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I moved into my mom’s house and my brother showed up with my mom and forced me to take care of her. After a few months I dropped her off at his house in the same way, driving away while she stood by the door. Can I be arrested for this?
Instead of tossing mom around like a hot potato don't you think it's time to come up with a more permanent solution that works for all of you? If you can't work together find someone to act as a mediator - a religious leader, family elder or a court associated mediator
Mom’s house should be sold to pay for consistent care for her in assisted living.
Be a grown up and find your own place to live. You live in HER house and then you removed her from her house and left her on a doorstep. I’m glad you aren’t my kid .
Sounds like your brother was burned out with caregiving and resentful that you were being a freeloader living in Mom’s house while your brother was the one helping Mom.
And your only concern with this is if you can be arrested . SMH
Why are you living in your Mom's house and she's not?
How long has your brother been taking care of your Mom? Maybe he's burned out? This is a pretty common problem for caregivers.
How old is your Mom? What are her physical and cognitive issues that she needs 24/7 care?
Has anyone considered talking to a social worker for her county to see what other options may be available for her?
Does she have an assigned PoA? Or legal guardian? Who is managing her finances all this time? Caregiving is mostly about problem-solving. You both need to work together to solve your Mom's ongoing care needs. Or is it about inheriting the house?
I feel sorry for your Mom... if she has dementia or short-term memory loss I would not just drop her off without making sure someone was home to receive her inside.
Call a lawyer instead of asking a bunch of caregivers on a forum if you can be arrested! You're living in your mother's home now after dumping her off at your brothers house! My condolences to your mother for having 2 children playing hot potato with her, and one squatting in her home! 😑
Slumber the best thing for you to of done would of been for you to leave Mom's house, then call adult social services.
I think you and your brother should sell the house, put mom in a facility. Some place where she is taken care of . I would do it ASAP, before authorities get involved, so it looks like someone is caring for your poor mom.
Yes I'm sure it's a lot taking care of mom for both of you, but this is wrong to do to her.
This is wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin.
This is no way to treat a fellow human being, regardless of their relation to you.
You and your brother need to seriously grow up.
I surely hope for both of your sakes, neither of you have children that are being shown that this is an acceptable way to handle caregiving problems. Dumping off an elderly person like a bag of garbage at someone's front door. That's despicable.
Who's gonna come back and check the replies anyway?
Not sure dropping your mom off at each other's house can get you arrested.
Agree with cwillie. What's your mom saying all this time? doesn't she voice her opinions? Is she going along with both of you.
I know I wouldn't want a sons like the both of you, does either of you actually care about her really, or just a battle of egos.
I've been and still am going through this sibling rivalry. So know about responsibility, in my case I care about my mom enough to help, but still think the rest of siblings haven't done their part over the years. They are living out their lives for the last 20+ years as normal, while mine has been on hold. So usually there's one sibling that cares enough to help. In your case it sounds like neither of you want to help with your mom, so as cwillie said a mediator is needed.
This is not unusual in some situations especially with family members who don't take proper measures to help their loved ones and act hastily.
Welcome to the AC forum. Please stick around and look through the list of resources that can help you. Get in contact with the Department of Aging and explain the situation. You must earn an income to keep yourself afloat if you are not retirement age. Tell them that you cannot take care of mom and that you must work to pay the bills! Can you move out and call APS and report a vulnerable adult?
I don't know the arrangements you made with your brother, but it doesn't seem to be working at this point. Your mother's safety is at risk when both of you pull this dumping act. This is abandonment and yes you can be held responsible leaving your mother on someone's doorstep not knowing they are home or not.
What did your mother ever do to you to treat her this way. If she has dementia, how would you feel if she wandered off somewhere and got hot by a car? What would either of your excuses be? You brother will probably lie on you to save his own a$$.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Be a grown up and find your own place to live. You live in HER house and then you removed her from her house and left her
on a doorstep. I’m glad you aren’t my kid .
Sounds like your brother was burned out with caregiving and resentful that you were being a freeloader living in Mom’s house while your brother was the one helping Mom.
And your only concern with this is if you can be arrested . SMH
How long has your brother been taking care of your Mom? Maybe he's burned out? This is a pretty common problem for caregivers.
How old is your Mom? What are her physical and cognitive issues that she needs 24/7 care?
Has anyone considered talking to a social worker for her county to see what other options may be available for her?
Does she have an assigned PoA? Or legal guardian? Who is managing her finances all this time? Caregiving is mostly about problem-solving. You both need to work together to solve your Mom's ongoing care needs. Or is it about inheriting the house?
I feel sorry for your Mom... if she has dementia or short-term memory loss I would not just drop her off without making sure someone was home to receive her inside.
I think you and your brother should sell the house, put mom in a facility.
Some place where she is taken care of . I would do it ASAP, before authorities get involved, so it looks like someone is caring for your poor mom.
Yes I'm sure it's a lot taking care of mom for both of you, but this is wrong to do to her.
This is no way to treat a fellow human being, regardless of their relation to you.
You and your brother need to seriously grow up.
I surely hope for both of your sakes, neither of you have children that are being shown that this is an acceptable way to handle caregiving problems. Dumping off an elderly person like a bag of garbage at someone's front door. That's despicable.
And I truly hope this is a fake post.
When you need a break, you arrange for responsible caregiving. You don't pull a "dump and run" on someone's front porch!
If this poster had done this to a dog, people would be screaming "off with his head!".
Not sure dropping your mom off at each other's house can get you arrested.
Agree with cwillie. What's your mom saying all this time? doesn't she voice her opinions? Is she going along with both of you.
I know I wouldn't want a sons like the both of you, does either of you actually care about her really, or just a battle of egos.
I've been and still am going through this sibling rivalry. So know about responsibility, in my case I care about my mom enough to help, but still think the rest of siblings haven't done their part over the years. They are living out their lives for the last 20+ years as normal, while mine has been on hold. So usually there's one sibling that cares enough to help. In your case it sounds like neither of you want to help with your mom, so as cwillie said a mediator is needed.
Welcome to the AC forum. Please stick around and look through the list of resources that can help you. Get in contact with the Department of Aging and explain the situation. You must earn an income to keep yourself afloat if you are not retirement age. Tell them that you cannot take care of mom and that you must work to pay the bills! Can you move out and call APS and report a vulnerable adult?
I don't know the arrangements you made with your brother, but it doesn't seem to be working at this point. Your mother's safety is at risk when both of you pull this dumping act. This is abandonment and yes you can be held responsible leaving your mother on someone's doorstep not knowing they are home or not.
What did your mother ever do to you to treat her this way. If she has dementia, how would you feel if she wandered off somewhere and got hot by a car? What would either of your excuses be? You brother will probably lie on you to save his own a$$.
Don't encourage this person who basically abandoned their own mother then took over her house.