If the time comes, and it will eventually come, some decisions will have to be made regarding mom and the moderate/severe dementia stage she is in. The paranoia and everyday afternoon hallucinations are still out of whack! The antipsychotics that she is on definitely mellow her out but the hallucinations and paranoia still rage on. If 88-year-old mom doesn't want to go into a memory care home situation, and I am her dual POA with letter of incompetence/dementia from her doctor, can I put her in a memory care facility against her will? Do memory care facilities know how to handle this situation? I do not wish to do the dump and run ER thing. I'd like to handle this situation with some sort of dignity intact, but at the same time I don't want to totally lose my mind. Thinking hard on what avenues to take for the future since this situation is only going to get worse.
While at this point, and going forward, the plan is to keep her at home with the kids giving care--I'm seeing some fissures in the plan. It may become necessary for DH to stand up and be a big boy and have his mom placed.
She lives alone and is by no means 'independent'.
So--the 2 kids who do NOT have POA can't stop this, should it come to this? Dh does not understand his rights/responsibility as POA, he defers to YS on everything and she is making some really big mistakes.
IF you were to have any problem it would be short work, often a call from a social worker to a judge to get temporary (later permanent) guardianship or conservatorship. This is why the easiest and best placements are often done FROM hospital (the dread ER dump) to nursing facility.
If you have questions about your powers under POA see either the attorney who drew up the document or any good elder law attorney; the POA pays for this expert guidance and help.
Wishing you good luck; hoping you will update us. Begin collecting the assets together for care, and exploring options for care.
Seems to me the med she is on is not working. You need to talk to her doctor about still having the hallucinations and paranoia.
With PoA you don't have to do the "ER dump", but if/when things get bad enough and you wish to transition her, then she can go directly from the ER/hospital to the chosen facility.
The piece you need to have in place is whether she can pay for MC privately. In most states, Medicaid only pays for LTC, which is medically assessed as necessary by a doctor, and then she'll need to qualify financially as well (and the facility has to accept Medicaid residents). Most states Medicaid financial app has a 5-year "look back" period, so you need to make sure you are managing her finances properly so that she doesn't get delayed or disqualified. If you aren't certain, consult a certified elder law or estate planning attorney and/or a Medicaid Planner for her state.
In the meantime you can privately hire aids to come give you some relief so that you don't burn out in the meantime. Do not pay for any of her care out of your own pocket -- this wouldn't be sustainable and would rob you of your own care options in the future. I wish you all the best on this journey!
Both facilities understood and everything went smoothly.