Background: up until he was 93, he lived alone in another state with no support system. He drove to a drug store for food (Oreos and Coke). He drove to a restaurant daily to eat. He should not have been driving. My last visit the electrical was bad in the house, bathrooms leaked, etc etc. clothes were not washed. He refused help. My brother sold my dad’s car. I sold his house and we moved him to be near me. He’s now 94, getting worse. He’s in Assisted Living. Very little attention is being paid to him. His memory comes and goes. He has congestive heart failure. Do I move him to a different kind of care?
The first few weeks at AL the staff would come to escort him to meals. He would usually just go to lunch and would take mom from MC with him. He had a very full and busy life and had reached the point that he preferred alone time. That is ok. Some people are just not social and like their time alone. He was one of those, as am I. And staff have many people to care for and just do not have time to spend trying to get an elder interested in being social.
Does he need a higher level of care? Get an assessment done by his doctor to determine that. Ask staff where he is now their thoughts. Then decide. Also consider how difficult moves are on the elderly. A move nearly always causes decline, sometimes temporary. My thought is always if it is not broke do not attempt to fix it. There are too many unknowns.
I'm sorry to hear about your dad's health. What an amazing man to have lived independently for as long as he has. I would definitely talk to the doctor and nurses. Congestive heart failure is very hard to manage. I wonder if maybe he could be depressed as well after living independently for so long. It must be hard to adjust to a new environment.
Talk to your dad and see if you can get to the bottom of how he is feeling and what he wants. I wish so much I had talked, really talked to my dad instead of assuming.
I hope you can find the right care for your dad.
Thinking of you.
Good luck on your efforts. I hope you find a place as good as the one I have found. I went to 8 or 9 different assisted living/memory care facilities and luckily picked this one. Back then, it was a the only one that had memory care apartments large enough for a married couple, with a choice of a two bedroom, one bedroom, or efficiency. Jim's wife has since passed on and he remains in that same apartment. He remembers his wife and misses her, but nothing could stop her brain from shutting down. And he is thankful he had such a wonderful person in his life for the 47 years they had together. She is in a better place now, so wishing her back would not be an improvement for her. This attitude helps him be happy for what he has each day.
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