pay, why should they pay you now. They see you as needing a roof over your head.
Make it a lesson learned to first have a signed contract [how many hours per week you will work, and the hourly rate] before doing this again. I say, cut your losses and go back to your family.
Hm, no talk of a contract so I bet this was all "between friends"....and that can get sticky.
I worked Elder Care for a few years, for an agency, so they took the lion's share of whatever they were billing out. I made $8.50. After a year I got a 50 cent raise. Along the way, the family "tipped" me every month , as mom got harder and harder to care for. I still was making only about $12 an hour.
When we had paid private care for daddy, it was $20 an hour. Even that didn't seem like enough. It's that hard on the caregive.
Honestly, this isn't your family, you are being taken advantage of in a big way and you should probably get out.
The difference between "service" which can be wonderfully rewarding and "servitude" which can be demeaning and depressing--is only a heartbeat apart. Service uplifts us, servitude drowns us.