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His night time vision issues might be related to cataracts. Have his vision evaluated. If his night vision is kaput, ask the eye doctor to break the news of "no night time driving."

Since he is mentally competent, he is responsible for his own actions, not you,
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I think that you need to get in the car during the day and not ask for anymore rides during darkness.

I would not jump to the conclusion that he is not safe during daylight, you must confirm this before you react. It is a big deal to leave someone without the ability to drive and you want to be 100% positive that it is really an issue.

I personally think that slower driving is not an issue unless they want to be out during rush hour, then they need to get over that and go about there business when traffic is not in a rush.

Best of luck, my dad scared the crap outta me but, his license was renewed after I sent a report to the DMV.
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Well, the scary ride wasn't just at night, was it - it was before dawn, i.e. in the wee small hours when most good citizens are sleeping. How much was awful driving, and how much was his being four fifths asleep, and anyway what were you both doing on the road at that hour?

But never mind. The thing is, DMV does issue licences and no doubt are the people to approach, but what are you expecting them to do with an anonymous report from a concerned citizen? If anyone could get anyone's licence suspended in that way, just imagine the mischief people at loggerheads could cause to one another.

He insists he's doing well and doesn't need help. He rejected your offer, indeed your booking, of driving services. So that leaves - just how specific and explicit with him have you been about what's wrong with the way he's driving?

Presumably it's a vision problem, which is no doubt why he's dodging his eye tests. He knows very well he can't see. He just doesn't want to know it *officially.*

Someone is going to have to tell him he is being an idiot. If it's cataracts, they can be dealt with and, God willing, all things being equal, he'll be back on the road safely before too long. It's a less treatable eye problem, then even if it's not curable his choice is between treatment to conserve his vision, the sooner the better, or blindness - and even he can't think he'll be driving if he's registered blind.

No more pussyfooting around his feelings. If you can't be blunt with him about the sheer stupidity of ignoring this problem, do you know someone who can?
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Reaannhlovethem May 2021
I wouldn’t call her Dad
stupid, he’s 90.
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This is a very serious situation because your dad could run a red light and kill somebody. Would you be able to live with yourself if that happened? First priority, stop him from driving, take away his keys or disconnect his battery if you need to. These things do not go away if you ignore them, they only get worse. If his mind is still good, he will likely figure out it was you anyhow so I wouldn't worry so hard about being anonymous, just sit down and have the conversation with him. Tell him you are concerned about his safety and the safety of others on the road when he is driving. It's time for your dad to give up his car and start accepting help from others, you might look into public transportation, maybe senior services even offer something. Friends could give him a ride, there are many possibilities out there. Please keep in mind, even if you do have his license revoked, that may not stop him from getting behind the wheel. My cousin was in an accident a while back, he was hit by someone with a suspended driver's license, no insurance and expired plates.

I should add, when my dad's license was about to expire, he went to the dmv and they renewed it even though both my mom and myself felt it wasn't safe for him to drive, so while you can and should report your dad to the dmv, please don't depend on them to revoke his license.
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Calgirl May 2021
Thanks for this, and also thanks to all. This guy has been a really tough one. His eye doctor doesn't want to be involved. He has no MD after his own doctor retired this January. Doesn't want a doctor I guess, just thinks his cardiologist will handle everything medical. He refuses to use the ride service I already paid for and even booked for him once. He canceled the eye appointment they were going to take him to. I went on a trip for 2 and a half weeks.... He refused a neighbor checking in on him. Saved his garbage up inside the house the entire time I was gone. Including used cat litter. Now refuses for me to even vacuum in there. I feel like I'm DONE, but here I still am.
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You are in the best position to prevent him from hurting or killing himself or (God forbid) someone else. Discretely arrange for others to offer to give him rides so that he eventually won't miss driving himself. Give the volunteer drivers GCs to his favorite restaurants so that they offer to also take him out for a bite. He stays off the road, a volunteer does an awesome thing and gets rewarded, you get peace of mind. This worked in my family.
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I believe it is any citizen's responsibility to report dangerous driving. After all it IS a matter of life and death.
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Your state DMV probably has a form that you can report anonomously. They will then request a reexam. Some states will allow him to drive but just during the daytime and within so many miles of home. Some states don't do a thing about an anonomous report but will follow up on a doctor reporting it. Some doctors in some states refuse to report it because they are worried they will be sued or something. You just have to try all angles: DMV and doctors until it gets at least partially resolved
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Seems like Dad can no longer drive at night. He needs to see his eye doctor.
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