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My Wife (CBD) asked me to feed her breakfast. She is still physically and mentally able to do it herself. Should I feed her or encounter to do it herself. When the time comes when she can't I will certainly do it. I am trying to keep her independent as long as she is able

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You might think she can still feed herself, but even though she can, there may be times that something about it confuses her. My LO is physically capable but often can’t figure out in the moment how to place the spoon under the food in order to scoop it up. Sometimes he places the spoon upside down in the food, and of course it doesn’t work. If he’s cued in how to scoop the food, he might do it once or twice and then forget again. Sometimes he tries to use his knife. Feeding oneself is complicated for dementia patients, so refusing to feed herself may have more components than you think.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Its called "disabling". Your wife should be made to do what she can do for herself. With my Mom I was told by the aide she was not brushing her teeth. I asked if the aide was putting the toothpaste on the brush and handing it to Mom. I could tell by her face it was no. Well, thats what you had to do. Once u handed the brush to Mom she brushed her teeth. Maybe not actually feeding but putting it on her fork and handing her the fork?
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Why would anyone in their right mind want to be fed by a loved one when they can do it themselves? That doesn't make sense to me.
I can only guess that there is much more to your story then what little you've shared, and that perhaps your wife is actually showing signs of dementia and honestly at times can't remember how to feed herself.
If that is the case, you being in denial about it won't help anyone, especially your wife.
So if your wife is in fact needing help eating, please help her.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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lkdrymom Jan 27, 2025
I think because there are some people out there that love to be catered to. My father and grandmother were like this.
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Maybe try some finger foods and see if she is more willing to feed herself that way?
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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I wouldn't. It is learned helplessness. My father was the King of that. The more I did for him the less he was willing to do anything for himself. I was fine doing things he couldn't, but I refused to do things he didn't feel like doing.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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Try to just give her a sly giggle and tell her "That's not good for YOU and it's not good for ME".
This isn't a good thing to foster. Just tell her "take a rest" or "you don't have to finish that, if you need a break" but don't allow her to sink into a bad habit.

I can't imagine where her thinking is in this, but I wouldn't let it thrive as an option. Not until it's needed.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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You can do both.
Give her a spoonful of whatever it is then put a bit on the spoon and say, "Honey, I am going to get a refill on my coffee, I will be right back". Take your time returning she may eat what you have put on the spoon and continue on her own.
Sometimes finger foods are easier.
French toast, an egg and ham sandwich, sausages, fruit with a yoghurt dip, a fruit salad.
Do monitor for any problems swallowing or chewing.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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