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If the time comes, and it will eventually come, some decisions will have to be made regarding mom and the moderate/severe dementia stage she is in. The paranoia and everyday afternoon hallucinations are still out of whack! The antipsychotics that she is on definitely mellow her out but the hallucinations and paranoia still rage on. If 88-year-old mom doesn't want to go into a memory care home situation, and I am her dual POA with letter of incompetence/dementia from her doctor, can I put her in a memory care facility against her will? Do memory care facilities know how to handle this situation? I do not wish to do the dump and run ER thing. I'd like to handle this situation with some sort of dignity intact, but at the same time I don't want to totally lose my mind. Thinking hard on what avenues to take for the future since this situation is only going to get worse.

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It depends on your POA document. My mother's gave me the power to make decisions for her. My POA restricts my designate to implementing my decisions: they have to get a guardianship to "force" anything I do not choose.
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My Dh has POA for his mom and this is good news to me.

While at this point, and going forward, the plan is to keep her at home with the kids giving care--I'm seeing some fissures in the plan. It may become necessary for DH to stand up and be a big boy and have his mom placed.

She lives alone and is by no means 'independent'.

So--the 2 kids who do NOT have POA can't stop this, should it come to this? Dh does not understand his rights/responsibility as POA, he defers to YS on everything and she is making some really big mistakes.
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A good POA document will enumerate your powers one by one, in fact often numbered. So read your (hopefully attorney written) POA document. Normally, with a good document the answer is absolutely and completely YES. You are responsible for all financial management and record keeping and for placement as you feel best, especially with the letters as written.
IF you were to have any problem it would be short work, often a call from a social worker to a judge to get temporary (later permanent) guardianship or conservatorship. This is why the easiest and best placements are often done FROM hospital (the dread ER dump) to nursing facility.
If you have questions about your powers under POA see either the attorney who drew up the document or any good elder law attorney; the POA pays for this expert guidance and help.

Wishing you good luck; hoping you will update us. Begin collecting the assets together for care, and exploring options for care.
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Yes, you can place her. She can no longer make informed decisions concerning her care. I would not tell her that she is going into memory care. I did not tell my Mom until we got there. We told her she was going to an apt of her own and would be making new friends. Did this for the AL and the LTC facility later.

Seems to me the med she is on is not working. You need to talk to her doctor about still having the hallucinations and paranoia.
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What you do is you talk to the admins at the chosen facility and they will help you carry out your Mom's move-in as seemlessly as possible, if possible. They've seen it all and can give you valuable suggestions.

With PoA you don't have to do the "ER dump", but if/when things get bad enough and you wish to transition her, then she can go directly from the ER/hospital to the chosen facility.

The piece you need to have in place is whether she can pay for MC privately. In most states, Medicaid only pays for LTC, which is medically assessed as necessary by a doctor, and then she'll need to qualify financially as well (and the facility has to accept Medicaid residents). Most states Medicaid financial app has a 5-year "look back" period, so you need to make sure you are managing her finances properly so that she doesn't get delayed or disqualified. If you aren't certain, consult a certified elder law or estate planning attorney and/or a Medicaid Planner for her state.

In the meantime you can privately hire aids to come give you some relief so that you don't burn out in the meantime. Do not pay for any of her care out of your own pocket -- this wouldn't be sustainable and would rob you of your own care options in the future. I wish you all the best on this journey!
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Tiredniece23 Nov 9, 2023
This must vary by state, the ER dump, because God knows I tried this with my aunt. She refused to go and ne looked at. ER told me she looked fine. (She doesn't. She's skin and bones( and they told me they cannot take her anywhere against her wishes. I was told to do this, but they were of no help.
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Yes, you can and most likely should start your research now. My brother and I toured 15 homes before selecting the one(s) for my mother and stepmother, one for AL the other for MC.

Both facilities understood and everything went smoothly.
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