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My mom, who is wheelchair bound and in a memory care facility told me she wanted a white Lexus for Christmas. OK... she has everything she needs because I make sure of that. Movies, books, reading glasses, etc. I go and get her some word search puzzles with big letters, one of those Lifesavers Sweet Storybooks and a remote controlled car (a racy red Ford mustang). I put the batteries in it for her but needed a small screw driver to tighten the screws so I hope someone did that for her. She didn't say thank you or anything. Do their manners totally disappear also with dementia? I'm beginning to think that she is starting to act like the entitled teenager she once was. Anyway, I'm glad the holidays are almost over. They really depress me. May 2025 be happy and prosperous.

My 95-yr old Mom with mild/moderate dementia rarely says "thank you" anymore. Because I raised 3 sons I never lifted a finger for them unless they first said "please" and then I stood there and stared at them with an expectant smile until they said thank you. So since I'm in this habit I automatically do it with my Mom. When she fails to say "thank you", I will often just say "you're welcome!". Then instead of saying "thank you" she comes back with, "Jesus...why are you so cranky?!?".
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Reply to Geaton777
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I myself never liked Christmas since it went into the commercial thing of "gifts". To me gifting is a burden in trying to figure what some adult wants or needs. And honestly, I have no need of or wish for gifts, especially those "expected" on some holiday; it kind of makes my face FREEZE, that having to react to yet another embroidered picture or some such. Well meaning, I know it all is. It still may put an onus and burden on folks often enough.

I think perhaps you should stop this, as you put it "making sure she has everything she wants/needs". It isn't good. It creates, of our elders AND our young a sort of monster with expectations. You aren't responsible for her happiness or her unhappiness and if you stopped putting yourself out to this extent you would not feel resentful, as you do.

Make it a sort of New Years Resolution to stop "buying her favor" in a way similar to what divorcing parents do. Get on with your life more for yourself and for your own friends and favored relationships. I think when giving becomes a burden of expectations it has moved outside what giving is meant to be.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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They lose empathy and become self-centered. Its the desease. And they become like small children. Children do not have manners, they are taught them from an early age. And me, I was not an entitled teenager. I was expected to say please and thankyou. Never show you did not like something.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Your mom is not reverting back to "the entitled teenager she once was" but is now trying to function best she can with a broken brain, and yes that may just mean that she doesn't say thank you for all that you're doing for her.
And you need to be ok with that, and not set your expectations so high.

When my late husband(who had vascular dementia)was under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life, he would always thank the hospice nurse or aides when they would come, yet he would never thank me for all I did for him, so I at one point called him out on it. He for a short time tried to remember, but it was short lived, but I knew that he appreciated all that I did for him.
In fact the night that he finally knew that he was dying and shortly before he became unconscious, he started saying over and over "thank you" and "I'm sorry."
I knew that he was thanking me for the good care that I gave him over the years and especially there at the end, but wasn't sure why he was saying sorry. And because of my husbands speech being effected from his stroke years earlier, I knew he wouldn't be able to tell me what he was sorry for, so I asked him if he was sorry for everything that he put me through and he said yes.
His "thank you" and I'm sorry" were the very last words my husband ever spoke.

So please know that even if your mom doesn't say thank you, that she really does appreciate all that you've done and are doing for her.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Even mild dementia seems to affect kindness and appreciation. My husband never says thank you or that he liked a meal anymore. It's hard to take but I just have to remind myself that it's the disease, not him.
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Reply to BLG2024
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The holidays are horrible while caregiving .
Treat yourself to something !!

Nothing you do will make Mom
happy .
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Reply to waytomisery
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You give me the giggles.
I am thinking she utterly FORGOT What she asked for!
I can only tell you that I myself would be utterly DELIGHTED with your gifts.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Yes, most lose them. As dementia gets worse, their natural nasty traits can no longer be controlled so if I were you, I'd expect her entitlements to get even more pronounced.
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Reply to MyNameIsTrouble
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