She may have early signs of Dementia or Alzheimer's she has been staying with my Uncle and his wife since Thanksgiving because they thinks that's best. I have offered to stay with her for a day or two because she has said she wants to go home they don't feel it's best so she's still there. She's staying at a house she goes to on some holidays during the last few years and has forgotten where things are. I have offered to stay with her since she wants to go home and feel that a house she has lived in for more than 45 years, the house she raised me in, would be more familiar to her. Every time in talk to her she is saying more and more that she doesn't know anything, but asks about her great grandchild who is almost 6 months old and she has only seen maybe six times. She always says she's ready to come home but today she even told my daughter she wasn't happy. I'm able to care for her fulling as well as I would have help from all 3 of my 3 grown kids. According to her Dr. Nurse today she told my daughter that since Thanksgiving she's doing better and that the Dr. Said she just needs to be around family.
I commend you for loving your grandmother. You can still contribute, either financially or with sweat equity. Good luck.
Being a caregiver for someone with dementia or Alzheimer's or many other illnesses is truly the most heartbreaking and difficult task you can undertake. I thought I loved my mother so deeply that nothing could make me sorry that I had undertaken this journey. I never dreamed in a million years that it would EVER BE THIS HARD!!! There is a question posted on this site asking the question, "Is it wrong to hope/wish someone would die." Most people do not want to think about this and most do not want to admit that the thought would ever cross their minds, but it is the reality of long term care....you see the toll the disease is taking on them and you feel the toll it is taking on you minute by minute.
I bet your Uncle and Aunt thought long and hard about moving your grandma in with them before they did it. I am sure they knew how difficult it would be for her to leave her home, going back there now would only start the entire process all over again. If she had to be removed again it is like opening another wound.
You love your Grandmother and that is very evident, you need to visit her often and tell her you love her and perhaps your Uncle would let you bring a few things from her home over time to make her feel more at home with them. The other thing you need to do, it tell your Uncle and Aunt, how much you love them for taking Grandma and caring for her. This will not be an easy job for them either. Caregivers are often "forgotten heroes" who need to hear a little praise every once in a while, a small gift, a card, a call just to say Thank You!
Love your Grandmother all you can and cherish the memories you had growing up with her. Take pictures, if she can remember her life story ask her questions and help her write up her life story. We got my father to do it and it was amazing what we found out. He was born in Oklahoma in 1925 at one point his father was a moonshiner and my father and his brother at 2 and 3 were the "lookouts" for revenuers coming!!! Ha ha, who could have ever imagined!!!
Count your many Blessings! Much Love to You!
Visit often if you are able, but you may not realise the amount of work and attention this illness needs
The posts are very wise, contribute by visiting and continuing to show your love and be supportive of aunt and uncle.
You are blessed, you sound like you come from a loving family and are setting the same example for your children.....how beautiful is that is a world that is not always so kind.
I like geo's suggestion to offer to stay with you gma at their house to give them a break. Something from the way you wrote told me that they are excellent caregivers. Trust them and get behind them in what they need you to do. It is so great to have supportive family.
First, I have some experience with this in that my parents wanted my grandma with alzheimer's to move-in with them. She wouldn't move and they ended up buying her house and moving us all together. She always viewed it as "her" house and it caused unending tension and basically destroyed our entire family. Everyone who came to visit heard how we had stolen her home and how miserable she was and, eventually, she was "rescued" from our clutches. At the next residence, the same thing happened, where she talked about how that family was mean to her and she was so abused, etc..., leading the next person to "save" her. She got shuffled around, this way, eventually landing back with us, the only ones who would take her back a second time and she spent her final years with us.
So, here's a little reality check: grandma might be longing for her home and say she's unhappy to anyone who will listen, but she won't necessarily be happy at home and, even if she's happy, might not be safe. Stop listening to her unless she says something that leads you to think she's abused. Instead, thank your aunt and uncle for their care of her and, if you really want to do something for the family, offer to give them a vacation. That might require you to stay at their house for a few days, especially if grandma has special equipment and things, or it might require you keeping grandma at your place for a few days, if they just could use a "staycation."
People with dementia/alzeimer's don't always know where they are or what they're really saying. You have to really understand the signs of abuse to know if they truly are being abused, because it's usually just their mind going. So, as her mind continues to fade, she probably will accuse your aunt and uncle of being mean or abusive or horrible or whatever, and you can't believe that to be true unless there's some real sign of that.
You bring her joy just by being around her, enjoy that for what it is. There is no going back in life, it just always moves on.