My dad had a stroke and his wife of 40 years abandoned him. His kids, including me. had to move him from Arizona and get him set up with care. He ended up having a paralyzed hand and bladder. He was hospitalized and they got 22 pounds of urine out of him in 8 days. Then they discovered agent orange prostate cancer and advanced kidney disease. She is now divorcing him after 40 years of marriage. I am disabled after a car crash and have a brain injury. On his will he listed me as POA. What do I do? I can not take care of him. I got him into assisted living which has been amazing. But I can not handle all this extra paperwork and stress involving a divorce. Both of them have dementia and Altzhimer's. I don’t know what to do.
Call a family law attorney about the divorce. The first consultation is often free.
His will cannot list you as POA. There is another document for that, and it is usually drawn up in a lawyer's office and notarized. Find out if there is one. If you actually are designated POA, you can resign. It isn't your responsibility unless you accept it. Who would be POA if not you? Not your problem. You need to take care of yourself first and let someone else struggle with dad's legal issues. You are not legally obligated to take care of dad, POA or not.
Sometimes there are paralegals with their own business who handle simple documents or filings from their own office. Usually they worked for lawyers in the past. There was a great mother and daughter team in a place I used to live. Look around and find out if there is such a business in your area. If so, that might be helpful to you. Good luck!
Talk to the AL your father is in and tell them he needs to get a conservator appointed because you can't manage some additional paperwork as his POA. You won't have to because the lawyers take care any paperwork. That's their job. Are you able speak to the administrator of your father's AL and tell them he will have to have a conservator appointed?
I think you are correct. Your plate is too full already for something this EXCEPTIONALLY complicated.
I would first call APS in his area. I would tell them you are currently POA but need to resign it and he is no longer competent to accept your resignation.
If they do not help you then it is on to an Elder Law Attorney. He will resign your POA before the court and your Dad will be assigned a Licensed Fiduciary of the court and become a ward of the estate.
If your stepmom goes ahead with any divorce (difficult if she has Alzheimer's in all truth) then the Fiduciary would be handling their division of assets, would see to your Dad getting agent orange care for vets, would see to his placement. Would protect his assets and etc.
You can't handle this. It isn't something that should be dumped in your lap. His POA pays for your attorney expert advise. I advise you that you should stay the loving daughter and not attempt to be all the things from attorney to manager that he needs now; you aren't up to it and that isn't your fault.
A Will cannot assign you POA. Are you sure its not Executor? POAs are done before death and when the person dies they are revoked and the Executor takes over. You should have paperwork showing you have POA for financial and Medical. Them being invoked depends on the wording. Immediate meaning as soon as the principle signs it its invoked. Springing, means you need a doctor/s to say Dads incompetent to make informed decisions.
As a POA you do not need to care for him. You are there to help with his financials and medical gives you the ability to talk to doctors and medical staff. Make sure his wishes are carried out.
Who is representing the wife in the divorce, because I would question the Lawyer since both spouses seem to be incompetent. Dad may need a lawyer too and if so, that Lawyer will help you with the paperwork. Did Dad assign anyone as secondary POA? If so, you can step down and allow that person to take over.
Then our Will and Trust have what is known as a Spring POA.
So our will does designate POA.
Spring POA comes to the fore when one of us fails and the other has to "take over" and does the usual requirements of the assessment of two doctors that one of us has suffered injury/insult making us unable to manage our own affairs.
All this legal stuff gets so entangled. Honestly, as Hillary said, it takes a Village. Ha ha.
He may also be eligible for monetary compensation and this should be looked into.
(this may bring the soon to be ex wife out of the woodwork as well since this might well be a great deal of money. I would seek consultation with an Elder Care Attorney as quickly as possible)
Is there a back up POA on the document ?
You can give up POA by going to an eldercare lawyer . Then the backup person on the POA document would take over . Otherwise like already said below a court appointed ( non relative) guardian would be assigned , which in this case may be needed , since this sounds too much for you given your disability .
Good Luck .
Does she have kids from a prior marriage? If so, she may have one of them as her PoA and is divorcing as a strategy to protect assets, but that seems unnecessary.
If your Dad is a vet then you should contact the VA. There are participants on this forum who can advise you on what to do.
It will be busy for a while and then he'll get the care he needs. He may need hospice at this point. And you may need to consult with an elder law attorney about the divorce issue and whether or not someone with dementia can initiate a divorce in their home state (this is a grey area).
You can hire a Geriatric Care Manager to take care of your Dad's needs and a certified elder law attorney for his divorce issue. The only other option is to resign your PoA and then call in a social worker to begin the process of getting him a court-assigned 3rd party legal guardian.
I'm so sorry for this stressful situation. I hope you can find all the help you both need.