My brother is the trustee for my Mom and Dads will. My Dad passed in April and my brother had my Mom move in with him. He had a notary come to his house and made himself with my Mom’s signature make him her POA. She has dementia and didn’t know what she was signing. I was fine with it because he was taking care of her. After four months he said he could no longer care for her so she moved in with me. I asked to be on the account her SS and my Dad’s pension go into but he said no. I would need to give him receipts and nothing can exceed $100. Without his approval. I would be given $350. A month to cover food, clothes, toiletries but he would reimburse for doctor and RX co pays, depends, grooming. I asked If something happened to him how would I have access to her accounts for her care? He said a trust attorney had instructions so it would be fine. When I pushed for trust attorney contact info. He now says we don’t need one and I could use my equity line of credit until things got figured out if something happened to him. Should I just not worry about this or have something in place if needed?
My feeling is that this is all vague, he is changing his story, and changing the care arrangements after setting it up for himself. He is giving you all the obligations, and he doesn’t account to you at all. It may all be on the level, but you have no way of finding out. The disappearing 'trust attorney' is the most worrying bit.
If you are paying for all the outgoings and he reimburses you after you provide all the receipts, it would be more sensible for you to be the financial organiser yourself. It doesn’t sound good, you don’t understand the legalities (it's possible that brother doesn't understand them either), you are not safe, and neither is M.
My suggestion would be that you say that you are unable to care for M unless you have a clear understanding of the finances and the decision making. I’d take M back to him to care for until you get details. I think you probably need a lawyer to check any story he gives you.
We don't know how much dementia/cognitive impairment your Mom had when she assigned him as PoA. FYI a "principal" is able to have *some* and still meet the legal criteria for "capacity". In my personal experience with my elderly Aunt, the attorney took my her aside and privately interiewed her to make sure she had such capacity and wasn't being coerced (since I was there with her and I was going to be her PoA).
You taking your Mom in without a clear agreement or understanding was your choice. As PoA your brother should be asking for receipts, this is part of the duty of a PoA: good record-keeping and management.
Since we aren't sure what is in place right now, all I can say is that even "simple" trusts can seem complicated. Ours is set up so that our sons/trustees have the legal ability to use funds from our trust to pay for professional guidance in navigating what to do. If your brother passes before your Mom, I'm sure there are legal solutions in place (such as guardianship) that will allow someone to manage her affairs. You would need to consult with a trust banker or elder law/estate attorney for this.
You don't say how old your brother is or whether he has a health issue that warrants worrying about this. To answer your question whether you should have something in place... you have no power to do that the way (it seems) things are currently set up.
I have no power, and my brother screwed my mom over, so she can't get Medicaid or the help she needs, and expected me to do all the work. Things and understanding of what has been going on has slowly came together for me, in understanding , what is actually going on and why things are so sketchy, with my brother, and why I never get a real answer. His plan was is to have the house and his plan for mom, was for me to do all the work. Now he is mad because that plan is not working his way.
I would tell your brother, you are done doing any care for mom unless he comes clean, and is honest with you.
Margaretken , is absolutely right. She and others here, let me see how taken advantage I was . Please listen to her, you are being scammed, by the sounds of it
Meanwhile keep meticulous records.
If you do not wish to do this care and this work, do consider telling brother you are resigning from the care.
You can also consider bringing APS into this. You won't be added to any accounts but they can help you if you can no longer function to give care and need to have your brother put your mother in care.
Good luck.
Do a quick search for the cost of a live in caregiver in your area. I think you will be shocked!
By the way "she did not move in with you" she was brought to you and dumped on you.
Tell him that you can no longer be caregiver and that he needs to find other arrangements by----------date.
You could also fight the POA, no attorney should have accepted the signature of a person that has been diagnosed with dementia.
2 things you should be clearly aware of is……
1. SSA does NOT allow for the monthly $ they deposit into a bank account to pay your mom as retirement income to ever be placed into a Trust. SSA requires it to be paid to the beneficiary or go through the persons representative payee IF the elder themselves did the rep pay request with SSA.
1. b. Trust is its own legal entity, has its own tax id, its own tax filings. Trust get assets put into them and if it’s a house, land, investments, they all will need to be retitled/ renamed to the name of that Trust.
2. SSA does NOT recognize POA. That POA document is bird cage liner as far as SSA is concerned.
if I were you I’d want to know exactly what the status is of Dads will and probate and this you can go online to the courthouse to see as it’s by & large open records; and then what all Bro might have moved into his name…. or placed into that “Trust” & again online courthouse search to do this via property records. If he’s throwing out “I’m now the trustee for Dad”, and there was not ever a Trust done way before dad died, imho he’s BSing you.
Hopefully AlvaDear will post her insight on Trustee / Trust as she has been a Trustee.
No POA can act to do anything about a Trust.
That is a Trustee and that is attorney work, not a simple piece of paper.
As to your being "fine " with not being paid? That is NOT fine. You are unable to work for yourself while you give care. You need shared living expenses and costs. There should be a care contract done by the POA ( bro) and you for payment. And yes, you keep and are reimbursed for expenditures for mom INCLUDING her transportation to and from appointments and etc.
If your brother is Executor and passes, you apply to be Administrator. You will get a short certificate allowing you access to her bank accts and help you deal with creditors and other things like utilities.
If it’s the second, and he’s cheating both you and M, YOU are in it up to your neck by going along with it. YOU are cheating M by not questioning it and allowing this to continue. When the chips are finally down after M’s death, you will discover the bitter truth and you will blame yourself for going along with it. Your relationship with your brother will then come to a very very nasty end.
If you don’t like the thought of upsetting B now by asking now for more legal information, just remember that if things go wrong you will be bitter, poor and resentful. And like I said, things with your brother will come to a very very nasty end anyway.