Hi guys. I'm back again to tell all how things went with BIL. Had a conversation with him to respect my wishes to only contact DH on cell, so my landline would not get tied up. Okay. Thought that went well. A couple of days after that out of the blue without notice, his granddaughter was visiting from Israel and wanted to stop by. I wasn't thrilled because I was not prepared. So she came and stayed for 4 hours and also Skyped with the rest of the family so my DH can see and speak to them, mind you this was his daughter and the rest of the grandchildren. For 4 hours I sat there and listened to him repeat the same stories over and over again.
By the time she left my head was pounding with a headache. He didn't know who he had spoken to and had no idea who he just saw. Very, very sad.
Back to BIL, he didn't pay any attention to our conversation and went back to calling my landline.
I did have my DH call him back on his cell. So this time around I blocked him from calling the landline.
I literally think I had a small nervous breakdown this week it was too much. I decided I'm taking a break from speaking to anyone and also it will keep my home calm for a while. Would love your input. Thanks.
You need to consult an Elder Law attorney in your state.
Applying for LTC Medicaid as a married couple is not a do it yourself project, and the details vary widely from State to State.
If only one of you needs to go into care, most states will allow the Community Spouse to preserve their own assets.
Good for you for blocking BIL. If people can't respect your wishes, then they get what they get.
Good to take a break and have a calm(er) home.
You know, you are now the boss. You can welcome who you want in your home and who u don't want. The BIL would not step over my threshold. Why did u not leave the room why the granddaughter was there. I would have said "I will leave u two alone to visit but will be in the next room if u need me".
I think you are just burnt out. Its time to place him. See that elder lawyer.
I had an issue something like this in the past, I was taking care of a relative who had a stroke. He was drooling out the side of his mouth and peeing on a pad in the bed when he went to rehab afterward. He had to work hard all day at regaining function, and his adult kids ages 29, 32 and 35 kept calling and putting their toddlers who couldn't talk on the phone, they'd just scream toddler stuff. These adult kids, keep in mind, had never invited him to their homes for so much as a cup of coffee since they got out of college (which he totally paid for) even though he passed through their town at least once a year. (They did, however, manage to show up for weeks at his home twice a year for vacation because the booze was free - they were big drinkers - and he had a swimming pool and a boat.)
The patient was exhausted in rehab and didn't want to see them, and he didn't want to talk to them when he was so tired. He couldn't talk too well anyway. He asked them not to call so often, but they all wanted to visit, stay at his house, be with Dad (maybe get their fingers into his wallet, since possibly he was going to die).
He and I asked them not to call and he told them not to show up. Doctor, knowing this, said they weren't welcome at the rehab. I wrote an email newsletter to them and their spouses every day telling them the great progress Dad had made, etc. etc. Not one ever thanked me, but it might have kept them 800 miles away for which dad was grateful.
You could try the newsletter, but don't expect it to work and don't expect anyone to thank you for the info. Just an idea.
I really think you should place DH now. Let the facility deal with these idiots.