Recently got a script from my doctor. He said daily use was okay, but he also knows I use it sparingly. In the past I've had this med for GAD and panic attacks, and used it with no problems but I only used sparingly. One script lasting 3 years.
Now things are different and I struggle to make it through each day and have terrible insomnia. I wake up at 2AM and the intrusive thoughts and worry take over. I HATE that I need meds to cope with this, but feeling like I'm losing it on a daily basis can't be good for me either.
I guess I fear physical dependency, which is bound to happen with daily use. I know my doctor would help me taper when the time comes, but it just sucks that I have been reduced to needing this. But I won't lie. It definitely helps to take the edge off. Not in a recreational high type of way, but in a "I can finally breathe" kind of way.
Any experience out there with this type of thing?
When I finally "accepted" that I was NOT Ok, about 20+ years ago, the first thing they gave me in the hospital was Xanax. OMG! Within 1/2 hour I went from panic and suicidal ideation to simply being me.
I had carried this anxiety for so many years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am on an antidepressant, which I will taper off of this Spring and I take Klonipin (Another benzo, but in my experience, much "gentler" and longer acting. It has literally saved my life.)
I am addicted, sadly, and while I am not proud of it, I also know that my "addiction" is a low dose one and I will probably be on this until I die. My psych doc really wants me to be on half the dose I am, but the inabilty to sleep some nights, along with the general personality "disorder" that I have--I get so anxious worrying about cutting pills into halves, quarters---it honestly is so anxiety producing....
My DH is really the reason I take them. He is hard to live with, a good man, but completely wrapped in his own life. Critical of me to the nth degree--and clueless that he hurts my feelings--I find I medicate much more when he is in town as opposed to traveling.
I cannot be judgmental about anyone's need to medicate to function. W/O my benzos, I KNOW I would have long since taken my own life. I know I am not alone in this.
It almost doesn't MATTER what the reason is for the need for help. I long since swallowed my pride and try to do better as time passes, and I do hope someday to be anxiety free.
And if I am not, that's OK.
You do what you need to do to be well.
Is caring for Mom worth your health? I have never dealt with a narcissist but many on this forum are. Seems you will never win with Mom. As other people have posted, they have learned to set boundries or just walked away. Believe me, you are not the only person dealing with this.
Long term benzo use - not abuse but regular use - has been associated with cognitive decline and that cognitive decline may not reverse itself when the benzo is discontinued.
What changes can you make to your daily routine? What changes are within your control to make so that she is safe and you can "finally breathe"?
Looks like I’m the black sheep here as I don’t believe in any type of pharmaceuticals.
There are also some great CBD Oils that can be vaped, Koi and Hemplucid come to mind.
Also essential oils work wonders wether they are applied to the skin with a carrier oil or atomized with a diffuser.
Pharmaceuticals will definitely make you feel better immediately, but it’s the lasting damage they do that with get you in the end.
For me it’s just not worth poisoning my body when Mother Nature has all the answers, which are cheaper, good for you and side effect free. *when used correctly.
substances which is what affects our organs and creates a new illness. I also take natural and pure Royal Jelly.
Take the meds as prescribed, and you should be o.k.
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