I very much dislike visiting a parent in memory care. I visit mainly just to check in how they are being looked after and their physical health looks well, room looks nice and they are well dressed and to be seen by the staff.
My parents partner is in full health and visits a lot as well as there are other family members who visit.
I'm at a struggle as to what to do during this time when I visit because of the advanced stage of Alzheimer's. The parent has lost their verbal capabilities and cannot really speak in a sensical way. Im not sure that they really understand anything I say either. They have a very limited attention span so you cant really watch tv with them or sit with them as they will get up and start wandering within a couple of minutes. I used to bring food but I dont do that anymore as when you give it to them the parent drops it everywhere or takes a bit and then throws it away or just drops it on the ground and forgets about it. I can't really play any type of basic game with them as they have no mental capacity for it, I sometimes show them through picture books and make comments. But this gets a bit taxing and they also stop paying attention and walk off.
Bear in mind I have never had a good relationship with my parent and my childhood was messed up. So not a normal situation where I have a lot of motivation. So don't just try compare this to your usual cared for child and parent situation.
Are there any ideas as to making the visits more enjoyable for the both of us? My visits are reducing in frequency more and more as it is so unpleasant and I am also very busy.
You don't have to stay long, maybe just 30-45 minutes, and maybe you can try bringing along some of your LO's favorite music, as music has proven to be very powerful with those suffering from any of the dementias. There have been instances where a nonverbal person has started singing when they heard music that they were familiar with. Certainly worth giving it a try. Best wishes.
My granny didn't have a clue what was going on with reality, so we would walk to the dining room, share a coke, walk in the garden and play a little catch with a stuffed animal and change her baby dolls clothing. That all took less than a half hour because they have no attention span. Do what you are comfortable with.
Maybe bring treats for the staff, this will go a long ways in showing how much you appreciate the care they give even when you are not present frequently, walk a little bit with mom and head out.
My dads facility loved homemade goodies and fresh foods. Something that is easy to grab and go was popular. A dollar store card telling the staff that you appreciate them and all their hard work is a great addition to those homemade cupcakes or cookies, maybe a nice fruit platter with toothpicks in the fruit to grab and go.
You are doing a very nice thing by showing up. It is okay if it is on a schedule that works for you.
My daughter worked NHs and ALs for 20 yrs. She says you don't have to visit all the time. With your history once a week would be fine.
I dont visit once a week. Its now more like once a month. But have been thinking of cutting it back a bit more even. Will see. Unless I can work out making it more enjoyable.
Reality is that because I didnt have a good relationship with the parent prior to alz I saw them say two or three times a year. So its been kind of ridiculous that in the last year and a half I have been seeing them at times daily, weekly and now around monthly, for some very low quality time. Kind of ironic really,
I would bring a treat (a latte and something chocolate-y). I would come with about 45 minutes worth of "material"--stories about family, friends, pictures from Facebook, sometimes embellished anecdotes, work stuff. I would do her finger nails and shave her chin hair with a portable, battery operated thingie.
I did this every week for about 3 years (the NH she was in was about 2 hours away); at the end, I cut back to every two weeks. When the weather was good, we went outside and sat by the lake for my recitation of "material".
I was never good at this; it was heart-wrenching and uncomfortable.
The manicure things are nice. I havent tried those things. but not sure, the parent gets quite aggressive when trying to do any cares.
My husband loves watching and hearing the Lawrence Welk show on PBS. I record the shows and play them at least every other day. He doesn’t even know if it’s a repeat from a prior day or a 1/2 hour before. The songs/words he remembers is amazing. I even see him tapping on his knee in time to the music and he doesn’t have any musical background. It gives him joy and gives me the same as well as time to catch my breath or get other things done.
There were years I was a volunteer clown for nursing homes and hospitals. I will never forget how well received I was as when I went to each resident in memory care, mostly non verbal, as we did what I called chair dancing. As the music played, I went to each one, taking their hands in mine and swayed back and forth to the music with each one of them. It brought so many smiles to folks that had not smiled or responded in sometime. Best is to get at their eye level. Sitting in a chair facing them saves your back.
Shorter visits can be fine. They have no concept of time. Holding their hand can be very comforting to many. Sitting quietly with no words said. Having a small soft lap blanket for the patient to touch, pet, cuddle is special.
Hope this is of help as we journey through this together.❤️💜