Single woman in early 50’s now completely broken and emptied after losing what I thought was my reality. Instead I spend days now trying to not literally lose my mind faced with a brother I don’t recognize who has POA of my deceased father’s (& mother’s) estate/family patronage. I am in this twilight zone of an believable adult sibling psychological abuse/narcissism/family-parent loss, unable to avoid this ongoing cruelty as each of these covertly abusive and black days continue.
... today I try to survive after our father’s death 2 months ago, after the death of my mother 3 yrs ago. I was always in a positive relationship with my parents and my 3yr older also single brother.
They wrote their combined final will about 5 yrs ago and met with us to to indicate their final wishes, stating /disscussing that my eldest brother would be “officially” the executor/POA but it was “understood” that both he & I would share the responsibility informally. The inheritance was to be 50-50 no questions asked and no foreseeable problems expected.
Time changes people.
1) mother let herself die 3 yrs ago which began what I see now the progressive complete and unrecognizable personality change of my brother who disowned me at his earliest possibility; ...knowing at that particular time, my father was certainly vulnerable after losing his wife of over 66 years- and would easily agree /do nothing to such a ludicrous demand at that time for no reason. -he was now in seriously failing health and my brother began progressively influencing his thoughts about me -his only daughter.
I suffered unbelievable psychological abuse since that time caring for my father by my controlling brother who has now destroyed me almost completely. I was also 100% caregiver to my capacities but never acknowledged by my brother who thought he was in charge.
I received a call over 2 months ago that lasted 1 min from him stating my Father had died. As POA over the will and with his unexplained hatred towards me, he never contacted me again to this day after that 60 second call and since I am terrified of further abuse, I had to hire a lawyer to see my father’s will (that I always thought was also combined with my mother’s).
I received a copy and saw that my father had rewritten a new one only days after my mother's death bequeathing my brother (still POV) 75% of his succession (and some remainder to me) contrary to my life experience when my parents always ensured my brother and I would always receive the same value of gifts etc.. However as adults my family always knew that I was and am still in ongoing difficult health/financial challenges -hardships because of a terminal illness preventing me from work since 2009.
I don’t understand!
My brother has always stood by me/ he was always healthy, more than financially secure with a pension and no debts or dependants. While I live week to week. I am slowly losing my mind at the thought if what will become of me in the coming months ahead ... I see me ending up on the streets while he has yet to contact me.
I have no mental or physical energy left. And sadly am seeing only my demise in the coming months. I can only only ask why ?
Take care of yourself. Please come here anytime you need comfort. Hugs. Let us know how you are doing.
I don’t know what you can do but wanted to offer support. Again. I am terribly sorry.
However, there is nothing to be done about this. You do have 25% of the estate if I understand correctly. I cannot know your father's thinking in all this; does the brother have a large family, kids going to college, while you are responsible for yourself only. That would be a for instance. But as I said, no one can know his thinking.
I feel you should take your inheritance gratefully, have what relationship you can/or you care to with the brother, and make a life of value, of friendships, of people who appreciate you. There is really no other choice. If you allow this to be what destroys you, then you are saying that without your father's money you are nothing. That isn't the case. You are still who you are. You have done the best you are able for your parents. It is time to move on and begin to rebuild your life without these people. Some are gone forever. Some seem not to care for you. I am not a big believer in "blood". There are many out there who would wish to be "brother" or "sister" to you for your goodness in their own lives. Good luck. Sorry for your pain and your loss. I know if you spend time on the forum you do know that things like this are not, in fact, unusual.