I hope I'm not the only one in this circumstance that has gone through this but yesterday my mother and I had an argument. She is in a ALF and is not too happy about that, but I don't feel she can safely be on her own, like she thinks. When her mean personality comes out, which is offen and only towards me, she like to threaten me about moving in with my older sister and her family. She is one of a kind all in herself and I feel could not handle our mom either. She tends to get way stressed out about little things and lets my mom be in charge. Anyway out of 4 other siblings I am the only one (I have POA) trying my best to make mom happy. I do everything and anything that I can. I'm not going to let my physical and mental health take a toll not to mentioned my marriage. She just doesn't understand my feelings, she is very selfish. She has this mean spirited way about herself towards other people when in public, sometimes I hate being with her in public, it can be embarassing. She has always been like that. I know she is my mom, but sometimes I really don't like her. Am I the only one in this circumstance that goes through this? I hope not. Am I a bad person? Instead of vising her today my husband and I will go on a hike, it helps clear my head. I would appreciate any feed back, whether good or bad. Help.
As TRO (The Responsible One of your siblings), you are taking on a huge long-term job. Preserving your own life and health and happiness is just as important as your mom's. Someday when all is said and done, you can look back and realize without a doubt that you are doing the best for everyone.
Keep up the great work!
There is one thing I think you are not being realistic about, though. You say "I am the only one trying my best to make mom happy." As you are probably discovering, you cannot make her happy if she opts not to be. And you are not responsible for her happiness. That is a hard reality to face. We tend to want to "make" our spouses happy, or to "make" our children happy, or to "make" our parents happy. But in reality all we can do is present opportunities for others to decide to be happy. If mom don't wanna be happy, ain't nothin you can do to "make" her. Sigh.
Keep on caring. Keep on being good to your mother, and yourself, and your husband. And take responsibility for your own happiness.
Good luck!
Are you the only one going through this? Oh absolutely not!!!! Are you a bad person? Again no, you are human. Nothing says you have to see your mother every day or every other day, see her when you feel that you can have a nice visit and won't be stressed out by her behavior. And if she starts to act out, get up, kiss her goodbye and tell her you will see her in a couple of days. You are not alone in this situation. If you would like, come over to The Caregiver....How are YOU thread......you will make a lot of friends who are in the same type of situation as you and you can have the freedom to talk about what is happening with yourself and mom.
Take care and Hugz to you,
Jam