What can I do about wandering?

Since asking the above question, I found out from our local police and our elder law attorney that I cannot lock her in the house. Apparently it's not exactly legal. So now I don't have any idea what to do. Reading the comment about the dementia patient drowning in the water scares me. I just don't know what to do. I will be getting more caregiver help pretty soon but it won't be around the clock. This disease makes life very difficult. Thank you everyone for responding.

Both of my parents and one of my aunts all have forms of dementia. My aunt was very self-protective so even though she talked constantly about getting into a car and driving home, she never really tried to do it. It was more a threat to motivate me to action on her part but I never took the bait. My mom was definitely a homebody. She would get cabin fever and wanted to go out but she had a fixation for only wanting to use her bathroom so we were never out long and she always wanted to return home.

My dad on the other hand had a fixation with "going home". I kept telling him daddy, we are home, which only served to frustrate him. Finally I thought to ask, what home? He look at me as if I were nuts and said Hollywood of course. He was79 then and hadn't lived at his parents home in Hollywood (long gone btw) since he was 28. We had a security door on the front of the house that we had to keep locked. He could go out the back door but the backyard with fenced and the gate was locked. I guess we were fortunate he didn't try to go out windows or over the fence. He was a big man compared to my mom and eventually had to be put in a locked facility because he became dangerously violent, although we knew it wasn't his fault. At the facility, he did try to escape by climbing fences but the enclosures were at least 8 feet high so they were always able to contain him before he got out. In anger however, he threw his glasses and his dentures over the fences into deep ivy, and they were never to be seen again.

As you can see, all dementia patients are different. If you want to keep your mom home, you WILL have to find a way to secure the home completely. In my younger days, when I was in my mid 20's and the only experience I had with memory problems was my great aunt who had "delirium" because of cancer that had metastasized to her brain, the neighbor where I lived, who is caring for her elderly mother (and I later realized I had Alzheimer's), "escaped" out an accidentally unlocked front door, crossed our residential street, tripped and hit her head on the curb, knocked her self unconscious and round into inches of gutter water. If you can't be assured of securing your mom, you will have to place her in a locked memory care facility. Anything else is too dangerous to imagine.

I'm sorry for needing to tell you a horror story, but the neighbors mom dying the way she did is still on my mind over 40 years later. I can only imagine the perpetual grief it caused my neighbor. Believe me that nobody wants to live with that.

Yes, the KEY-ONLY locks are necessary. I wear the key on a lanyard around my neck and feel like a prisoner. But what else was there to do?

As a back-up in case I forget to lock something, Mom has been equipped with a TRACKING DEVICE which is fastened to her ankle. Luckily she accommodates this. When she questions it, I tell it's so we can find her if she ever gets lost and that satisfies her.

The equipment was loaned to us by the local Sheriff's Office (St. Johns County, Florida). Their victim advocate staff handles it and a woman came to our house to affix the device. She also comes when the battery needs changing and meanwhile I use their *tester* to check the battery on a daily basis. If Mom goes missing, I call the Sheriff’s Office and they have her in the computer system, along with photographs of her, and they go looking. I think the tracking range is a mile and a half. This has been a great help to my peace of mind.

No point in resisting this. If you don't feel strong in your necessary actions, your mother will sense that and keep arguing. Blessings to you in this challenge.

sounds like a secure memory care facility is required for many of these people. I had to do that with my husband because he would take off in the car! The last 2 times he was gone for 3+ hours, lost and totally confused. Only by the grace of God he didn't have an accident and hurt himself or anyone else. The first time he was 20 miles from home at a grocery store. The associated there were kind, took him in, called me and helped me get him home. The 2nd time I had no choice. I called the police. Had a Be On the Lookout For bulletin put out and was finishing up what is called a Silver Alert, similar to an Amber Alert but for seniors. Just as the BOLO went out, the hwy patrol found him on the side of the interstate!! The only reason he stopped was because he ran out of gas. He had no idea where he was, where he had been, where he was going, where he lived, etc. It was horrifyingly scary and caused me such stress that I nearly ended up in the hospital myself. If you want to protect your loved one, the public, and yourself, you need to find a facility for your loved one. This was the hardest thing I've ever done, but it had to be...for everyone's safety and my sanity. It's been a roller coaster ride for me since then, but at least I know he is safe and secure and being cared for 24/7 because I couldn't do it any longer. Please, for your sake, the sake of your loved one and for everyone around you, call today! Call the Alzheimer's Association for leads on places. Call your local elder care agency. Call and call and call. You will find a good, safe, loving facility for your elder. God bless. Peace!

Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia are one of the most debilitating diseases of our time.It is the progressive and degenerative nature of Alzheimer’s that it is infamous for. Hiring home care workers as full-time or part-time caregivers for Alzheimer’s disease is a sensible solution.

If you can get her to carry a cell phone, most have tracking capability. Verizon calls the feature "chaperone" but any carrier can do this for you.

I went through this with my MIL who had dementia, and for whom I was 24/7 caregiver for the last two years of her life. As long as she was able and weather permitted, we would take several outdoors walks each day. Some of these were quite long, as I was hoping to tire her out or get it out of her system for the day. Despite being tired sometimes and wanting to go back inside, she would often get up just minutes later and be ready to go again. I finally secured the doors to the point that she could not open them on her own, and I sometimes just had to remove myself from the situation, sit aside in a far corner of a room where I could still see her, and just let her roam from door to door until she gave it up for the day. This could sometime last for up to 3 hours or more. I would try to distract her, and often took her out for long and winding car rides when the compulsive walking seemed to be getting the best of both of us. She really did not seem to tire of the walking door to door, although she would frequently seem frustrated and pull on the knobs with surprising strength. Until I secured the doors and removed myself from actively keeping her from going out, she would get extremely angry and aggressive with me. Even when we were out walking together, I had to call the sheriff twice to help me get her home, when she would not walk back to the house, but was insistent on going toward the highway instead. The staff from the sheriff's office were very helpful, responding quickly, driving us home, and coming in and talking for awhile. Still, it was hard to explain how I needed help to get my 90 pound, 5 foot MIL to return the block or two from her house, at least the first time, but she would get physically aggressive, kicking, pinching and even spitting at me. I was certainly not going to respond in kind, so thank Heaven for the sheriff's staff. I had covered the doorknobs with plastic covers designed to keep toddlers from opening doors, but even had to secure those with duct tape wrapped around and around, as she could usually get the knob covers off when really intent. I also had to add internal hardware, sliding locks and the locks like those on doors inside hotel rooms, designed to keep someone from forcing the door open from the outside. They also had to be above her reach. This went on for a few months until a change was finally made to her medication, when Namenda was added to the Aricept that she had been taking for more than two years. This behavior of trying to "go home" then began to change. She had been strongly fixated on going home to her childhood home in Tennessee, hundreds of miles away from her home in northern Illinois where she had lived for more than 60 years. She believed that her parents were ill and needed her help, and nothing could convince her otherwise. Eventually, this behavior mostly subsided, though there were still instances now and then, and until the end of her life about 18 months later, she still woke and wandered almost every night, but just from her bedroom to the living room where a bed was also made up for her on the couch. I discovered something late in the process, that might have made a difference in the overnight wandering, had I tried it earlier. She was beginning to fall now and then, and I began sleeping on a loveseat in the living room and just let her sleep on the sofa all night, rather than going to her bed. This seemed to calm her and help her sleep more soundly through the night.

I would have to say that this was definitely the most challenging part of caring for her and I was so thankful when it mostly passed. I wish I had some better advice, but this is what helped us. All the best to you and your mom.

Yes, gigi, I should have mentioned a double locking the deadbolt, with the key required for each side. You can't have one where you can turn the inside lock by hand. And because of a safety issue, such as fire, you do need to have a key immediately available. It's also good to have a couple of neighbors who are frequently home with the key to let in paramedics, the fire department or police.

Hi Confused, I went through it with my Mom for a year ( in my home). you can buy keypad locks and put the keypad on the inside of your door for your basement door, etc. On the outside doors I have a chain on top that she couldnt reach. She would pull it and yell at me, it was a long year until I finally called the dr and he put her on depakote sprinkles. You might want to ask the dr about them. She was on them 2 years and I recently started weaning her off of them because she cant walk anymore. She is coming awake! She says some words now, can scratch her on neck, cross her legs, and she laughs and laughs! Its just a Stage and they cant help it. Its the rougest part of the disease until they start to pee on the floor! haha No fear, buy unstrippable pajamas!!! Moms been with me over 5 years now, it is a slow disease for sure. Hang in there, its not their fault, the poor poor things.

I pray that you can find the strength to put her in a locked memory care unit. I like all of the ideas above, but someone who is at Level 6 of Alzheimers, in my opinion, just needs more help than any one person can provide. You will be in my thoughts. Lots of hugs.