Mom and Dad are each other's POAs on both Health and Durable POA documents. Mom is in hospital for falling and is now diagnosed with severe dementia. I'm next on both my parents POA's.
I need to place both of them in Memory Care once Mom is discharged in a couple of days. (Dad is showing signs of dementia at his last doc appt and not wanting to make decisions). My question... How do I become the next decision maker as listed on POA?
2. Have a mental capacity test done on your parents. Some trust need two doctors to confirm their status.
3. Once above items are done Attorney will write up new changes of POA & POA OF MEDICAL.
4. Bring papers to banks , doctors office,medicare office & social security office. Have plenty of copies for any and all business and financial companies that they have business with , because they will not talk or do any business with you for them until you do.
5. At that time you can start looking for an assisted living situation for your parents. You might consider a place where your Dad could still be in assisted living with extra help and be able to come and go in the memory section to visit your Mom until the time he needs that extra assistance.
6. You have a lot on your plate you might even consider a fiduciary that will be able to help you with all the financial needs and record keeping necessary and sale of home or property.
Good luck being the best adult child with putting your parents first and with dignity and love and respect.
I do not understand why a person with severe dementia is 'still' legally handling another's legal documents.
You need more than being a POA.
You need to change all bank / investment records. Everything.
Gena / Touch Matters
On the POA question, again go back to the language which should be based on state law, regarding what documentation is required to activate your POA. Your mother's doctor(s) can do a statement that she is not competent for herself, and also not competent to serve for your father. Your father's doctor(s) can do the same. Then both would pass to you.
It's a complicated situation and I'm sorry you're in it. But they showed good foresight in getting POAs set up, and in including you as the successor.
This action will fast track you getting control for mom and quite possibly dad.
Let him involve the courts. He will either present as an able, cognitive adult or he will be deemed incompetent to carry out self care and care of your mom. This would give you much authority to help them.
Just so you know, some seniors are bound and determined to go the hard way. Your dad's flip flopping makes me think he is one. This type of change is hard and the many losses that come with it are hard. Patience and understanding will be tough as you go through this but, they will benefit all of you.
Prayers that dad's need assessment, which can and should be done by the facility, will help you know what you're dealing with and get them both the care that is appropriate.
Unless your dad willingly goes into a facility, your POA is pretty useless. No facility wants to accommodate a senior that has capacity and doesn't want to be there, period. It is beyond disruptive to the facility, staff and residents alike.
A POA does not override anyone's autonomy without solid, undeniable medical proof that the person lacks capacity to operate safely and multiple doctors verify this, then only a Judge can actually declare a person incompetent and take away their rights. Which is a good thing when you consider the harm that can be done with taking away someone's rights.
Could it be that your dad is burned out taking care of his wife and doesn't want to feel like he put her away? Might you just be the owner of that decision, for both their sakes? He might recover if the stress is removed and he sees that mom is cared for and he can go back to just being her spouse and advocate.
Caregiving eats young people alive, I can not imagine how much harder it is when it is your spouse and you "ain't no spring chicken."
Best of luck finding and implementing the right level of care for both your parents.
The POA paper itself says how if can be implemented (usually a letter of diagnosis from two MDs, one a neuro-psyc.
However, THAT IS ONLY THE BEGINNING.
Seeing an attorney for expert counsel and advice is part of being a POA and is paid for by your parents funds.
You need to learn ALL your rights and obligations.
Start with online looking up POA for your state.
Each entity you deal with, whether gas and electric co. or IRS or SS or Bank is going to want you to jump into and through their own hoops. You must keep a diary and meticulous records of every penny into and out of parents accounts after learning all about their assets.
Do know that IRS, SS, Medicare and Medicaid do not accept POA, and requires separate designations if you need them, but you may not if the mail gets changed to your address and the SS checks get sent to the same accounts. The account you will have control over; that's the important thing. You will need to know how to be named signee, even how to sign.
Getting them into care will be simple.
The other stuff is very difficult.
I wish you luck. See an attorney after doing your own internet research for your own state, and best of luck.
You can do this. It was where I started five years ago this coming May, with my entry here on Aging Care Forum. I started out CLUELESS and have learned a lot. A book full of stuff, but as you might guess, it's too long to write here.
Most of all let me assure you that after a year everything will be in place and running smoothly and all set up. It's that first year that's a kicker!
Are you planning to move your mother home, and then to Memory Care? If possible, it will be easier to have a medical transport take her directly from the hospital to the facility rather than home, where she and your Dad might fight against moving.