I am POA for my parents, who live with me. Dad seems to be nearing the end. His mind is still fairly clear, and I consult with him regarding their finances even though I have POA. Mom has severe dementia and doesn't understand anything about finances anymore. I'm feeling a bit nervous about soon becoming the sole decision-maker. Any advice, things I should know?
Is your POA invoked for Mom? Is it immediate? Are you primary or secondary to Dad?
As POA, you now make all Moms decisions. Not what she wants so much biput what she needs. Are you going to physically care for her or place her. Having POA does not mean you physically must care for them. It means you use their finances to get them care. This could be placing them, or hiring aides. POA usually gives you the ability to sell the home. Giving you money to pay for care. It comes down to, your incharge.
A DNR should be in place for Mom. Also, your POA on file at the hospital she frequents and her doctors. I had mine shrunk down to 8x11 ( usually printed on 8x14 paper) so I could print copies and give everyone a copy. For hospitals and doctors the Medical is the most important. My Moms was actually a living will.
Make sure you do what's required to actually activate the authority (usually it's at least 1 formal medical diagnosis by a doctor that is in her records).
Review their Advanced Healthcare Directive to know what's in it -- in a crisis if they have to go to the ER or hospital you want to make sure you advocate for exactly what they wanted.
Have the documents on you if you go anywhere with them.
If you wind up in the ER or hospital with your LO, don't assume they've actually read the AHD even though seemingly 80 people will have asked to see your documents. I recently had to basically scream at the ER team to stop doing things to my 105-yr old Aunt when she was there for a massive stroke.
Do some research now regarding hospice: in-home hospice may take 2 days to set up. In-home hospice staff and volunteers are not caregivers so you will still be in that role. Facility hospitce will be different.