To those who now my story. Mom's back is bad. Yesterday I didn't go, my sister was supposed to. I guess mom told her not to. She doesn't want to keep bothering people.
Last night, older brother said she was in a lot of pain. He asked if I was going today. Come to find out her internet went out, and it upset her. I'm sure she was in a panic and was reaching for wires and buttons. I called mom and she said don't bother, she is tired of bothering people.
I think POA brother is going tonight, but not positive. I want the house to be a mess and her in pain when he gets there.
I think I'm not going. Something has to give here, she has been in pain for about a month now.
Now I’m going to tell you our experience, not saying it’s the same problem but just be wary. My mom had many medical issues that certainly came into play here but she was in so much pain, described as back pain when she could pinpoint it, she hadn’t been able to sleep for weeks. She couldn’t lay down and the only thing that made it a little better seemed to be walking around. Took her to the doctor they did X-rays and ordered a scan to rule out various things. She was in so much pain she ended up in the ER to get the scan quicker. She had stage 3/4 kidney disease already and my brother who took her to the ER told them that as well as answering yes on the forms. They did the scan and sent them home. The doctor had put her on some pain medicine which seemed to help some and after the doctor appointment. She ended up in kidney failure because they die destroyed the tubes that flow in and out, something that happens rarely they say. Back to ER and a 2 week hospital stay. This is one of the few things in the body that can regenerate and so they did but 2 weeks in the hospital caused more issues. This was last Aug and that was really the beginning of the end. However the pain went away while she was in the hospital and when we came home at least that was better. They took her off allot of stuff in the hospital and told us to start them again when she got home. In a few days the pain started to come back…it was the iron supplement she had been on, she didn’t get it in the hospital but a few days of being back on it, pain and constipation. We never put her back on it and her levels (bloodwork tested often) was always good.
Think about simple stuff first, has your mom been moving her bowels? Has she seen a doctor for this pain?
Got quite a bit better, about a month ago it started again. Went to her GP, they said there is nothing more they can do , if the pain gets worse she is suppose to go to ER. They sent her to pain management.
They are suppose to do an MRI, but no word. Yet, and possibly cortisone shots.
Doctors appointment now I have to get a wheelchair to get her in.
After the first diagnosis in January, I tried to talk to POA bro. Explain to him that the pain is effecting her dementia, and it's just going to get worse. Tried to get him to pay me though Medicaid, so I could go more, he said NO. And that she will be fine.
Then happens again. I go in morning get her set for the day, old bro goes at night. POA bro is out doing his own thing. Weekend in Maine for one.
I think that about covers it all.
That’s a tough lesson for a fixer . Not everything had to be decided in a split second while on the phone, or had to be addressed right away .
It saved me from wasted trips to my parents house .
It's the hardest dam thing I've ever done!!
But I know in my heart it's right.
Just this morning it didn't feel all that good.
Thanks!
You know Mom can’t live alone anymore .
If she changes her mind she’ll let you know . My Mom did this when she got worse too. She doesn’t want people to see she can’t function at home . You can call to check on her later or tonight and ask what she wants tomorrow .
Let her refuse to have you and sister help , to move POA brother in the direction of placement. Don’t let brother put blame on you. Mom is refusing help .
This could be a gift, don’t spoil it . It could be a more civil way to get Mom placed than you having to be the one to say you aren’t propping this up anymore .