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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Mostly Independent
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In reality, you can't "fix" anything for mom. You can take her out of managed care and she'll still have dementia and ask to leave wherever she lives. She'll still feel lost and confused, as my mother did when I came to visit only. When I wasn't around, she was just fine, schmoozing with the other residents and yucking it up. Then she turned into a big mess when she saw me, crying and saying she was being starved ( at 190 lbs) and ignored (She was always freshly showered and dressed).
You can't make her disease go away, or be her magical cure. You can visit and bring small gifts, however, and tell her you love her, realizing she's likely piling on the guilt for your benefit. Go observe mom when she doesn't know you're there. That's my suggestion.
Yes, this exactly! I used to go at random times to check on the staff..they were awesome so that became unnecessary. But I did bust my mom playing bingo with the gals after she told me that she was all alone, all day every day and sat in her room doing nothing. They had other optional activities too. She had caring companionship all day but what she really wanted was me there 24/7!
Because she knows she isn't home. She recognizes she has been put somewhere where she recognizes nothing. She knows she is lost. She is frightened. She seems you as her rescuer, who can make all this go away.
She knows that whoever she was and is isn't there anymore and the world is a loss and a confusion and you can fix it. Soon she won't even know THAT because soon she won't have a clue who you even ARE.
They also get stuck on a certain scenario , a loop in their brain . As dementia progresses it becomes automatic to repeat the same thing all the time. That phrase they often get stuck on is “ When can I go home ?”
I always told my daddy -"The doctor has not released you yet" or "Need to wait for tomorrow". Those two answers always relaxed him. Need to remember they live in long term memory - what they knew long, long, long time ago. Maybe if you have some old pictures of the house and family from when she was young that may help. My daddy tore the pictures out of the old photo album and held them close to him because that made HIM feel safe. I did get those pictures back in the photo album because his nephew was still alive after my daddy passed away and helped me figure it out. This disease is hard - been there done that - know that a prayer has been said for you as I have finished typing this!
I think she is not "remembering" that she wants out. She is wanting out all the time and has most likely forgotten all the days before that she also wanted out. But memory is very strange. My mom remembered imagined happenings, but not real happenings. I think it was described that the imagination part of the brain stays a bit more intact, while logic and order disappear - not a scientific explanation, just he way I think of it. And, yes, Alva is right. She sees you as her rescuer. My mom referred to me as her brain. Unfortunately, by the time Alzheimer's people get to memory care it's difficult to even take them for an outing. They get too confused to be handled well outside the facility. I hope eventually your mother will feel at home in memory care.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You can't make her disease go away, or be her magical cure. You can visit and bring small gifts, however, and tell her you love her, realizing she's likely piling on the guilt for your benefit. Go observe mom when she doesn't know you're there. That's my suggestion.
Best of luck to you.
It’s a horrible disease.
She recognizes she has been put somewhere where she recognizes nothing.
She knows she is lost.
She is frightened.
She seems you as her rescuer, who can make all this go away.
She knows that whoever she was and is isn't there anymore and the world is a loss and a confusion and you can fix it.
Soon she won't even know THAT because soon she won't have a clue who you even ARE.
That's how.
Breakfast? No emotion.
What they did that morning? No emotion.
Being confused/frightened? LOTS of emotion attached, so “easily” remembered.
My mother doesn’t remember my name any longer, but she remembers my face. I think it’s the emotional memories attached to me.
Need to remember they live in long term memory - what they knew long, long, long time ago. Maybe if you have some old pictures of the house and family from when she was young that may help. My daddy tore the pictures out of the old photo album and held them close to him because that made HIM feel safe. I did get those pictures back in the photo album because his nephew was still alive after my daddy passed away and helped me figure it out.
This disease is hard - been there done that - know that a prayer has been said for you as I have finished typing this!