My mother had been a resident in assisted living for just over a year. They were in the process of moving her into a new apartment within the same building, but it was taking longer than expected to finish it. As a result, her annual contract expired. I was told not to worry about her signing a new contract until she moved into the new apartment in a few weeks. Unfortunately, in the meantime, she became sick, went into hospice, and passed away on January 25, 2025. January had already been paid in full.
I was working with a wonderful lady who handles leasing at the assisted living facility, and she knew my mom well. She reassured me not to rush in moving my mom's belongings out. I mentioned I was worried about being charged for February, but she told me, "Oh no, we don't do that to people. Just take your time."
When we went in to move her things out the following weekend, we also wanted to donate some of my mom's items—her electric reclining chair, wheelchair, walker, and Halo bedrail—to the facility so they could be used by other residents. They were thrilled with the offer and even said they would accept any other furniture or decorative items for future use in furnished apartments. I didn't have the keys with me that day, and the lady told me, "It's okay, take your time."
I went back the next weekend, but the lady I had been working with wasn’t there. She had previously asked for pictures of my mother, so I returned a few days later on February 11th to drop off the keys and the pictures.
Now, I'm receiving an email from the business office saying that my mom’s account owes $1,700, charging through February 11th. They want to keep the $1,000 security deposit and claim I still owe over $600.
Looking back, I realize I shouldn’t have trusted what I was told, and I should have given them the keys immediately. I feel misled, especially since my mom was already out of contract and no new contract was signed. And I was told multiple times by this woman not to worry, to take my time.
My mom and I have always been people who paid our bills, so I’m tempted to just pay the balance. But at the same time, I feel like I was taken advantage of, especially considering the donation of expensive equipment that I now regret.
I would appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation ethically.
I would just LOVE an update from her.
I would love to know the steps she's taken, and whether or not they work.
It's so valuable when OPs come back to us with what helped; it's how we learn what to suggest to others!
The staff told the family the same thing "take your time, no worries, there's still 3 weeks left".
I guess we were all too world weary to believe them, so we cleaned out her apartment before the funeral even happened. Gave the recliner and sofa and TV to the facility. She never even showered in this place!
They were still billed $10K for the following month, even though they had every single thing she owned removed and cleaned the apartment. My son is an attorney and one call from him had them scrambling to amend the paperwork that stated she somehow 'owed' them all that. They did get back about $15K and were not happy with that, but accepted it and moved on.
So, the facility got the $10 'sign up' fee, the $12K rate for 8 DAYS and the apartment was rented 3 days after MIL's stuff was gone. Less than 2 weeks.
You can't let them get away with the shakedown like that. Usually they think the threat of taking it to court will be enough to get families to pay up because they're afraid.
Everyone should let these places take it into court just like the nursing home did with me. I paid them only what they were owed and not a damn cent more. The judge saw this too when the records I kept were reviewed by the court.
If this can't be rectified with the administrator / finance office director, contact an attorney. Donating all those items is very separate from move-in / lease agreement. It is easy when looking back ... it isn't so easy when in the thick of things. If I were you, I would talk to the administrator of the facility, first.
Get everything in writing.
Always get documentation.
Track all interactions.
Gena / Touch Matters
You could simply say, "no" and not pay any remaining balance. Let them try and get the balance from the dead woman's estate. You might be pressured and harassed in the mean time.
Yes, you were misled. And it is upsetting, after you trust one person's words, to find the situation has now changed. This is causing you bad feelings. The longer you think about it, you are holding on to those negative emotions.
If it was me, I would just pay the remaining balance. Just to put it behind me. Move on. Let go.
The stuff that you "donated", what else would you have done with it? You would have had to move it, store it, maybe try and sell it - many online sites don't allow for sales of medical equipment, or hauled it to another donation site.
It's over. Your mother's life has come to an end, and yours is moving forward.
"I was working with a wonderful lady who handles leasing at the assisted living facility, and she knew my mom well. She reassured me not to rush in moving my mom's belongings out. I mentioned I was worried about being charged for February, but she told me, "Oh no, we don't do that to people.
Just take your time."
Take your time with what??
When were the keys returned to the facility's office after all your late mother's items were cleared out of the room?
Did you speak with the director of that facility? Any agreement in writing with facility forms and documents?
If you ask to see the damages for why they want to keep the security deposit, they will give you the famous runaround that they already fixed it.
I'm not sure if the housing authority. handles AL business and you should check on that. Or you can sue for what you're owed in small claims court. Talk to the state's Ombudsman too and let that office know what happened.
Do you have reciepts or some other kind of proof-of-purchase for the items you 'donated'? If so then you put that into your claim that their refusal to return these items to you. Then file a police report for theft.
Now all of this may make me sound like a snake in the grass, but I'm not. I've dealt with more than a few shifty landlords in my time and more LTC staff that I ever cared to. I know how these people operate. You have to get everything in writing with them. They will be super nice and you fell for it. It's not your fault. So now you have to be just as sneaky and you're justified.
