I know this a strange question and I realize that I might be being paranoid but sometimes I think my dad has people watching me to see what time I leave home for work and what time I return. He has recently started back saying he does not like his facility and wants to come home. The reason I think this is because I had to be at work earlier a few days ago and he called me at 6:25am and said, "You are on the road aren't you?" He has never called that early. Also, a few months ago, I was off of work on a Friday and I saw a good friend of his and was not very long before dad called me and asked what I was doing ( it was not at a time he usually calls). I still think he is trying to find a way out and he is trying to pin down my schedule. There have been many other times that this has happened.He is also still trying to make me feel sorry for him by saying, "I do not like it here but I have to stay." I do not respond when he says things like that. Once again, I know it sounds crazy.
I'm definitely working on being unstoppable! :)
You are right. I have to move on and I'm trying hard. I just don't understand why people do the things they do and I have stopped trying to understand. My town is full of gossiping and nosey people who only think the worst of certain people. Thanks for your reply! It is very helpful.
Faith, you have to let things go. Your Dads safe and cared for. You have a life to live, live it. You don't have to answer every call he makes to you. Me, at 6:45 I would not have picked up his call. I got up at a certain time for work, got a shower and did certain things before I walked out the door. No one interrupted my routine. If you haven't yet, set a time Dad and you talk. Lets say 7pm. Time for you to get home, put on comfortable clothing, (I called it my let it all hang out clothes) get something to eat, and clean up. You don't need to talk real long. Then the evening is yours. Don't answer his calls. The facility will call you if there is an emergency.
Your Dad has no control over you. He needs you more than you need him. If u have set boundaries, great, keep them don't deviate. I too had a Dad who loved to upset me, its exasperating. You know he is going to do it and you play right into it. I did walk out of Thanksgiving dinner, one time, when he tried it. Went home and cried because I let him upset me. So been there. I loved him, but I told my brothers I never would care for him. Also found when he started needing me for a driver to appts, I could set boundaries and he abided by them. He passed before my Mom by 11 years.
Yes, I have to let it go and move on. I'm going to take your advice and not answer the phone when I'm trying to get ready for work and when I first get home after a long day. I love my comfortable clothes as well. I think one of things that bothers him the most is that he does not have control over me anymore. He can not stand for me to be able to do the things I want to do. I'm going to have let it go because life is too short. Thanks for your reply. Very helpful!
Yes, I'm in therapy and I'm going to discuss this next session. I do spend too much time with these thoughts and it makes me very depressed and anxious. Thanks for your reply. Very helpful!
From a different angle, my Mom (95) lives next door to me and has moderate dementia. She used to be very active and the neighbors love her, but now *she's* the neighborhood "window blinds peeper" who reports everyone's business to me. I know she's complained to my neighbors about me occasionally. I just remind myself that she has a broken brain and that I can't control certain things and go about my day. Please practice doing this.
I agree. I have to learn to completely ignore people. Dad does have developing dementia but he has always acted the way he does now. The only difference is that he seems more agitated at night and I have spoken to the facility about this but he has always loved to control others, especially me. I do know that he has not been honest with others about me. He has made it seem as if I never did anything for him and that I have just thrown him away. It is very frustrating because all of it is untrue. I sacrificed a lot to to take care of him until I could not any longer. Thanks for your reply. It is very helpful!
Thank you for your reply. It is very helpful! Some of his friends have a different attitude towards me as well. I saw the wife of one recently and she was not as friendly. I think the majority of his friends believe I should only be caring for him. I have to work on not caring what people think.
I think your dad is just being your dad and you have learned over the years that you can’t trust him, so when he does or says anything, you pay attention. Understandable.
However, your dad truly has nothing to do but wonder about what you are doing and his personality appears to be one that it makes him feel good to upset you. Sadly.
I’m sure when he talks to his friends they mention if they have seen you. It’s something for them to talk about and perfectly normal for most people to ask after the extended family.
What’s that saying?
“ They're living rent free in your head". Perhaps you are allowing dad to occupy too much of your thoughts and emotions?
Stop that.
Don’t allow yourself to go down that path.
Find something to read or repeat, like the Serenity Prayer.
When thoughts of dad come up, look in the mirror and repeat affirmations.
Louise Hay has many positive things to repeat that build a self image that is strong and resilient. You are strong and resilient FB. Look how far you have come!
This one might help.
“I feel safe in the rhythm and flow of ever changing life”
Here is a link to her affirmation page. You might find one that resonates with you to repeat when you feel anxious.
https://www.louisehay.com/affirmations/
You are so right! I think he does like to see me upset and he likes to say and do things to make me worried about him. He knows I'm a sensitive person. Thank you for your reply. It is very helpful!
Honestly, I don't think it's that crazy at all. I just stopped completely caring what others think.