I don't know how to answer my Mom when she asks me several questions: She asks what is happening to me (losing her memory), she tells me how depressed she is because she lost her independence (she used to drive and never have to depend on anyone), she tells me I am controlling her (because I have to hide her medication and give the proper dose to her each day or she won't take it or she will take too much), she tells me she wants to die, etc. I do tell her that her arteries in her brain are smaller which is why her memory is failing her. I don't know if that's the right words to say? I think it's really sad to watch my Mom who used to be so independent with a sharp mind turn into a child (part of me feels it not fair). I understand why she is depressed but I don't know how to help her. She did see her new doctor and he suggested counseling for her which I am going to set up, hey I think I need therapy too...
It sounds like your mother could still benefit from counseling, if the counselor is experienced with cognitive impairment. I do know of people who had counseling in the early stage of dementia. This would definitely not be appropriate for all dementia patients, but from what you say it may be good for your mother. I don't see much risk in trying it.
Today she started to cry (she doesn't cry that often) and told me how tired she is and that she is ready to go. I didn't get upset and gave her a hug and told her I understand. She thanked me for being understanding and not getting upset.
We talked about her life and all that she accomplished which was a lot not to mention bringing up 4 children (my baby brother passed away from cancer).
I am understanding how important repetition is and most of the time I have the patience to repeat to her what she wants to know.
When she tells me a story I do just go along with it and let her tell it. But when she asks me if she is repeating herself I say "Mom, that's such a good story I would enjoy hearing it again"...
I also finally realized that when I cook for her which is almost every day not to give her large amount as that overwhelms her. Tiny portions then she helps herself. Also grinding up certain foods helps her. So I'm learning..
Has she been to an ophthalmologist?
Anyway, yes, it is tough to see my Mom change like this. I wish my Mom had a hobby (she used to be an avid knitter), but she sees double vision (eye doctor explained why as her muscles in her eyes are weakening causing her eyes to cross giving that double vision effect. I may try giving her some yarn and an easy pattern such as a scarf to knit using large needles. She does enjoy watching tennis and old movies that I record for her as well as game shows.
I also tell her that I don't remember things and that's it part of getting older but she doesn't respond to that. I do hug her and let her know I am there for her.
I think the reason this doctor wants her to see a counselor is to get more information so he can prescribe the right medication for her. I was surprised he spent over an hour with my Mom.
What is Memory Care? I know I need to talk to a therapist to handle this new stress as I am starting to feel emotions I have not felt before.
Thanks! Jenna
It is tough to see our parent go through this, my Dad just started with "sundowning" and I am still trying to wrap my head around it... I am doing better now that he is in Memory Care. I found that if I reassure him everything is ok he feels better. Now my Dad's hobby is weather, so I can always redirect the conversation to how is the storm on the east coast, and he will talk about that.
Or if Dad complains he can't remember this or that, I will say "I have the same thing, it is all part of getting older, so don't worry about it." That makes him feel better, too.