My mother in law is incintinet. She has pee pots all over the house that she pees in and then empties them in the toilet. But since it often just dribbles out without warning, she misses and gets the carpet wet a lot. She's alsovery messy and lazy though physically and mentally able to clean up after herself for the most part beyond heavy lifting. (She only has some heart issues for which she has a clean bill of health from the cardiologist.) She just doesn't. She throws garbage on the floor while watching TV, leaves food out, has mail all over every surface so I can't clean it properly because she wants her papers left uintouched.
I vacuum, but due to crazy work schedule, cooking, cleaning, laundry for our apartment and her house I just can't find the time to carpet clean often with a carpet machine all that often. And even my best efforts leave a lingering stale smell.
I also end up washing towels literally soaked and dripping with urine, which I am concerned might be contaminating my wash loads. Anyway recently my boss called me in and said I have such a bad odor, something between a senior home and a dead animal was how it was described. She said it's strong enough that people in other aisles are complaining and I fear it will affect my job. My assistant is also telling me my odor is really horrible.
I'm a very clean person and have been in the workforce many, many years without ever hearing this complaint. I don't smell anything at all! I have no idea where it is coming from, if it's in my clothes wash or I am tracking it up into our apartment on my shoes. I can't tell anything is amiss but I continue to hear it at work. I have been told I need to remedy this problem immediately. I'm really upset about this as I have enough stress!
So my questiion is, have any of you had the same issue? What do you think is the worst cause of the odor, the wash, maybe I should wear different shoes down there? Or is that smell just permanently permeating everything? I'm scared they're going to send me home at my job. Any advice is great. I'm ready to look into moving out I am so stressed. Thanks in advance.
You mention "our apartment" and "her house"...are you actually taking care of her in her house, or is she living with you in your apartment?
If she's living in her own house, I would stop cleaning and picking up immediately and hire a cleaning service from her funds. And do a thorough cleaning of all the carpets as well as laundry at your apartment. The smells are probably being tracked into the carpet and lingering.
Although it may seem cruel, if you are living together, I would consider moving MIL to someplace other than your apartment. You need to work, and need also need the rest at home as opposed to picking up after her.
From what you write, it's not just the odors, it's the slovenliness and apparent refusal to participate in her own upkeep. Has she always been like this?
How much urine can the woman produce that you are washing towels "literally soaked"? I assume this is probably from spilling the potties? I would not want to wash that with any of my own clothes, heck, I'm not sure I would even want that in my washer. At the very least pre soak the items in a bucket with borax as we used to do for washable diapers, and pour the dirty water down the toilet if you haven't got a laundry tub. You might want to use a washing machine cleaner on your washer to ensure it is completely clean.
Urinating everywhere without regard for cleanliness, her apathy and overall slovenliness are not normal behavior. Has she perhaps got dementia or mental health issues?
A few years ago she had both a boiler man and a Verizon guy walk out on her before we were living there because it smelled. So I am scared I will not be able to get someone to actually do the job. Plus we're pvery strapped handling our affairs and hers.
Just last week I bought small garbage cans which I slapped down in every room and told her, and my hubby, that there will be NO MORE leaving garbage all over. NOw if I could only get them to put their plates in the sink...
He is very overweight, diabetic, and with back problems. So I get little help with hard cleaning, though he does cook and do dishes and drives me around since I am legally blind. (And working too! Was proud of myself. Now I don't even have that sense of professional pride anymore. )
I am going to vacuum everything again tonight, all rooms upstaird and down. That alone takes me hours because I have to pick up all the debris on the carpet before, and being nearsighted that means crawling over every inch of that carpet before even starting. I just don't have time for carpet cleaning! *sigh* I am overwhelmed and stressed sometimes. Sorry to rant.
Besides pouring huge sums of money into services, or quitting my job to stay home all day carpet cleaning, LOL, is there anything I can do to mitigate the odor for now?
She can't make it to the toilet. We've tried. She just ends up peeing all the way down the hall to the toilet. Just MORE mess. I'd rather empty pots. LOL
We have bought diapers but there is a challenge. She's heavyset, and even the diapers that are her size do not really snug around her legs because of her stomach sticking out. So they leak. We'd need a new one every thirty minutes with her volume.
ANd the wet towels - they're the ones she uses by her bed because she leaks when she tries to sit up in the morning to pee. Her rug in front of her bed gets all mushy so she puts a towel down. This has been going on since she was forty. And to answer your other question, she is bi-polar so her emotions are not always stable.But no dimentia or anything like that.
Try taking your work clothes to the laundromat or dry cleaners and keep them in plastic away from the rest of your things. Do you have any friends who would give you some honest feedback?
Does he work outside the home?
Honestly, I think you could do better without both of them, although that doesn't address the odor issue.
I suspect some of it comes from failure to bathe. Other than putting out coffee grounds, baking soda, charcoal and other odor absorbers, I don't have any suggestions. It seems you're trying your best and your husband and MIL aren't cooperating.
With garbage left out, multiple points of urine collection, this just seems to me like a pig pen. If you could at least make MIL use depends and get rid of the pots all around, that would be a start. But if she isn't going to cooperate, I don't see any chance of improving the situation. And I suspect her son picked up his bad habits from her.
Your job is more important to you than caring for someone who won't cooperate, and from what you've written, this has been the situation for some time.
We've talked to her about a home but she won't hear of it, and me and my hubby don't want to leave her there and bail. It's his mom.
We could save up and move out, at least after January when we get over the hump of property taxes. But it's so hard to just ditch her. And transportation for me is so prime here. I can't get to a laundromat at will if my hubby is busy so that's not going to work as a regular solution. It sucks not driving!
Yeah she tried a urologist, but he wasn't very helpful. Now she was told to try a gynecologist but she hasn't made the appointments and keeps saying she ants to wait til her diabetes is in better control, which it never will be.
I've let her bedroom get rather horrid because I've been busy and because she sleeps like 18 hours a day at times, which makes it hard for me to find time to get in there when she is not sleeping. Plus she is famous for saying "No do it later". But on my tight schedule, if I am ready to do a cleaning task right now, that is the only window you get.The rest of her part of the house is in fair condition, except for some clutter because all the papers. *sigh*.
So is moving the only option? Because it's not likely I can do that anytime soon, and by the time we could save up and move, I could have lost my job already. I am running out of time.
Maybe if I can make a point of emptying all the pee pots more timely? Like every few hours? I have been rather forceful on making her empty her own because she can. But maybe that is the wrong apprach because she lets them stew too long. Maybe carpet powder to help with odor? And I plan on buying seperate shoes. I'm desperate to find a middle ground here. I am also going to take some time off to really do a deep cleaning, but that needs to wait til after the 15th.
I had an old bachelor uncle once whose home was permeated with an unpleasant odor, papers I had to save after he passed on still had a tell tale fragrance years later.
Your husband works 3 12 hour shifts straight...are you saying he works 36 hours in a row? I don't think that's possible unless he's a Navy Seal, Force Recon Marine, Green Beret....and especially since he's overweight. I must be misunderstanding your intent.
You also suggested emptying the pots every 2 hours. How can you do this if you're working?
You will need to keep your clothes separate like others have said using a heavy garment bag. If you have a space at work maybe even take some there if they can be secured. The thing is that pee smell and vapors can get baked into your skin long after you're away from it. And you're in daily contact with it to a great degree so I can only imagine how bad it could be. You may need to soak in the tub with bath/epson salts and other aromatherapy type stuff to help get it out. Showers help but you may need a deeper soaking regularly.
And yes wear different gear when caring for her, certainly nothing you're wearing to work. Consider getting disposable shoe and boot covers, protective clothing, including gloves, hair net and face mask when you're with her cleaning up. I'm totally serious. Check out uline-dot-com or use google search. Try not to have any contact with her or go to her apartment before you go to work. At this point this is necessary to save yourself. I'm so sorry, wow it's just a horrible situation.
You've got some great suggestions about the smell already, I just thought of one other angle - is it possible this awful smell has reached into YOUR apartment since it is all the same building? If it might be present but you've gone noseblind to it. Sometimes I smell smells from neighboring apartments - the construction can allow that to happen sometimes. Is there anyone you can trust, not your husband, who could come sniff and tell you?
Could you enlist the help of an honest friend who doesn't mind telling you if you smell. You could try clothes cleaning, etc, first. Then you could try leaving off dairy. If despite all efforts, the dead animal smell stays with you, check with your doctor to make sure you don't have the bacteria in your gut. (I've heard some fungi can also give a smell.)
I hope the clothes washing works. My mother has accidents quite often. I never wash my clothes with hers. It's not as much the smell as the psychology of it. So far no one has told me I smelled... but who knows? Maybe they're just being nice. I am glad your boss came to you so you can address the problem.
