My husband with cirrhosis, cognitive issues and mobility issues was in the hospital for a UTI and is now in rehab. It is a relief to no longer be a caregiver and have some time for me, but I visit him every day and all he talks about is how he can't stand it there and wants to go home. I try to change the subject, but invaribly he goes back to how he hates it there. He has only been there one week, not sure how long he will be there. I understand his unhappiness. He sits in a wheelchair all day except for therapy sessions. He has fallen twice while there because he was trying to get out of his wheelchair. It’s a dreary place, but the staff seems nice. My question is how to cope with his complaints and his wanting to go home. I feel sorry for him, but am so glad when I can walk away.
This rehab was her last chance to improve. In fact she is now off Hospice and is able to walk with a hemi-walker. This after over 600 days in either the bed all day or in a wheelchair all day.
Guess what she still complains all day every day. She calls many times a day to tell me a staff member looked at he wrong, smilled a fake smile, refused her medication request,
None of these places fell like home, but for her to come home she had to decide to work it.
Have you given any thought to her going into a NH: Assisted Living or Nursing Care? If finances are a problem see if she qualifies for Medicaid. If she does start the paperwork ASAP. For my Mom It took me over a year of constant calling, emailing, texting to finally get approved for either in home care or NH. She is on a list for a Medicaid bed in the same NH as my Dad who is in AL (89 and doing well). I took care of both in home for a year! It about drove me crazy-especially after my knee replacement! My daughter was helping me for ten days; before, during, and after surgery. She also at 28 took care of Grands!
I have cared for Mom for over 8 years. I retired early 7 years ago (widow) to do caregiving for both parents. Hospital visits galore, falls, illnesses, doc visits and on and on. I neglected myself.
I’m 66 and decided three weeks ago that I want a life! I no longer WANT to take care of Mom 92, with Alzheimer’s, medical issues and double incontinence! LOVE HAS IT LIMITS. I want to be her daughter again and enjoy that relationship. I miss my kids and grands (NY) and I miss me!
I wish you the best and hope you are able to get relief.
Are they going to live with you or have you found a facility? I would suggest visiting once a week & when they start complaining, get up & leave. Hopefully they’ll soon get the message. It’s hard, I understand, wears you down but stand up for yourself & your sanity. Keep us posted on their move.
Best of luck!
It's only a mental trick to play on yourself, so it can only get you so far, but when you go in set a timer on your cellphone to remind yourself of how many more hours/minutes there are to go before you do get to walk away. And, if appropriate, make it a bit shorter?
Or, go when there's something happening - assist your husband at lunch, or attending therapy, or push him to join in with any activities that are going. Having other people around, busy with whatever task is on hand, might dilute the negativity.
This is hard, I sympathise. What's the forward plan?
When she first entered, there was a bit of a sense of strangeness, then when a new building was built, she sat very quietly after being transferred, adjusting to the change of surroundings, FOR ONE DAY.
In retrospect, I think she was alert enough to realize that her “new” life was far more pleasant and attractive than the home where she lived by herself after my father died OR the home I tried to make for her with me.
If your husband needs a facility after rehab, check them out personally . You don’t have to go where someone suggested.
When he starts complaining, repeat that you understand how he feels, but that he needs to WORK to get better so that he CAN progress. If he continues to just complain, leave. You don't have to stay to listen to the broken record. If you do this enough, he might "get it."
If he doesn't comply at all, start looking for a permanent place. My understanding is that even though Medicare pays for 120 days, if he is not progressing, that will be reported and could get him "bounced" sooner. You might need another place sooner rather than later!
Relish your new-found freedom!
Rehabs are dreary places. Worse for those who have no idea where they are. I have told my DH that if its requested I go to get my strength back, I am not going. I was told for every day in a hospital, its 3 days of therapy. My Mom should have only been in 12 days.
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