Follow
Share

Mom and Dad are POA's for each other on both Health and Durable. Mom is in hospital for falling and is now staged as severe dementia. I'm next on both my parents POA's. I need to place both of them in Memory Care once she is discharged in a couple of days. (Dad is showing signs of dementia at his last doc appt and not wanting to make decisions). My question... How do I become the next decision maker as listed on POA?

Find Care & Housing
Emc, that does sound like he would also qualify for Memory Care. Have you chosen a facility yet? If not, I wonder if it would help or hurt for your dad to participate in choosing one.

On the POA question, again go back to the language which should be based on state law, regarding what documentation is required to activate your POA. Your mother's doctor(s) can do a statement that she is not competent for herself, and also not competent to serve for your father. Your father's doctor(s) can do the same. Then both would pass to you.

It's a complicated situation and I'm sorry you're in it. But they showed good foresight in getting POAs set up, and in including you as the successor.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to MG8522
Report

I have a letter from Mom's attending doctor stating her dementia is severe and lacks capacity to make decisions etc. She's been in the hospital for 8 days now. From the EMT who helped her when she fell out of bed to many professionals this week; Dad is throwing red flags everywhere showing signs of dementia as well. The hospital has noted she cannot be released to go home with Dad due to his confusion and behavior that has been noted by Mom's docs and nurses. These professionals have also sent referrals to APS. Since Dad is not the patient at the hospital; they said they cannot give him an evaluation. I took him to the doc on Friday for assessment. He failed the initial cognitive test. (It was a new doc who had never met him, as his doc left the practice.) Bloodwork is being done and a followup appointment. He's been getting lost a lot. Asking known family members who they are, after having a knowing conversation with them 20 minutes prior. Dad admitted he should no longer drive and liked the idea of sharing a room with Mom in a memory care where they can be safe and stress free. Today he flipped the script; rejected the idea; said he was staying home and taking Mom home from the hospital and would get the courts involved if necessary. I need to make the safest decision for both of them once I have the clear POA to do so.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Emc1026
Report

Just a heads up, from your description of dad's problems, he is no where near needing memory care. An honest needs assessment will help you know what level of care he needs, what they both need. I have never seen a facility allow the client to decide what level of care they need.

Unless your dad willingly goes into a facility, your POA is pretty useless. No facility wants to accommodate a senior that has capacity and doesn't want to be there, period. It is beyond disruptive to the facility, staff and residents alike.

A POA does not override anyone's autonomy without solid, undeniable medical proof that the person lacks capacity to operate safely and multiple doctors verify this, then only a Judge can actually declare a person incompetent and take away their rights. Which is a good thing when you consider the harm that can be done with taking away someone's rights.

Could it be that your dad is burned out taking care of his wife and doesn't want to feel like he put her away? Might you just be the owner of that decision, for both their sakes? He might recover if the stress is removed and he sees that mom is cared for and he can go back to just being her spouse and advocate.

Caregiving eats young people alive, I can not imagine how much harder it is when it is your spouse and you "ain't no spring chicken."

Best of luck finding and implementing the right level of care for both your parents.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report

As you seem not really to be knowledgeable at all about POA I am going to suggest an attorney. Don't worry! It's where we all start out, mired in anxiety and clueless as to what to do.

The POA paper itself says how if can be implemented (usually a letter of diagnosis from two MDs, one a neuro-psyc.
However, THAT IS ONLY THE BEGINNING.

Seeing an attorney for expert counsel and advice is part of being a POA and is paid for by your parents funds.
You need to learn ALL your rights and obligations.
Start with online looking up POA for your state.
Each entity you deal with, whether gas and electric co. or IRS or SS or Bank is going to want you to jump into and through their own hoops. You must keep a diary and meticulous records of every penny into and out of parents accounts after learning all about their assets.

Do know that IRS, SS, Medicare and Medicaid do not accept POA, and requires separate designations if you need them, but you may not if the mail gets changed to your address and the SS checks get sent to the same accounts. The account you will have control over; that's the important thing. You will need to know how to be named signee, even how to sign.

Getting them into care will be simple.
The other stuff is very difficult.
I wish you luck. See an attorney after doing your own internet research for your own state, and best of luck.
You can do this. It was where I started five years ago this coming May, with my entry here on Aging Care Forum. I started out CLUELESS and have learned a lot. A book full of stuff, but as you might guess, it's too long to write here.

Most of all let me assure you that after a year everything will be in place and running smoothly and all set up. It's that first year that's a kicker!
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report

You need to read the PoA document to see what triggers the authority (usually it's 1 formal medical diagnosis of impairment). Get the diagnosis for each of them (separately) on the clinic letterhead and signed by their diagnosing doctor. Then you need to have the PoA and the letter with you everywhere you go on their behalf.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Geaton777
Report

You can check what the POA documents says and if necessary, what the state law says. Probably you need a statement from one or possibly two doctors saying that she is not competent. Some doctors are reluctant to sign because they are afraid of getting into a legal matter but geriatric doctors are used to this so if one refuses, check with another.

Are you planning to move your mother home, and then to Memory Care? If possible, it will be easier to have a medical transport take her directly from the hospital to the facility rather than home, where she and your Dad might fight against moving.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to MG8522
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter