Two years ago I was in group therapy to help with my depression and other problems, one time I had a relapse and my therapist told my parents about it. When I got home my mom was upset with me, like an ‘I’m angry upset’ kind of way yk? we were talking about what happened and why it lead to this happening, and at one point I had gotten more upset because I felt like every time I tried to explain my feelings or my situation my mom would always add her input or compare what she went through to my situation. ( i realized like a while ago that shouldn’t be upset about these things. I’m talking about past me) I got really really upset because past me thought I couldn’t just vent or talk about anything about my feelings without being interrupted or feeling like I couldn’t talk without my feelings being compared to. So my natural reaction at that time was to get angry and yell, as I had these feelings pent up for a while, the next thing I knew my dad was yelling at me to not to talk to my mom like that and that I should calm down. Later after all that during one of my family checks with my therapist and my mom she mentioned how I had yelled at her like a monster, after that my brain stopped processing anything else. From then on when ever I got upset or angry and Im about to yell I remembering how my mom called me a monster because I yelled at her. and every time I get upset with someone and I feel like yelling at them I keep having thoughts that keep saying that I’m a monster for how I am acting or for how I’m feeling. And the memories of my mom saying that to my therapist would appear and won’t go away. So I guess what I’m trying to ask is why does this keeping happening? Is this a normal thing that happens and Am I a monster?
Get yourself a private therapist and keep your parents out of your personal sessions.
Best of luck learning to love yourself.
Also, are your parents elderly? Are you their caregiver? Not sure this is a caregiving issue (which is the focus of this forum) or why you're posting here.
Here's some free (and freeing) advice for you: stop caring so much about what other people think about you.