My father is 98 and really only recently is his dementia reaching levels that leave him angry and my siblings at a loss. He want's to "go to the bank" which was an outing he used to enjoy. But since he's been in a wheel chair it's harder as we have to order special transportation. He wants $5,000 in part to have money on hand and in part to gift the care givers money (which the agency specifically states they cannot accept). We have tried distracting or telling him tomorrow, but it's something he is adamant about. I don't know if he will be able to count the money - but I'm sure it will end up bad. He goes from loving his care givers to accusing them of stealing. He liked having money in his pocket, when he was the guy in charge. I understand his feeling powerless and vulnerable. going to the bank and visiting the tellers and the security guard is really a pleasure for him. But not sure how to handle him asking the teller for $5,000 cash. My two oldest siblings have a POA, but I don't think he has any restriction of what he can do. Up to now, we have counted on him forgetting the request, but it's getting harder as he's getting insistent and angry. He can't talk about anything else. Any help is welcome. His dementia has gotten significantly worse since my mom has been in hospital. We are all at the end of our ropes.
That and medicate him.
Ask Dad WHY he wants to GIFT his caregivers?
Does he want to thank them?
Show his appreciation?
Show how much he values them?
Money just a token afterall. A token used for exchange. What he may want to gift may not cost a dime.
Holding someone's hand, looking them in the eye & saying a heartfelt THANK YOU can be the most glorious of gift to bestow & also receive.
I don't think you or they understand how PoA works: they need to read their documents to see what activates their authority *to make decisions in his best interests*. This means it is NOT in his best interests to give away money no matter how much he insists. Usually to activate the authority at least 1 medical diagnosis of sufficient incapacity is required. Someone will need to get him in to his primary doctor or a gerontologist or neurologist to have him take the test. Then, the PoA will need to have the diagnosis on the clinic letterhead and signed by his doctor. The letter needs to say he is sufficiently incapacitated and should no longer be making financial or medical decisions (or something to that affect).
The PoAs then need to take the letter and the PoA document to his bank to get joint on his accounts (and his investments) in order to be able to legally manage them.
Also, your Dad needs meds to deal with his agitation since he can no longer control this in himself. Talk to his doctor about this. This may be the thing that you do first. You may need to use a therapeutic fib to get him to the doctor and to take the test.
As to anger, let him get angry as he wants. There's nothing to be done about that and it's unlikely to kill him.
If he doesn't recognize currency you could give him monopoly money.
Does he understand that he WILL get his caregivers fired for taking money?
Can you tell him he just got 5k last week and has to wait for a month to get more? Make sure he has proof by having some cash to prove he already gifted them?
Getting creative when dealing with an obsession is the only way I know to deal with it.