My brother has financial POA over my 90 year old father. Dad's dementia is getting much worse but he refuses to give up the financial end of things. He is sharp enought to know what checks he gets every month, but often thinks a $400.00 check should be a $4.00 check. Everyday he wants me to drive him to the bottom of the driveway so he can get the mail. He wants to continue paying his bills and depositing checks at the bank. I trust my brother completely with Dad's money as my brother is quite well off and has never done anything even remotely suspicious. Dad puts his incoming checks in a pocket, or worse yet, sometimes in a "safe spot" which of course he forgets. When we go to the bank to cash them he creates quite the scene - I have nearly died of embarrassment when Dad accuses the bank teller of pocketing his money or cashing his checks for the wrong amount. He insists on paying the bills but can't hardly sign his name and can't legibly write the checks out. I want my brother to handle all the monetary things but Dad is so stubborn and combative when it comes to "his" money and no amount of talking is helping. I understand that this is a last bit of independence for Dad, but he is totally not able to deal with his money anymore. I honestly wish he would get to the point where he doesn't remember what his income is or what bills need to be paid, it would be so very much easier. The dementia is turning my father into a non-trusting and mean person. How do I get Dad to turn over his finances to my brother to deal with?
(I'm actually surprised that he still gets cheques in the mail, when it comes to gov't payments it truly isn't an option here anymore)
Since I had financial Power of Attorney, I had all the bills forwarded to a new address, my house.
Dad wasn't crazy about auto-pay, and neither was I, but I was lucky that Dad was willing to have my name on his checks, so I could pay his bills. I told him just in case he was in the hospital, I didn't him to have late fees on his bills. He agreed with that... and eventually he forgot about bill paying.
I would monitor his checking account on-line just to be sure nothing out the norm was happening. Also had all of Dad's financial statements going to my house. It wasn't easy trying to get Dad to consolidate all of his accounts to just one bank. There was that fear that the bank would go broke [Dad was from the Great Depression era].
As for funds coming into Dad's checking account, it is all direct deposits which he has been using since direct deposit was first invented, so that was relief. I realize some people want to see the actual check in hand, which is understandable.
The steps I took was I told Dad that I would fill out all of the checks for to whom, and for what amount, and I would log the transactions in the register, but only after he approved all the checks going out, against the bills received, and that HE SIGN ALL the checks.
That gave him the security that no one else was spending or taking his money, he had final say by signing every check with his stamp of approval, before the checks went out and the bills got paid.
I made him feel like a Treasurer again. It worked quite well, in his case.
It can be very hard and certainly more time consuming than necessary but allowing dad that sense of control and decision making to do the things that you know should be done, will make things easier and safer, really does often work. If he's like my mom at all the more he feels he's loosing control the harder he will dig his heals in but if he decides it's easier to just asked bro to do it even though the outcome is the same dad will give it up much easier and adjust much quicker. It's a lesson we are still learning the hard way about all things not just finances. Good luck!