I mean just stop and say no, I'm not doing it anymore. The siblings do not help at all... nothing! Should I quit and see if they take over? I know that is wrong but desperation is winning. They don't make visits or help with medication, appointments, food shopping, cooking, bathing, cleaning... NOTHING! What would happen if I just stopped, told them I'm not going back? Is that against the law in any manner? Your thoughts are welcome.
k###s m& a## m(&*$%f&&&er#
bring a winter coat-----
My hope is that you folks with long time experience can give me some advice. I am only 4-5 months into this degree of caregiving and it is much harder than ever expected. One person cannot do it all-- not me anyway-- without falling into depression. I'm now trying to manage three different households-- my own, mom's and my aunt's. This is driving me cuckoo which led me to the thought of running away also and see where the chips fall. The more I type the more I feel shallow and weak. This is not fair to my elderly mom and aunt who have been and are lovely but things are changing rapidly. I cannot get sibs to understand that mental and emotional capabilities change and we can't be hurt, we have to help. They don't care because it is interrupting their fun and stable lives. Good grief do I have to beg and remind and push them to send their share of agreed upon funds?
So many caregivers are really angels. I commend you all because I'm new to this and it is difficult already. God bless.
I think, in some situations, NOTHING makes siblings step up if they don't want to. See if you can get help for these folks from your local Dept of Aging resources. Then there will be less work all around? And maybe siblings will stop being afraid that if they start to help they'll end up like you, in your situation? :)
Now that I've said all that, I'll tell you that I declared "I quit" to my sibling (only other one that cares, older bro) recently, and it would seem he's sort of listening. He's taken my dad and has kept him for a few weeks now, giving me a break. So… maybe if you say that you quit, you get respite, at least. :)
At least if you quit either they help out or not then you will know where you stand with them and if you decide to take this journey on your own at least you are doing the right thing and they are nothing but selfish pigs.
Have you considered AL if you cant cope then a home is the only solution i just cant think of any solutions to my problems now or later than mum goes into a home I cannot do this alone its just not fair. she brought us all up and did her best for us with little money and now noone wants to look after her when she needs us?
I hate them and will find it hard to forgive them when mum dies theyve no idea how hard this is.
Yep if i were you id quit even for awhile and see what happens?
Good Luck and take care of you!
Expecting others to do as much as you do may seem fair, and I once felt that way, but I see the other side of the coin. Let me draw an analogy. Two siblings earn the same income, the first has strong beliefs and donates 50% to charity! the second does not and chooses to invest in luxuries and retirement. Does the first sibling have the right to demand the second contribute more?
Your siblings are unfair, and no doubt you are doing the morally superior thing, however, I do not think it is a battle you can win if you define victory as changing someone else's behavior. Define victory as changing the situation instead.
"Quiting" will only lower you to their standard.
if possible, care for one elder, when she passes do your best with the other one. im living it and feel pretty good about myself.
they may play hero for a while but this gig is about endurance. its pretty complicated and ever regressing and most people just dont have it in them. finances and availability are the problem for many but crappy priorities for many more. my sis and niece were PAID for helping and couldnt hang. frankly they didnt have the skill required , in hindsight.
im getting pizzed in remembering them showing up at 11;00 am on monday mornings to relieve me for work. on what planet does one show up for work just whenever they by god get there?
I don't think that you quitting is going to change their behavior.
The one who has POA is responsible for handling the finances, but not required to take care of your mother. Read the POA document before talking to him, so you'll be in a better place to understand what he's agreed to.
I don't think quitting will change you siblings' behavior. But I think you should quit. Not suddenly, with no ongoing plan in place. That would not be fair to your mother and your aunt. They deserve reliable care. You deserve your own life.
Maybe these two elderly sisters could get by with more in-home care. Maybe the best solution would be to move to a care center. There are a lot of decisions to be made, a lot of applications to be filled out, a lot of paperwork and running around to do. This isn't going to happen in the next two weeks!
Explain to your family that you cannot continue doing the hands-on caregiving. You are going to be investigating other options for these ladies. You would like their help with that, and with keeping things going until a new plan can be put in place. Maybe the view that this is now temporary will inspire them to pitch in again. Maybe not. But move forward with or without them.
The POA can/should get involved in the financial end of things. He can collect all the financial history needed to apply for Medicaid, for example.
Once their day-to-day needs are being met in other ways, you can go back to being the loving daughter and niece, without being the hands-on caregiver. Your siblings will all have that option, too.
I will be forever grateful to my sibling who not only stood by me but also along side our father.
Whether it's legal or it? Overall, I don't think any of us are born with a legal responsibility to our parents, but if you have POA or something like that, you might. If you have some legal stuff going on like POA, I'd ask a lawyer before doing anything.
Based on many families, though, when one person does it all, the others don't feel the pressure to take over. They know they could do it "tomorrow" and they just never get around to it, and in some families, they don't even feel they need to do anything, at all -- there is no way to motivate some people.