My mother has caregivers 4 hours a day. This is no longer working. She refuses meds, never bathes and is now incontinent. She pooped her depends and refused to let the caregiver help her clean up. She just put clean ones on over the old ones. She will not drink any water. She was hospitalized twice this year for dehydration. She has Rheumatoid arthritis in her feet and can barely get around but refuses to use a walker. I work lot of hours and can't deal with the nonstop problems and her nasty attitude. She was diagnosed with dementia in August. Its just not safe for her to be alone when caregivers are not there. There are several really nice NH near me that come with good referrals from friends with family that have been there for some time. My brother plans to call APS so we can get some kind of evaluation so we can move her. What happens after the call is made? The stress is going to kill me.
Can you even get a person into a nursing home without a doctor's letter? It seems it takes an injury or serious illness to get someone into a nursing home and they have to go there from the hospital. Dementia alone won't put them there.
It seems they really try to push families to deal with the dementia patient at home. This is impossible when people have to work full time and need their sleep cause we know those old folks like to party all night.
IF you move in with the person and the dementia gets so bad that you cannot manage it and you try to leave, you can run afoul of the law being charged with abandonment.
I sincerely hope that APS can find a way to get your mother into care.
Consider resigning POA and allowing the State to take guardianship. If APS "threatens" that, say "yes, PLEASE!".
If she ends up in the hospital again, proactively go to the discharge/social work department as soon as she is admitted and tell them what her situation is at home and that you have no control due to her refusals.
Katiekat makes a good point: her diagnoses are listed on all her medical and hospital records. They cannot bill Medicare without diagnostic codes and justifications for tests and treatment.
Medicare billing brings me to my next point: Follow the money. When any doctor says XYZ, let them know that you will be following up with Medicare about billing and that you need her diagnoses and treatment plan in writing to verify billing.
Because she has been diagnosed with dementia, it is up to you as POA to inform the social worker and case manager at the hospital that she cannot be discharged to home and that she must be placed in long term care. No one can force you into caregiving for your mother.
She sounds seriously noncompliant and it's just a matter of time before an ambulance must be called and she's going back to hospital. Let it happen and let the hospital place your mother in a nursing home because, at that point, the doctors will have to put it in writing why she cannot live at home anymore.
If APS finds your mother to be not safe they may have her transported to hospitalization. This may be the easiest option as you could get a social worker on her at once. But there must be a gathering now of what resources she has, etc. And if she is completely uncooperative I am not certain myself that I would pursue any of it including guardianship; I would rather the state take over, albeit her finances and her placement are then out of my hands. I would not know how to proceed with someone completely uncooperative. Your mother is definitely beyond the level of care where she can be alone at all. She needs 24/7 placement now. But without POA and guardianship this may not be in yours and your brothers control.
Hope you will update us and wishing you the best. I have no idea how it will go for you and people seldom update us to let us know how these things work in their area, so know any information you can give US is greatly appreciated.
When mom was hospitalized, were the discharge planners apprised of the fact that she lives alone?
They referred him to a CW with APS. They said they try to go out within 48 hours to evaluate. I too am part of that crappy club no one wants to be a part of. Taking care of a nasty bitter mother who never cared about her parental duties/love after insemination. Her job was done apparantly
How can someone with a medical background just not give a flying $^%#@! About an elderly person who clearly cannot make decisions for themselves?
Wooo weeeee this forum is really cathartic. Thank you to everyone who post here. It is comforting to know I'm not the only one that has no life.
Facilities are too expensive to do private pay. Who can afford that? Certainly not the average person. Work with the social worker and her physician.
I know someone that is going through this right now. He’s a friend who has colon cancer and recently had a stroke. He has lived alone all his life. He never married. No children. No living siblings. One nephew that lives in another state.
I recently went to see him in the hospital with another mutual friend. His doctor was there in the room examining him. His doctor told us that he needed to speak to the next of kin.
Well, his nephew travels with his job and we could not reach him. He’s a diver and he only sees Bill a couple of times a year.
Our friend, Bill gave the doctor permission to speak to us. We have been friends for 25 years. So the doctor said to us, “He’s not going home.”
Bill asked for one of us to be his POA. We both declined saying that we did not want the responsibility.
So the doctor responded to us by saying, “If I do not hear from the nephew I will make arrangements for him to be placed in a nursing home because he cannot live alone anymore. He had a stroke and needs supervision.” Bill is a little older than my friend and I.
Bill’s nephew finally returned our call and said that he could not take on the responsibility of being POA for his uncle. So the doctor will place him. We told the doctor that we will be happy to look at some of the homes that will be suitable for him. That’s all we will do, other than visit him once he is settled there.
This is unfortunate for Bill but it’s his only viable solution. He can no longer care for himself or his apartment. It’s a tough situation.
Best wishes to you.