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Loved one in memory care at a cost of $12,000 a month. Now I have topay for 12 hours of private duty on top of that. $55 an hour. I thought I was putting her in this facility because they had staff totake care of her. They had her snowed on Haldol and when I requested that be stopped it was either drugs or we pay for private duty. She can be agressive but is easily distracted. We will be bankrupt trying to pay for all this

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If the Haldol calms her, let her keep taking it!

You should not be paying for her care in any capacity.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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If she requires distraction when aggressive, doesn’t that mean someone has to be with her all the time? I know $12,000 sounds like a lot, but it doesn’t provide constant attention from the staff. There are 720 hours in a month. $12,000 is $16 per hour. And that’s just staff time-doesn’t cover the facility, food, supplies, medical staff, management, etc.

$55/hour sounds to me like a deterrent. They don’t really want to do this. Maybe you could get a better price if you hire your own private duty minder, if the facility would be okay with it.
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Reply to iameli
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No Memory Care Assisted Living facility is going to provide one on one care all day for an aggressive resident! Your loved one needs medication for her OWN peace and tranquility in addition to being manageable for staff if you'd like her to stay in managed care. Idk what "snowed" on Haldol means exactly, but my mother needed Ativan and max dose Wellbutrin to stay moderately calm in Memory Care. Even still, she was wheeling herself around the building looking for her dead relatives who she insisted were hidden in closets. Hospice kept her on a more regular schedule of Ativan, fortunately, because it was terrible to witness the poor soul in such a state.

You can get a geriatric consultation for your loved one, but realize medication is the most reasonable outcome here. Why would you want her (or him) to feel so agitated in the first place??? Dementia is a horrible lose-lose situation for ALL involved, but most of all for the sufferer. Please don't make it worse than it already is! And save $55 an hour in the process.

Good luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Yes, I would say that you have reached the point where it is either drugs or it is this private duty pay. I sympathize; I cannot imagine how the cost can be borne. But I will say this: without drugs someone this agitated will be injuring staff and other patients; that can't be allowed.

I would speak now with the MD, asking transfer to hospital at the best and SNF at the least. I would ask that different drugs and drug cocktails be tried in an effort to find some medium between completely "snowed" and agitated.

I won't know what to say to you really other than this, finally. We I this loved one I would pray to god (unbeliever that I am) that I was snowed to oblivion. What really is the sense to living in this condition? It is torture. It is torment. It is a Hades on earth. And I cannot imagine how it can be allowed, nor what it would be to stand witness to it over time. I spent my life as an RN. There's no one I can imagine who would not rather be dead that go through this. Would you wish to?

I am so very sorry.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Will your minder never have to take a break?

Will they never get a scheduled break? Lunch?

Will they never call in sick?

At any of those times, your loved one may hurt another resident or caregiver. At which time, your loved one could be asked to leave. (I would raise heck if it were MY mother who was hurt. $60,000 a year to be injured? I might be calling the police.)

Please reconsider your decision to not appropriately medicate someone who clearly needs it.
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Reply to cxmoody
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