Follow
Share

I'm curious and a bit suspicious as to why step mom's distant family would go through hoops to reach out after many many years of no contact. Step mom is under hospice and at end of life. Step mom never had children but Dad does. Other than being polite, what else could they possible want?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
You may well have someone doing geneology research. It is exceptionally common these days. The stuff is often even given as gift.
I am uncertain what you mean by "reaching out". I would simply tell them that your Mom is unwell and unable to communicate with them. Should they pursue I would tell them that she had no contact with them for _______ years and you are not comfortable sharing any information with them. Wish them well. And that's that.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Dear "Nurturbynature,"

Could be any monetary benefits they think she may have or possibly guilt for not being involved in her life after all these years.

Either way, I'm with you as to being suspicious and would say to just be cautious when dealing with them and limiting how much and what types of information you share not only about her but, your dad as well as yourself.

Trust your gut instinct if anything else.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Nurturbynature Jan 2021
Thanks, my first instinct is something monetary. I doubt if they feel any guilt about not being keeping in touch.
(3)
Report
See 1 more reply
Just to clarify, this would be my step grandmother who was married to my long deceased granddad. Step mom/grandmother's family called after many years of no contact. I'm just curious could this be some fishing expedition related to next of kin.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
AlvaDeer Jan 2021
Got you. thanks for that update. My bet still goes to geneology. But why not just ask?
(2)
Report
While you may have every right to be suspicious, they might just want to make their peace with her, before she dies. so they don't have to live with the guilt of ignoring her all these years. Try giving them the benefit of the doubt, until they prove otherwise.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Good question ...
It is a little late. Question do they want to know how she is? kind of late. Possibly to see if there is any money coming to them. I would send a note to the effect what stage she is in. ....
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I think AlvaDeer might be on the right track. With the TV shows and the commercials as well as people having time at home to do things that they would not have had tome for in the past it is common to find "long lost family"
Or it is possible that someone else in the family has recently passed and now their family is going through papers and "finding" relatives.
If you wish, make contact. Keep it on line for now and see what the purpose of the contact is. If these are "distant" as you indicate they should have no "claim" to any assets that step grandma has. But give no information or confirm any info until you feel comfortable. (And if you have a family lawyer you might want to run it by them if there is a sizable estate)
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Money.
But maybe kindness..?
I'd be polite but wary.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

That's right, Beatty... inheritance.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Here is another guess, but making sure say we can only guess unless they are actually asked. What if Step Mom came into money from the passing of someone in the estranged distant family?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
cwillie Jan 2021
I don't know how it works there but when I was settling my mother's estate all beneficiaries got a letter from the lawyer that was helping me in my duties as executor. Even if someone was working without legal advice I kind of doubt they wouldn't be upfront about the reason they were looking for distant/estranged family members if this was the reason.
(1)
Report
Lets be honest they are sniffing around for possible money. What else would be the reason? We have experienced this many times in the past and recently. Be very aware.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

A very distant family member contacted us. She was, in fact, doing genealogy. She very nicely shared pictures that had my dad in them as a baby. We had never seen them before.
She also shared HUGE genealogy charts with us. They went back hundreds of years. I was grateful that she got in contact with us. No money was ever mentioned.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Update:

First thanks to all who have chimed in so far.

I spoke directly to the niece of my mom's step mom, my step grandmother and she restated that she is at end of life and wanted to let her step children know. She further stated that should would be visiting the nursing home tomorrow and would keep us updated.

I'm still not certain if pending death is the reason for the contact.

A bit of backstory: step mom/grandmother came received a large settlement as a result of my dad/granddad's death over three decades ago. I doubt if anything is left.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
AlvaDeer Jan 2021
If something is left hopefully she has left a will. It will then go to whomever she left it to. Does sound odd at this point. But some people have these movie like deathbed screnarios in their brains that almost NEVER do pan out. It honestly doesn't matter what they want at this point; I would imagine it is much to late for them to "get anything" even if that is their nefarious goal, and I doubt it is.
(0)
Report
Be cautious. Something is going on. Maybe step-grandmom has money and someone wants to make sure steps cannot inherit.

My daughter was adopted by my DH. Her bio Dad died intestate. Daughters adoption papers read that bio Dad was giving up his rights and she gave up hers to anything of bio Dad. So SIL got a lawyer and he requested a copy of daughters adoption papers. We r sure it was to prove Daughter had no rights to bioDads estate. That as next of Kin his half sister and brother inherited. Lawyer has never gotten back to my daughter so will assume his sister got everything.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

OP here, just posting another update. I never heard from the distant family members regarding step mom/grandmother and believe it was just a fishing expedition to see if family was still around and living.

I did a bit of skimming and I believe that since my mom was never adopted by her step mom she really wouldn't be entitled to anything. As I've stated before, the Dad, my granddad was tragically killed many years ago and I'm sure the money from that incident is long gone.

Thanks everyone!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
AlvaDeer Jan 2021
Thanks for the update. So few come back to fill us in on what happened in any given situation. It is appreciated. Hope you stick around on the forum so as to help others with all you learn!
(1)
Report
See 1 more reply
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter