Dad has dementia. Mom is an alcoholic. My mother was unable to care for him and was becoming verbally abusive toward him. I had to move my dad into memory care early last year. Mom continues to drink and is very nasty and bitter. I can barely be around her for more than about 15 minutes. She seems to want everyone around her to be miserable as well. I no longer view her as my mother, she is just a nasty old woman that I am now responsible for. The thought of "mother's day" makes me a little ill at this point. Anybody else have such a lovely family dynamic?? How do you handle mother's day? I don't have children, so mother's day in that regard is not part of my deal. I am an only child and my parents have alienated all other family members and friends. It's just us and my poor husband.
Nothing I do will make her less unhappy so on Saturday, I'll take her for a little ride in the country (so I don't have to risk multiple transfers), get her a sandwich to eat in the car and some flowers for her room. I'll spend Sunday in the garden and the kids will probably pop in. Their gifts or cards are sweet and appreciated, but I don't need a Hallmark day to know they love me.
Luckily she lives several hours away. Once my son was born - i gently told her that there would be some mother's days where she would get a call. [yes flowers, and cards, but i grit teeth and send them] World War 3 ensues every year that we don't make the trip. But this year - my DH, DS, and I are playing golf and having a casual lunch at the golf course. I enjoy my guys, enjoy being outside playing golf, and will not this year be gritting teeth and counting minutes until the fiasco of mothers day lunch is over.
Happy Real Mothers Day!
CarlaCB you are so right :( The usual mother's day for me the past few years is gritting my teeth to make the day happen (holding my breath all day) and then going on Facebook and seeing my friends posing with their pretty and well-dressed moms, out somewhere nice for dinner. My mom looks like a bag lady most of the time and sports a scowl 24/7.
There is nothing that says, if you don’t have that daughterly feeling toward your mother, there’s nothing worse than trying to “fake it” one day a year. Chances are Mom doesn’t realize it’s Mother’s Day anyway. It’s just another Sunday.
Just an aside here and you didn’t ask, but have you given any thoughts to a psych evaluation for Mom? You sound like you are very burned out and need a break. It sounds like Mom is having a toxic and detrimental effect on you and hubby. Any chances that Mom could be placed in a facility as well? She’ll probably fight it like a wildcat, but there comes a time when we have to look out for ourselves.