I think one of my biggest issues is the livingroom carpet. I just vacuumed and while on my hands and knees near her chair, I did catch a sort of dead animal smell. So I know for sure I need to get the carpet cleaned to start. And I need to get the upholstery on that chair cleaned too, maybe with some carbona. I hadn't realized how bad that smelled til now! Wow.
My plan beyond that now is going to be to try to tackle her disaster bedroom one more time and try to put at least a few plans in place to keep it from getting bad again including buying a runner for the carpet so all I need to do is mop if she misses. If I can get the entire house deep cleaned from top to bottom this once and plead with both of them to respect my work and keep it this way, maybe this can work. If not, I will have ammunition to insist we make different arrangements.
I am also going to look for a washing machine cleaner. Thanks for that! I didn't know it existed. I never put our loads together, but I still think the wash is contaminated. Unfortunately I don't have routine transport to a laundromat so this is the next best thing. Don't have garment bags yet but I'll look into it. In the meanwhile I have bought a bunch of car air fresheners and some febreeze.
It's possible my apartment smells a bit too with trackng it upstairs. My father is coming tomorrow. I will ask him to give me his opinion. Thanks everyone!
Of course tonight, her toilet HAD to get stopped up so bad a snake didn't fix it this time..and our dryer broke today. :P Never ends! LOL
There is something else going on here, though. I know that because my fiance's brother Phil is a hoarder. Much worse, I can tell, than your MIL. And his dog's messes are left all over his house. His siblings just spent WEEKS cleaning out his home. They had to wear masks with eucalyptus oil to tolerate the stench in the house.
The stench was in the rugs...they ripped them out and threw them away. In his mattress. His pillows. Any upholstered furniture. It was allll thrown away. A new Plether recliner replaced the couch and chair. A new mattress and springs were protected by a vinyl bedpad. Pillows were put in protective plastic zippered cases and THEN a pillowcase.
Phil lived in that God-awful stench. You would have never known that. He had no personal odor outside his home. His clothing didn't smell. He was neat as a pin.
My fiancé wore the same clothing every time he went to his brother's house. He threw them right into the washer when he got home. Socks, undewear, everything. He wore vinyl gloves you can buy for $8 a box of a few hundred at a pharmacy. He left his shoes in the garage...an old pair he eventually threw away.
You are trying to do too much. My God, you have enough on your plate, my friend. I hope I can teach you a very important lesson. Here it is: If it is your responsibility to keep your MILs home clean, then the authority to manage it YOUR WAY must be yours as well.
Get a handyman to help you and strip her home of all rugs, carpeting, upholstery, draperies, EVERYTHING "material" in her apartment. Order a dumpster or call 1-800-JUNK to get rid of it. Spend her money on the bare essentials...an air mattress on the bed frame, one leather-like chair. Every single"material" thing protected from urine.
You don't mention pets. If she has any, find them homes. They are Irving in h*ll.
Your MILis mentally ill. If your OWN home is a disaster, then do is your husband. IF YOU DONT TACKLE THIS PROBLEM QUICKLY, zYou will lose your job. And likely the health dept or adult protective services will get involved and tackle it for you.
In fact, if you don't get cooperation and support from your husband, then he is mentally ill himself AND using you. I'd make the call to Adult Protective Services myself -- anonymously.
You're too close to this situation. It is not normal.
As soon as funds allow, find a deep cleaning company in your area - pest control companies might be able to help, too - and get somebody in to go round the house with you and identify the key issues.
Meanwhile call on support groups in your area to come in and help you find out what is causing the odours to cling to you, your clothes, your living environment. Holding down a job and getting yourself in order every day are a credit to anyone who's living with a severe visual difficulty; it's just too much if all of your hard work is undermined. You deserve help, so ask for it.
And, by the way, I would have very little patience with commercial or professional cleaners who turn tail or down tools when it comes to dealing with a difficult situation. That's what they're *for*, for heaven's sake - what's the point of cleaners who only clean clean houses? Keep searching until you find less precious individuals.
While reading your post I kept thinking of a dog marking territory. Then a house full of cats peeing and taking dumps at leisure. All those latrine smells stick to your clothes; particularly when there isn't much ventilation. That carpet has to go. And she has to be re-potty trained.
She's winning this battle of wills. Look for someone else to clean up before you lose your job.
Is it possible that some of the odor is not from you personally but somehow connected to your work station?
It wouldn't hurt to consult your doctor and have a check up including blood work, strange body odor can be a sign of health problems.