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I really need someone to call me about this. It’s a very long situation. It would be better to call and talk with some then a type it all out. She died of pancreatic cancer. 😭😭😭😭

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No-one is going to call, that’s not how the site works. You might find that organising your thoughts in order to write, would help you as well as allowing a few sensible responses which you can think about - and revisit. If you just have to talk it out, you need to pay for a private counsellor.
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Please find a local grief support group. Many churches and faith organizations have them. Or, find a therapist. I'm so sorry for your loss. I had 2 relatives pass from PC. May you receive peace in your heart.
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I think if this has to do with grief and guilt you need to talk to a minister or grief councellor. If Hospice was involved, they have councellors. Not that we haven't grieved for someone but this forum deals more with caring for those who are still with us.
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