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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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You could have a recap of his life in photos posted on the funeral home’s website. Ask them for music played in the background as the pictures unfold on screen. Inform people that this is how you’re celebrating his life. They can look it up, click on the link, and play it as many times as they like. My friend supplied 40 photos for her nephew. It was lovely.
There are companies that create a “farewelling.” It includes an online meeting where people sign in and can see each other onscreen. There are photos to see, and people speak up about their memories of the deceased. This worked well for my friend who had relatives in Europe; they didn’t have to travel to the US to go to a funeral.
I find no comfort in funerals. There is nothing pleasant about sitting in a hall with people I may not know, the crying and the wheeling of the corpse out the door with the mourning spouse and family behind. Just NO.
Even the will is not binding on an executor. The legal case I learned was about a testator who left instructions for a grave to be surmounted by “a magnificent equestrian statue of myself’. He didn’t get it.
Thank you. He didn’t have many friends only family. The ones pushing for a memorial service or something of that sort are caretakers and ppl that knew him but not close. We, the family, and close friends were at his bedside while he was conscience. He was so happy. We gave him his flowers while he was alive. I feel in my heart he was pleased. He did not leave instructions.
I think this was so good, so lucky, such a wonderful end. I don't think there is anything else that need to be done. You honored him in life and gave him a peaceful end, and to be honest there's nothing better than that, nothing to beat that.
Feel guilty because you are are failing in obligations to WHOM exactly? Dad has passed. My own family chose never to have services and to have simple cremation. My Dad asked that we go to the bar and hoist a glass to him! Kidding here, because he didn't drink, but the fact is that neither my mother, father nor brother had any services other than family and close friends having an evening to remember him at one of our homes. I don't want services and this is written in my instructions. My partner will not have services.
To be honest, I don't see the sense in them at all, though some families are comforted by them and want to have them.
In short, the answer is that you don't need to have services. If ANYONE asks "when are services" say "It was Dad's wishes not to have any, and we will let you know if we get together at some point in the future for a remembrance". End of discussion.
You have my condolences. I hope you have good memories and they sustain you.
If it was your fathers wish to have some kind of funeral or celebration of life, then by all means honor his wishes. Otherwise you and your family can do whatever you all think is best. When my late husband died 4 1/2 years ago, I had him cremated and we scattered his ashes at his favorite beach with just immediate family in attendance. I had put an obituary in our local newspaper so others would know of his death, but notated in it that his ashes would be scattered at his favorite beach. I'm glad that you got to be with your father at his passing and I wish you peace going forward. God bless you.
Did he prepay for his funeral. If he did that changes things some - but honestly even if he did the family doesn't HAVE to do anything - but that money (outside of burial or cremation) that he paid for the services etc will be lost.
But if he didn't prepay anything - frankly - no.
I do know that people can be judgmental when they don't feel that someone's wishes are honored. But in my opinion funerals are for the living. I've already told my kids to cremate me and do what they want - that they are under no obligation to have anything.
I've seen it done so many ways. Especially since COVID, things have changed. I've known people who cremated their loved one and had private family only memorials, I've known people who the funeral service was actually a celebration of life and a reunion of sorts. I've known people who still have the "traditional" funeral services. Culturally there are a ton of different types of celebrations and memorials.
I'm going to set you straight on something that someone said to me here. Guilt is for people who have done something wrong. GRIEF is the sorrow of loss. Not having a funeral is not "wrong", it is simply a choice like any other.
Maybe your family had your celebration of life by his beside. Is it strictly necessary for everyone to come together and stand in line and shake a bunch of hands, often of people they don't even know? Or would the family prefer to have a private graveside service or spread his ashes somewhere every one loved to be with him?
There are lots of ways to honor and remember without a formal service.
If he had a Last Will this often includes directions about what he wants done with his body and also any religious or "celebration of life" services. The Executor of his Will takes care of all these arrangements. This of course can only happen if he also left enough funds to cover it.
If he left no instructions, it will be up to the family representative to do this.
My MIL was in LTC for 7 years. She had a very small family and she outlived her friends and neighbors. Her 3 sons (and other family) had been with her prior to her passing (which was rather sudden). She left no Will nor instructions but we had purchased a pre-paid cremation policy for her. She lived near us in MN and when the summer comes we will organize a family event to place her ashes in the lake she loved and share our loving memories of her life with us, with no church or other formal ceremony.
