My mom has lived with me for four months and can't stay because of her COPD. We live in a high-altitude area and she has to be on oxygen 24/7 here. She can't stand it anymore and is going back to live with my sister in NY. So many emotions going thru me right now. I feel guilty because she can't stay here. I feel relief because I will have my life back. I feel bad for my sister who will be tied down, again. My mom lived with her for a year when she had her stroke. It was bad. My sister almost lost it. She would ask for help and now I know we need to give it to her. You don't know what it's like until you live it. I feel like I am deserting my mom. How to turn off all these emotions????? :(
But even though you logically have nothing to feel guilty about, guilt is kind of the default background feeling for caregivers. I don't think there is an Off button, but you can try to turn the volume down and continue with what you've got to do.
Are there any other options for Mom besides living with one of you? Could she function on her own in Assissted Living, perhaps? What kind of help does she need?
I'm sure you'll do what you can to help your sister, now that you understand the needs of caregivers.