my 84 y dad thinks hes 10 ft tall & bulletproof.hes stubborn and acts like a rebelous teenager towards me when i try to keep him safe. HELP!! im 42 hes 84. i recently moved back in with him because my brother was abusing him.the house has fallen into major disrepair.ive been busting my butt to give him back the pride he lost. i did not want to move back here, i gave up section 8 i was going to rent a place a block away, but brother is violent, in jail most times. drug addicts took over,drained is bank accts, stole everything and dealt dope out of here. so i came back to clean the house. ok, but now he acts like a rebeling teen to me, he expects me to work miracles when he doesnt let me know whats going on.if he gets sent stuff he didnt order, he wants me to call the place. but he shreds the bill with the acct number on it!.he refuses to show me paperwork,bank statements,etc. but wants me to fix things. he gets really mad when he messes up his computer and im able to fix it.its like he sabatoges me at everyturn, i dont get it. if im a pain in the ass, then ill leave, i dont want to fight! why does he act like this?
There are different stages of alzheimers/dementia and the acting out is definitely not a pleasant one. As the person progresses thru the disease it gets easier to deal with, at least it did in our case.
Its hard on family because all we ever knew was having a loving parent.
Try to remember that your parent is probably scared to death at not having control of their actions. Who knows what is going on in their mind due to this horrible disease. They cant control it and thats the most important thing to learn.
A few things I found that helped were:
Try to keep their environment calm and quiet.
* The less distractions there are the better.
* Shut the TV off...play soft quiet music instead.
* Get them to try kids size puzzles, colouring books, magazines or catalogues.
* Sundowner syndrome sets in at night and causes a lot of agitation. Before its dark, shut the curtains or blinds on the windows and put on lots of lighting instead.
what i noticed with the alzheimers/dementia its like a chandelleir, going out one bulb at a time. how fast the mind goes has everything to do with if the person is a fighter or not. my mom laid down and let it take her early and fast. my dads opposite, thats good, hes fighting it, but hes so terrified of becoming old and unneeded, that he overdoes it, the worst words anybody can say to this man is 'your 84, you should rest'...that will drive him striaght up a ladder to reshingle the roof! just to prove he can. im trying to tell him hes earned the right o let others break their backs, nobdy is saying he CANT do it, im saying why would you want to? let the youngbloods work for you for a change! but no, hes got to 'prove' hes strong.. so its a juggling/balencing act for me everyday, im a very patient person, im very good with rewording things so as not to offend.i just get so exausted when im doing the work of 2 men, and watching him at the same time..whew!!! just call me supergirl here..i always try to phrase it, dad, im half your age and im tired, take a break so i can...
aww, man glorious break over, ill be back in a few...thanks for all the responses, it helps to get stuff off my chest with people that understand, so ill be visiting here ofternn,,
bills he just throws em away . my brother had his mails stop and have it transfered over to my brothers house and he would pay his bills , hes POA .
sebring . you have ur hands full esicaly a brother of urs . maybe thats why ur father s actin like a big man cuz he s afraid he;ll get punched . u said your brother was abusing him . my guess is your dad s actin big so he wouldnt get hurt ?
yes take him to dr and you may need to start paying his bills . get the mail first and give him the junk mail u keep the bills .
you may need to be his poa also .
id start with the dr first then go fromn there , plz keep coming back sebring and welcome to the site !!!
bless your heart ..
Sebring, you have it really tough right now. I sympathize with you and hope you can get the help you need. It does sound like your father could have some dementia issues ( pertaining to his personality, for example). I would not "fight" with him, whatever you do, because that will only escalate his anger.....and it sounds like he isn't thinking entirely rationally any more. Try to speak to him in a calm voice, and try not to react to what he says to you. I have to do this with my father. I used to react as if he was speaking from his old rational mind, but he simply isn't any more. Try to get the rest you need, whether that be by getting out of the house for some space and fresh air, getting help to come in and give you breaks (I"ve seen on this board that you can call your local aging services....You could contact the local hospital to find out more about this.). And really try hard to realize that what he is saying to you is not meant for you personally. He can't help it. He's getting old, and he could well have some dementia. You could call his doctor to talk about this, and perhaps the doctor could see him and do an evaluation. Good luck with this.
They have no concept of how bad things got in the care (or lack of care) of our siblings. It has taken a few years to get her to understand that I am here to help, to try and go around me is disrespectful, and that I have limits too!
Do you have the Power of Attorney for your father (both medical and financial)? If you do, you can set up online accounts for him and you can keep track of everything - this has saved me so much time.
If he is of sound mind, have a calm, frank, discussion with him. Let him know how much stress he is adding to the mix and it has to stop. Then, remind him at the time something occurs.
Lastly, do not take it personally. I did at first and it made me so stressed out. I could not figure out why Mom thought she had it better when she lived at "home" when really, no one wanted to step up to help her. Here she lives like a queen, but I still think she would like to go back to the way she was living.Go figure!
But we are doing the right thing - they are safer and healthier with us.
Give yourself a pat on the back from all of us here. Your father was in an extremely dangerous situation and you stepped in. I think that makes you a hero!
Lilli
Your Dad may also be too embarrassed to discuss a problem with you, especially after all that happened with your brother. If your dad has a doctor, maybe you should take him for a visit to see if he is still competent. He may listen to his doctor if he does have a problem.