My Aunt recently passed and I'm her Executor, organizing a Catholic funeral mass for her even though she also didn't leave any specific instructions, but was a devout Catholic. Plus the majority of our family is Catholic and would be upset if this didn't happen. Funerals are really for those left behind. People shouldn't do anything out of guilt.
His family can have a small, intimate gathering to memorialize him. I'm sorry for your loss.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
So sorry for your loss.
There are companies that create a “farewelling.” It includes an online meeting where people sign in and can see each other onscreen. There are photos to see, and people speak up about their memories of the deceased. This worked well for my friend who had relatives in Europe; they didn’t have to travel to the US to go to a funeral.
I find no comfort in funerals. There is nothing pleasant about sitting in a hall with people I may not know, the crying and the wheeling of the corpse out the door with the mourning spouse and family behind. Just NO.
We, the family, and close friends were at his bedside while he was conscience. He was so happy. We gave him his flowers while he was alive. I feel in my heart he was pleased. He did not leave instructions.
Dad has passed.
My own family chose never to have services and to have simple cremation. My Dad asked that we go to the bar and hoist a glass to him! Kidding here, because he didn't drink, but the fact is that neither my mother, father nor brother had any services other than family and close friends having an evening to remember him at one of our homes. I don't want services and this is written in my instructions. My partner will not have services.
To be honest, I don't see the sense in them at all, though some families are comforted by them and want to have them.
In short, the answer is that you don't need to have services. If ANYONE asks "when are services" say "It was Dad's wishes not to have any, and we will let you know if we get together at some point in the future for a remembrance". End of discussion.
You have my condolences. I hope you have good memories and they sustain you.
When my late husband died 4 1/2 years ago, I had him cremated and we scattered his ashes at his favorite beach with just immediate family in attendance.
I had put an obituary in our local newspaper so others would know of his death, but notated in it that his ashes would be scattered at his favorite beach.
I'm glad that you got to be with your father at his passing and I wish you peace going forward.
God bless you.
But if he didn't prepay anything - frankly - no.
I do know that people can be judgmental when they don't feel that someone's wishes are honored. But in my opinion funerals are for the living. I've already told my kids to cremate me and do what they want - that they are under no obligation to have anything.
I've seen it done so many ways. Especially since COVID, things have changed. I've known people who cremated their loved one and had private family only memorials, I've known people who the funeral service was actually a celebration of life and a reunion of sorts. I've known people who still have the "traditional" funeral services. Culturally there are a ton of different types of celebrations and memorials.
I'm going to set you straight on something that someone said to me here. Guilt is for people who have done something wrong. GRIEF is the sorrow of loss. Not having a funeral is not "wrong", it is simply a choice like any other.
Maybe your family had your celebration of life by his beside. Is it strictly necessary for everyone to come together and stand in line and shake a bunch of hands, often of people they don't even know? Or would the family prefer to have a private graveside service or spread his ashes somewhere every one loved to be with him?
There are lots of ways to honor and remember without a formal service.
If he had a Last Will this often includes directions about what he wants done with his body and also any religious or "celebration of life" services. The Executor of his Will takes care of all these arrangements. This of course can only happen if he also left enough funds to cover it.
If he left no instructions, it will be up to the family representative to do this.
My MIL was in LTC for 7 years. She had a very small family and she outlived her friends and neighbors. Her 3 sons (and other family) had been with her prior to her passing (which was rather sudden). She left no Will nor instructions but we had purchased a pre-paid cremation policy for her. She lived near us in MN and when the summer comes we will organize a family event to place her ashes in the lake she loved and share our loving memories of her life with us, with no church or other formal ceremony.
My Aunt recently passed and I'm her Executor, organizing a Catholic funeral mass for her even though she also didn't leave any specific instructions, but was a devout Catholic. Plus the majority of our family is Catholic and would be upset if this didn't happen. Funerals are really for those left behind. People shouldn't do anything out of guilt.
His family can have a small, intimate gathering to memorialize him. I'm sorry for your loss.