My almost 83 yr old dad fell accidently an fractured his hip. Sense he's had surgery he is now in a Rehab to work on his leg moving better. Now my mom has an active POA an DPOA on our dad. I finally got my mom to change health insurances cause the one they were on wouldn't help them on nothing. So now the one they are on is helping with his rehab an they are helping with in home health care. Which is great cause now he's getting all the help he needs. However my half sister from Florida now wants to drive up an tell my mom what Drs he should be seeing or going to an what he needs to eat cause he has celiac disease. An today she basically called my mom an said she doesn't care about her POAs that she's taking dad to Florida an my mom said no your not. Last time I checked we are still married an I am his wife last I checked. My dad also is going blind an has been diagnosed by more then one dr for dementia. She also told my mom today that she refuses to accept that her dad has dementia. An that he's on the wrong meds an that basically my mom doesn't know her head from her butt was her words. We share the same dad different moms. An my dad is a kid of 13 an most his siblings have either died from cancer or Alzheimer's. So how she doesn't think he would get it eventually we don't know what she's thinking. He can't hardly walk even with therapy an she said well he needs to get shots for his bone an then he could walk a lot better. Plus he has no teeth cause the dentures he did have he refused to wear an his bottom Jaw we were told he is losing bone mass on his jaw so teeth won't fit my sister is also refusing to hear of that also. An we have talked to Drs about that an they all look at us like we can't accept he's getting old an he's beyond helpful far as his bones go cause he's basically skin an bones. An she told my mom today well I'm going to ask Dad if he wants to come stay in Florida with me. My question should I advise my mom to get an attorney before she gets up here. Cause she's in her 50s she hasn't seen our dad nor been with our dad in over 30+ years. Nor has she even made the effort to see him in 30+ years even when mom an Dad were homeless twice I called her an she wouldn't help. Yet she now wants to basically come to my parents house an tell my mom who what where an jump. So my question is should my mom be worried even though she has an active POA/DPOA?
And if you father is legally competent then she is right. A POA means ZERO.
GET AN ATTORNEY NOW.
Write down time, date, manner of contact and what she said.
And, if she does drag her sorry self to see you and takes dad, that's kidnapping as Cashew mentioned. Casually tell her you'll be calling the police to file a kidnapping charge on her. Be sure to get her car make and license plate number. Mom has POA and only mom says if he goes to FL.
Is there an inheritance she's sniffing after here? If not and she were to take dad for even a week, she'd be begging YOU to take him back! The dad she remembers is long gone now, dementia changes them dramatically.
Best of luck to you.
many times a relative will show up at the end of life for someone that they never bothered to keep in contact with before and try to take control in order to finance themselves. Just a thought
Your sister can be banned from entering their house or rehab. Notify rehab if sister is coming and ask them to refuse admittance. His POA (mom) has the power to do that.
You don't have to let sis into his home. If you do, let her know that she gets a certain time with dad and then she's ushered out. You can go to the police station and get a restraining order so that she is prohibited from being on his property, but that only ratchets up the anger, so I advise not to do that unless you absolutely must.
Video everything that seems like a problem. Keep your phone handy to video things and also to call for emergency help. 911 should be on your fast-dial list.
Take pictures too, not just videos.
If sister removes your dad and he is not mentally competent enough to give consent, that looks like elder abuse, kidnapping (a federal crime) and possibly other crimes. Ask the lawyer about this and what to do if it happens.
So let us say that your sister visited and had a calm visit with your Dad and he said "I would like to see another doctor about ___________whatever. Do you think we could find one together". Yes, your sister could help her father do that if he's competent.
Your sister doesn't sound reasonable. She has her fists raised before she has even assessed the situation. She has no right to do that. So take a cue from her. You can handle her calmly; that's great. You can discuss as a family; that's even better. Or she can be banned from the home if needed. Don't let her threaten you! Stand strong and certain.
GOOD LUCK, do DO update us. I hope to hear this went OK for you all.
1. Mom is in charge and will make all decisions
2. These decisions will be explained to sister, but sister will not be changing them.
3. If sister causes disruption and dissention in this already beleaguered household then she will not be allowed to visit. If necessary she will be ushered from the home by police. If restraining orders are required they will be sought and implemented.
There needs to be no excitement, no raised voices, and no argument. This is one and done and over with. Limits need to be clearly set. Call 911 whenever it is needed to escort sister from the premises.
And in the name of all that's good, STAY CALM.