Pay them nothing and take them into small claims court or make a claim with the housing authority in the area. The worst that can happen is they keep the money. Don't pay them anything though.
While she may have been taken advantage of, what you are suggesting is putting a lot of energy into continuing this negative karma, just to get even.
She did, in fact, have the apartment "occupied" with belongings, and the balance they are asking for is not outrageous. I would pay it and move on. No more wasting time on the negative.
If you are the Executor/Personal Rep then maybe consult with an elder law attorney to see if the facility can keep her deposite and/or if the estate needs to pay the remaining $600+ they are claiming, post-contract.
I am betting that the estate is responsible, since you had not actually turned the apartment back over. However, I would make them do the claim against the estate and not pay them until you absolutely have to to close probate. Make them earn it.
Like I said before, these workers are scum in money grabs and will answer for their bad character.
Thank you for sharing, yours is a cautionary tale for others facing this same situation.
My Mom passed on a Saturday. Sunday my daughter and I were in her NH room cleaning out. I was told any clothes left in the laundry would be placed in closet at the Nurses station. Never happened. I just hope someone in need got her clothes. Your Mom still had that room until end of January, everything should have been cleaned out ASAP.
As said, live and learn. We all have been there.
May The Lord give you grieving mercies, strength and comfort during this difficult time.
It is unfortunate that these facilities are so slimy and the people that get paid to represent them are such scum, they will eventually have to answer for the things they pull when people are vulnerable and hurting. Doesn't help now but, it helps me when I deal with the injustices that people perpetrate just because they can.
AL is probably looking at the following week this could have been done.
Someone working in an office can tell you not to worry about it and that is meaningless.
So in theory your mothers estate will owe the rent for the time until her belongings were moved out.
that is your mothers ESTATE...not you or any other member of the family.
so as your mom's Estate is settled and you pay bills in order this one may be last...if there is money then it gets paid, if not it doesn't
the fact that your mom did not have a contract/lease is probably a good thing since I presume that would mean she was on a "month to month" lease at that time. Good possibility if there had been a new lease they could make mom /the estate pay the rent until the apartment is leased by a new resident. (and they could delay that by leasing out all the other apartments they have empty first)
good point others have made..if mom signed the contract or if you signed the contract. How the signature was worded may make all the difference.
If your Mother signed the contract, then you don't owe anything. They can try to collect it from her estate.
If you signed the contract (and not as your Mom't PoA) then you'll have to go by what the most recent contract states.
The contracts we signed at two different facilities also had the 30 day rule , but when both LO’s died , one suddenly , and the other died within days of getting Covid , they only charged up until we cleaned out and handed in the keys .
They can not rent it out until then .
This has nothing to do with the donation . Apples and oranges .
That being said , was a new contract ever signed ? I don’t know if it would make a difference if it hadn’t been signed and you had no contract for that time period .
Do you have anything in writing?
I mean in all honesty this lady may have been a resident.
Things have to be done to protocol. This is handled with the administration of a facility. When my brother died I was in close contact with the business office at every step. This was the beginning of covid. There were even rules about the mover who came in to deal with things, about masking, and etc.
They were very kind, and once the room was CLEARED of his items (this is a MUST) I was no charged a penny for a day after that, though cleaning would have had to be extensive due to his sepsis and the covid times.
You need now to start to speak with those who are actually in charge. We as a forum of strangers can guess at stuff but that would be wrong. You need to speak now with those in charge.
It's a sad lesson I think to learn this the hard way.
This bill will come to your mother's estate now.
Pay it last. No hurry (if you are the executor). And if there's no money left in the estate to pay it, oh well. You can't get blood out of a turnip, nor cash out of someone with no estate left.
Thanks to everyone here that answered. Not only today, but every time I needed advice over the last 5 years of my mother's life. It's been a long journey and you all helped me so very much. Love and best wishes to you all.
However, if she lies, or if they say it doesn't matter what the leasing agent said to your face, tell them you will write up the sequence of events, like you did above, and post it on every review forum. People do read those; that's why facilities so eagerly ask for reviews. List them: Google, Yelp, A Place for Mom, Caring.com, facebook, etc.
Second, Live and Learn. I take it you didn't get the lady's name to give to the business office to let them know what she said (not that it would matter)?
This is a business, while your mom's stuff was still in the room, it was not available for anyone else.
Unfortunately, you may just have to pay what is left, unless the facility will do a kind gesture and forget it.
Of course they were happy you donated some of her things, this saves them some money since it's less stuff to buy.
True story, my late uncle lived in an apartment for any years, sadly he passed away there, even though he was a great tenant and paid his rent on time, they kept the security deposit to clean his room, and wanted his stuff out immediately, even going as so far to threaten to tow his car off their property if it was not dealt with.